It's Clayton and this video is for men and women that are going through a breakup right
now.
And maybe you've got questions on your mind like, “How do I get my ex back?” or, “how
do I deal with this breakup?”
“How do I fix things?”
“How do I move on?”
Well this video is going to uncover some faulty beliefs or let's just say disempowering beliefs.
But a lot of the clients that I work with are, unconsciously holding onto or sometimes
very overtly holding onto, that are stopping them from truly feeling whole and complete
again and being able to heal and get themselves back so they can move on and make a clear
decision around what they want to do; whether that's reconcile with a person or learn from
the relationship and move on to the next.
So as I read through these beliefs and outline them I’m going to offer simple reframes.
Reframes that will help you and help your mind, perhaps begin to adopt and create a
different story around what's happening in your life.
Many times when we are stuck in a state of suffering when we're stuck in a place of feeling
sorry for ourselves or feeling helpless and hopeless, it's usually because there is a
set of foundational beliefs that are going unquestioned that are providing the hotbed
or the soil for this experience to grow from.
So we begin to change that and we begin to reframe the foundational beliefs, your experience
of life begins to shift as well.
So the first belief that I get that I've heard come up over and over again with clients,
whether they're in their late twenties late 30s, 40s or 50s they'll say something like,
“It took me 35 or 45 years to find this one Clayton and I can't afford just to take
another 30 or 45 years to find another person who is just as good.
I just don't have it in me.”
Now it sounds logical however the truth is that it took you 35 to 45 years or 28 years
however old you are to be ready.
To finally find this type of person and now that you've been able to reach a place of
emotional maturity enough to get your heart broken and find this type of person, you're
going to be able to now spot the quality that you want in a partner much more easily, much
more naturally.
And you will now be able to match in and find these people in a way that you otherwise wouldn't
have when you were younger.
So it's not that it's going to take you another 35 years.
It's that you finally got to the place where you are ready to have these types of relationships
and it's only going to get better from here.
The next belief that can hold people back from finding closure and completeness around
the break-up is they must not have really loved me: if they were willing to leave me
and hurt me this bad.
They must not have really loved me and cared about me to cause this much pain.
Well what if what's actually happening is that they do love you and they love you deeply.
And I can almost guarantee that they love you maybe they don't have all the oxytocin
and firing their brain because they're not quite in love.
But if you're hurting this bad, chances are they are too and they're probably just hiding
it.
However that does not mean the relationship is right, that does not mean that the two
of you are compatible or that the relationship is healthy because to make a relationship
last there are some other foundational elements that must be in place.
And once these begin to erode the relationship slips into a place of unhealthiness and dysfunction,
and those elements are just to name a few trust and respect.
The next belief I hear a lot of clients bring the table is they say, “Clayton it was the
PERFECT relationship.
They were my dream woman or man and the relationship with blissful.”
And I say, “Really?
If the relationship was perfect okay, well then why is it still not standing?”
If the relationship was perfect, we wouldn't actually be talking and perhaps you wouldn't
be watching this video right now.
See if we look at it from a realistic grounded 360-degree perspective and be really honest
with what happened, the relationship with map perfect.
There was something going on in the relationship.
There was some type of life taking force, life-taking dynamic between the two of you
that became so intense that it caused one person to want to walk away from the relationship
in order to save themselves, in order to feel like they were more alive.
So if we don't look at it that way and we believe that the relationship was perfect
and we fall in love with the romantic notion that we have been forsaken from this relationship
bliss, we're not looking at the full picture.
And rather were falling in love and wanting to get back to a fantasy rather than the reality
of the situation.
Being grounded in the reality of the situation allows you to have your feet grounded underneath
you so you can actually move in the direction of your choosing rather than feeling like
you are a victim in a fairytale romance that failed.
Another belief that clients bring to the table that often stops them from being able to see
the silver lining in this is they say, “This is the worst thing that ever happened to me.”
And I get it.
I get it.
I've been through breakups and I know that the feeling can be devastating.
It can be crippling that can have you sitting on the couch for hours just feeling into yourself
and crying.
And at the same time, what if the pain that you're feeling and the helplessness and hopelessness
that comes up are actually tools in disguise?
What if these are the tools that you can use to begin to carve out a greater capacity for
your own self-love, for your own authenticity and for your own growth?
For you to fully come into your own and create something even more powerful in the future.
The trick is it going to start with you.
It's gonna start with you confronting these emotions and being able to be with them.
See when things are going well in life it's very easy to push emotions aside and ignore
them.
But that's not necessarily being completely honest with yourself, that's not being completely
authentic with yourself, if you're denying your emotions, it's impossible to deny your
emotions now during the break-up.
Let's say it's very difficult to, in fact, what this breakup does is in many ways it
forces you to surrender to them.
And in doing so you can begin to weave a stronger and deeper relationship with yourself.
And when you've got a stronger deeper connected relationship with yourself, this provides
the blueprint for you to be able to create that stronger deeper relationship with other
people as well because we cannot create better relationships outside of ourselves than the
one that we have with ourselves.
In another belief that a lot of client bring to the call that I have with them after going
through a breakup is like “What’s the point of ever-loving again?”
“What's the point of ever putting myself out there if this is how it's going to end?”
Well my reframe on that is that it doesn't have to be that way.
In fact, this could be the moment in your life where everything begins to change.
And through feeling like you have lost yourself through feeling completely confused and let
you have, perhaps, wandered off the path, you have the opportunity to truly find yourself
again.
And my recommendation to you is to hire some outside help whether it's a therapist whether
to coach whether somebody that you trust, get an objective perspective to help guide
you and stand next to you and hold a mirror up and show you the parts of yourself and
the parts of the situation that you maybe two closer to see.
Because what that will do is it will allow you to use everything that's happening and
exponentially move your life forward and move into greater integrity with who you are.
My name's Clayton Olson and if you are interested in contacting me personally, my email’s
below this video.
Please like, subscribe, throw down a comment if you have one or a question and thank you
for watching.