- The new iPhone, do you want it?
(clapping)
This one comes with tape on it. (clapping)
It only charges up to 70%. (clapping)
(clapping)
Hey, you, my name is Thomas TomSka Ridgewell
and welcome back to- - CONTENT
- Baby, no. - content
It has been said that to assume
is to make an ass of you and me.
I don't really know what that means,
but boy howdy does it sound smart.
And that's what today's video is not gonna be.
It's not gonna be smart,
'cause I went to Instagram and said,
"Hey, what do you assume about me?"
And you sent me those assumptions
and we're gonna have a little reaction, little response,
we're gonna go through them together,
we're going to see, did you get it right?
Probably got it wrong, honestly.
(Tom Noises)
- You're a cowboy baby.
- I don't know why I picked this one.
I think it was the first one I picked
and the bar was very low.
Can someone gave me a cowboy gun, please?
That's a baby.
This is not a gun, this is a baby.
I wanna be a cowboy, baby.
I wanna be a cowboy.
Ow.
- You're depressed and always use food as a coping mechanism.
- My depressed?
That's silly grammar, I don't have to respond to that.
(crying)
- You got warm hugs and always sweat on your neck.
- What? I don't have a sweaty neck.
How dare, how dare you.
My dog doesn't even lick my neck every day,
it's not his favorite thing in the world.
- Charlie has cheese for feet
and is piloted by thousands of miniature squirrels.
How wacky.
(laughing) Ha ha ha, what a good assumption.
That's like one of them Cards Against Humanity cards
that you draw and you look at and you sigh heavily
and you never play it 'cause it's a bad card.
- When you shit, you spend ages on the toilet.
- Absolutely false.
Why are you both looking at me?
- You're one to drop a joke about someone
but instantly feel bad and apologize.
- That assumption is kind of true
in that I will make a joke about someone
and then feel bad about it, but I won't apologize.
I'll double down and keep making the joke
until we've just pushed through the other side
and it's funny again.
Sometimes it works, sometimes they're not my friend anymore.
- That you're a good person to work with.
- Absolutely, yes.
Why are you looking at me again?
- A N I M A T O R.
(screaming)
That you smoke and keep out your videos.
- If I smoked, I would leave it in
'cause smoking looks cool.
It's bad for you, don't do it, but it does look pretty cool.
And you know I care about looking cool.
- You're not fully open.
Even when you say you are,
there's way more to you than meets the eye.
- I mean, pipperty pop pop poo.
I mean yeah, there are things
that I don't talk about online, but largely
they're because they're just not my stories alone to share.
Something that I did a lot
when I was in my oversharing phase,
which I'm arguably still always in,
was tell the stories that weren't just mine,
they were only 50% mine and now I don't.
I don't do that, so yeah, there's more to tell.
Like the time I fingered Eddie.
Oh no!
- You have a perfectly average sized penis.
- I'd say that maybe 10% of all the questions
asked out of a thousand were that I had a big dick.
- That you low key enjoy the Bee Movie.
- No, I fucking hate the Bee Movie.
I don't know why people think it's a joke.
I just, I hate it.
I sincere, it's bad.
It's a bad, if you give me a copy of the Bee Movie,
I will snap it in front of you,
that's a task I fucking guarantee.
- You're a low key aggressive arsehole
and it's hard to be friends with you for a long time.
- Is that really an assumption
if it's just something that I've admitted publicly?
No, I think it's not true,
I am actually a high-key really cool and chill, chill guy
and everyone wants to be my friend all the time.
Stop looking at me.
- That you're not friends with Dodie, Hazel, etc X.
- I don't know who X is, but I fucking hate them.
Look, it's just they live really far away, okay?
It's like the other side of London.
If you live in London, you'll understand.
I don't have an hour and a half to go see them.
That's like, what am I going to get out of it?
Dodie's not gonna write a song about me.
Fuck it.
- You still use old dead memes.
- I would never use old dead memes.
I am an old dead meme
so I think it's only befitting
that I become the arbiter of old dead memes.
We clutch onto each other.
There's strength in numbers.
Elliot, can you add dat boy into my arms please?
(Titanic theme)
- You will not show this assumption
in hashtag content.
- Here we go, well guess who assumed wrong?
Who is an ass of you and me now, huh?
- In terms of texture,
your beard and your pubes are interchangeable.
- No, no.
- No, my pubes are softer.
What's wrong? Why are you crying now?
Oh, don't cry.
- Ur bisexual.
- Ur bisexual? I wish I were bisexual.
That sounds great.
- You feel like your best times are behind you.
- Well, if by that, you mean
my best times and my sweet butt,
then yeah is behind me, but also I did peak in 2012.
(screaming)
- Bet you tried to suck your own dick.
- Show me someone who has a dick
that hasn't tried to suck their own dick
and I'll show you a fucking liar.
- You have a hairy arse crack.
- I do, I really do.
Does anyone have any Veet I can borrow?
