hey everybody so yeah be warned this is going to be a completely unedited
uncensored video so if you don't like foul language you might want to turn the
video off yeah as you saw from the title one of my really good friends passed
away from a heroin overdose I just found out and there's a few
reasons I'm making this video now rather than days from now or a week from now
because my channel you know I want to teach you guys to open up and talk about
how you're feeling and I try to lead by example with that but I also want people
to know about this fucking disease of addiction I want you know I initially
started this channel to increase awareness about just all sorts of mental
illness and struggles and yeah like if you are recovery like my friend Jeremiah
was like I hope you learn from this if you haven't had to is still an active
addiction I hope you learn from this I hope you see how it affects people in
your lives if you are the loved one of somebody
with an addiction I want you to know that this can happen at any time
addiction doesn't care it doesn't wait for a convenient time it doesn't give
you a warning but yeah I want people to understand what what this is like so I
don't know oh I guess I'll share about how I met Jeremiah how I know him we met
when I started working the rehab company I was working for for a few years he was
actually hired right before me and he was he was the first one they hired for
this alumni position I was a second one and we we clicked right away and you
know he had been clean for a couple years
was heroin and and yeah we talked and like as our team kind of like grew and
you know because we were the first two we were both guys and then like we were
the only two dudes on the team so we like we talked about stuff but anyways
yeah we got close we got tight he would call me to vent about stuff I would call
him and you know I love that dude and when we would like when I would go out
to Nashville cuz it was originally from Dallas originally from Dallas but it was
in Dallas when I first met him then he went out to Nashville but whenever a
chance to meet up and hang out like just always had a blast
hanging out with him just he's one of the guys who you know who helps me stay
clean by knowing that you can have fun in sobriety and we would share like
weird war stories about our using days and he was actually a pretty decent
freestyle rapper too he was supposed on snapchat and stuff and I was like damn
he got some skills and I think even like it's a breakdancing every now and then
but I remember he was about two years clean and I think it was New Year's Eve
where he had a slip up and he drank okay so one of the things is for us drug
addicts a misconception that we have is that we're drug addicts so we could
still drink so he drank and in 12-step communities and stuff like that messes
you up and people say you're not sober that's a relapse you lose all your time
and all that and Jeremiah ended up moving out to Nashville to our corporate
office to be out there and which was probably for you know probably for the
best like he you know ended up going out there and he got involved with you know
a lot of people in the recovery community he loved living and sober
living with other sober guys and stuff and man like I knew so many people who
he helped and who absolutely loved him just he was like he was just really real
and really honest like he ended up going into the admissions department to help
people get into treatment and he was great at it just for
he knew and he had been there and yeah like it bums me out right now especially
because I didn't talk to him and maybe a month or two like since I left the
company and I don't know what struggles he was going through I don't know and
it's just it's just such a bitch like I make so many videos and something I'm
trying to teach all of you is to just not run away from your feelings not run
away from your emotions but more so getting down to the root and
understanding why we feel these ways why do we want to escape the only thing we
can do to prevent these things like that we're feeling are are our expectations
just completely fucked like do we expect certain things out of other people why
are we getting angry why are we getting upset like and for us drug addicts like
what emotion that we like what emotion can we have that is just so unbearable
that we need to turn to substances you know these are things that I wonder I'm
like what were you going through like and this is what I wonder about all the
addicts all the alcoholics and I look at myself and I analyze myself in my own
addiction like while I was not trying to run from these things why are we so
afraid to feel why do we try to mask it with drugs with alcohol with sex with
blind things with gambling like why can't we just feel these things you know
and what that's another reason why I'm making this video like I'm feeling these
things right now and I'm talking about them this is this
is fucking therapeutic for me you know I want this to be an example for all of
you it's something I forgot to mention at the beginning of this video like I
know you guys are gonna do it because you love me and I love you for it but
you know I posted this on you know on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook
already and you know I'm already getting people sorry for your loss sorry for
this and that's just one of those things about
grieving it's like that's not that's not what I want I appreciate it
like go for it if you want you down in the comments I can't stopping you
but like I want you to learn from this like I try to teach you with every
fucking video that I do every video that I do about Jake Paul or Shane Dawson or
whatever I'm trying to get you to learn from these experiences like your
condolences are very much appreciated but what can you do what can you learn
from this do you have somebody in your life who you are enabling is there
somebody in your life who is using and you're turning a blind eye to it are you
somebody who is in recovery and you're thinking about getting loaded right are
you somebody who's an active addiction you're in that that state of denial or
lack of self awareness where you don't understand what you're doing to others
like what can you take from this situation that's all I'm trying to do
with this channel it's trying to get you guys to just watch things and just learn
and say what is happening in my life right now you guys
Jeremiah marks I don't even know I fucking lost count it's 70 something 73
74 people who live had died in the last three years a lot of them being clients
you know and things like that but a few of the people in that number are people
like Jeremiah who were good friends of mine you know what I mean and and yeah
like it just it it's sucks man it sucks I just want you know and it sounds all
hippie-dippie and stuff and like I just want people to be happy I want people to
learn how to deal with their emotions I want you know like I don't know I just
wish I wish I could transmit what I have into everybody like especially people
like recovering addicts especially addicts man I can't think I cannot think
of a scenario today in which I think taking a drink or taking a drug would
solve my problem I can't think of one scenario you know and I don't know how I
got to this place that's one of the reasons I make these videos and share
it's like I'm trying to document this and maybe something is gonna come out
where somebody understands somebody it clicks for somebody where they can
figure it out or decode me like why why why how did I get to this fucking place
where I don't need to put these things in my body to escape how I feel how did
I get to this place where I can embrace how I feel how did I do that you know
and I just try to give these little like tips in every video and just try to
explain that I don't know one thing about fucking Jeremiah he was he was
stubborn he was stubborn he liked to do things his own way little cocky at times
you know but he also knew how to be humble in he reached out he knew how to
reach out and I don't know man like this is just you know I've had people pass
away from suicide and stuff like that too this is just like what happened like
what what happened why you know nothing that I could have saved him but I was
there reach out to me and you know you know
like survivor's guilt and all that shit life should I have been reaching out to
him you know have I been all up in my shit you know what I mean and there's
just so much that we go through you know and I don't know I might do follow-ups
because I know grief is something that a lot of people struggle with but you know
I just really just really try to take lessons from this video try to learn try
to see who you can help the last thing I'll say in this video like if you don't
and you're out there using go get fucking help reach out to somebody leave
a comment down below like there's resources out there you know what I mean
if you have a loved one if you have a loved ones who's struggling get out of
your denial quit enabling them get them help you know like quit waiting around
and like I don't know I can make this video an hour long but you know Jeremiah
was functioning like I found out from one of our co-workers that he passed
away he was making money he had a job addiction doesn't give a fuck how
functioning you are all right so please please please get help anyways
I don't know hope this video helps some of you out help me out by anyways I'm
gonna keep doing my thing I'm gonna go play for night with my son I get to move
in with my beautiful girlfriend this week gonna be pretty sweet
take care get well work on yourself quit being stubborn help people help yourself
be nice I don't know all right guys I'll see you next time