I had a friend once, after we'd had like a drunken night
of not having sex, 'cause we're both straight,
he came in my bedroom and I was asleep naked
and I just had my arse out and he never got over it.
Like he still to this day talks about how hairy it was.
- One day, you'll post another nude.
- Probably.
- You think you're a terrible, horrible person.
You're not.
- Oh, well, good to know.
It's problem solved then.
No, but I did think I was for a very long time
and then 2016 happened and the world was really awful
and I was like, oh, actually, I'm not that bad
comparatively speaking.
Thanks, the awful world.
You helped my self esteem.
- Coffee order, vanilla latte.
- Wrong, that's Elliot's coffee order, you fool.
I want a mint mocha latte with a shot of Baileys in it
and whipped cream on top with some honeycomb pieces
and also an entire Terry's chocolate orange, just on top.
- Funny and enjoyable.
- (laughing) That's the other thing
the lady says about my penis.
What's this, an Amazon review of my dick. (laughing)
- I assume you thr kind of guy
to tats your owncum after you wank.
- One, that's not how people words are
and two, show me a penis owner that hasn't, you fuck.
- That you aren't a good cook.
Slanty face, egg in a frying pan emoji.
- Someone hasn't seen getting fatter with TomSka,
or maybe they have, and they've made an accurate assessment,
that yeah, I can't cook for shit.
- That you masturbate
to some weird shit on the down low.
- Yeah, I always masturbate down low,
my dick's not up here. (laughing)
Thanks Newgrounds for ruining me at such an early age.
- You haven't seen your little soldier in years.
- When will he return from the war?
- Your gender.
- That's funny.
- That you're a depressed 30 year old
who stress eats all of your problems.
- That's so wrong, I'm 28.
- You eat ass.
- It's one of those few occasions
where saying mama raised me right
really doesn't doesn't sound good.
No, yeah, no. (laughing)
- You hate asdfmovie
but you make it because it gets views.
- Not true, I like asdfmovie
and I make it because it gets views.
- I assume you give no shits
about anyone who trash talks your channel.
- You'd be wrong.
- You had an emo phase.
- The only difference between an emo and a sad kid
is a dress sense,
and I didn't have a dress sense.
- That you stole this idea
from Emma Blackery.
- How dare you imply that I saw the thumbnail
of her doing this and then went,
"Yeah, I'm gonna do that as well."
- That you have a dark secret
and will go to any lengths to make sure it remains that way.
- Who doesn't? (shouting)
- You probably have
a secret birthmark somewhere.
- I have a birthmark, but it's no secret, it's on my leggy.
- That your life peaked around asdfmovie3.
- Um, actually, it was asdfmovie4, so know your facts.
- You have a short, fat, cute genitalia.
- You didn't have to say those words.
- Going to cons gives you more anxiety
than you let on.
- Only Cons in America 'cause that's where the guns live.
- That you instantly fall asleep after sex.
- I'm a sleepy boy and I deserve a nap.
Work hard, sleep hard.
That's what dad said.
Not again.
- You must be a pain in the arse to work with.
- Not true, it's not.
Why do people always think, I know you're looking at me.
- You seem like the kind of person
to smother food in ketchup.
- How dare you? I smother food in mayonnaise, mm.
- You're my lost dad?
- I dunno, are you under nine years old?
- You can name all the characters
on My Little Pony.
- Pinky Pie, Rainbow Dash, Apple Jack, Shadow the hedgehog.
Solid Snake and Pikachu.
No is the answer apparently. (laughing)
- You've accidentally fucked
at least three animals.
- Not three.
- You look in the toilet after you've pooped.
- (laughing) Bold of you to assume I use a toilet.
- That you touch Squidge
in places he's places he isn't uncomfortable.
- Look, his droopy little testicle-less ball sack
is very funny.
Have you ever given a little bloop-loop-loop?
It's great.
Bloop-loop-loop.
You got no balls, bloop-loop-loop.
What?
- You've never had a hamster.
- I've never had a hamster live longer than a month.
They both died really quick.
One was just like in his little house,
but just like a sheer fucking coincidence
that just like the sunlight just came in
and just cooked him in his little cage,
which is yeah, that one was sad.
And the other one bit me and I was like a child
and went ahh, and he went (splatting noise).
- You seem like someone who would own a Katana,
I assume you have one.
- How fucking dare you.
But then cut to the picture of me holding a Katana
that I have from when I was like 15.
- You like to suck toes.
- I mean, I'd suck toes if someone asked me to,
but I wouldn't enjoy it.
Toes are like fingers that were held back a couple of years.
- You nearly became a m'lady guy.
- Yeah, honestly, I'm super grateful
that my formative years were like 10 more years ago
because goodness me, if I'd had access
to like men's rights communities back then, fuck man.
- You love Charlie a lot
and want us to buy from her Etsy.
- Wow, what a great idea
that I assume my girlfriend didn't submit.
Help Charlie pay rent.
Well that was a waste of everyone's time.
Leave a comment in the description
with other things you assume about me.
I won't read them
'cause they'll probably hurt my feelings, bye.