It's Valentine's Day, so let's talk about couples in Mortal Kombat. There's not much
to untangle, but in the name of branding:
Let's go back to the beginning and see if we can untangle this yarn ball of a canon.
Welcome to Canon Ball.
There are a few criteria to be listed up front:
We'll only be counting couples in which at least one member is a playable character,
so no 'parents of X character'.
Only examples from the game continuity.
Simple flirtation doesn't count, especially for absolute slags like MK11 Sindel and Erron
Black.
And yes, this includes both romantic couples and purely sexual ones. And ones that are
either of those depending on the writer, Shawn!
The first we were aware of was Scorpion back in MK1, who was known to have had a wife and
son before his death. They continued to motivate him up until he avenged their deaths by killing
Quan Chi in MKX.
The game's prequel comic also established that Johnny Cage had previously been married
to one Cindy Ford. Nothing is known about her or their relationship, but it was probably
short-lived. Additionally, Goro had seven wives. We know nothing about them, so let's
move on.
The first playable couple was established in MK3. In addition to Sindel's original marriage
with Jerrod, whom she loved, she was also forced to marry Shao Kahn, which was forced.
Fuck you, MK11.
MK Mythologies: Sub-Zero introduced Sareena, whose desire to escape the Netherrealm with
Bi-Han is often interpreted as romantic interest, which I don't personally agree with, even
if the music during the scene is somewhat suggestive.
MK4 canonised one of the most significant relationships: Liu Kang and Kitana, which
had its origins in the 1995 movie. Beyond motivating Kitana in Deadly Alliance, the
relationship wasn't all that important until 2011, which serves as a better beginning of
their relationship than either "Reel Missing" or "You killed my best friend, go fuck yourself,
oh you killed Kahn, I guess I'm super wet now."
In Armageddon, Kira and Kobra of the Black Dragon have a clear bond, as both share their
godlike power with the other in their endings, only for it to go poorly for them. Kobra's
even involves a kiss, which is arguably all the proof you need.
Baraka, upon gaining god-like powers and killing Onaga and Shao Kahn, offers Mileena the position
of his queen. This was expanded upon in MKX, where an intro between Mileena and Johnny
Cage implies the two tarkatans have, indeed, fucked.
Johnny: Sleeping with Baraka's repulsive.
Mileena: Who told you this?!
Speaking of which, MKX introduced quite a few couples, mainly as part of the whole 'next
generation' idea the game focused on.
While there had been hints as far back as Deadly Alliance, including Johnny's explicit
interest in her 2011, it was MKX that finally gave us some progress on the Johnny Cage and
Sonya Blade relationship. The two become much closer in the second timeline after losing
so many of their comrades, and then become a couple and have a daughter after defeating
Shinnok. The MKX comic implies that they got together simply because Sonya got pregnant
after a one night stand, despite Sonya saying this:
Quan Chi: "Johnny cage is mine."
Sonya: "No. He's mine."
Fuck you, comic. And MK11, with the same writer, seems to view things the same way at times.
Johnny: "What's it gonna take for you to respect me?"
Sonya: "Partial, maybe full vasectomy?"
These are the past versions after they find out about their future daughter, by the way.
MK11 Sonya is just the worst.
Remember back in 2011, when Sonya attacked Johnny for harassing her, but then, after
he beat up Kano and offered her a hand, Sonya smiled and took it. There was something there
from the start. It was likely just physical attraction, with Sonya seeing a bit of Johnny's
goodness underneath the obnoxious movie star persona, but it had blossomed into genuine
love by the time they were taking on Shinnok's forces. Shawn seemed to think they didn't
fall in love until after Sonya almost lost him in MKX, and that she actively despised
him until the end of 2011. And it's a shame too, because the Cage Family unit is really
sweet in MK11, so if Shawn had portrayed them accurately, it could have been something special.
I mean, I still think the way they bookended MKX's story was one of the best little bits
of writing in the entire trilogy:
Johnny: "She called me Johnny."
Jax, likewise gained a daughter in this game, through his wife Vera, who only appears in
the MKX comic. The same applies to Kenshi and his wife, Suchin, who had a son together.
Suchin dies during the timeskip, motivating Kenshi to leave his son with Scorpion and
go off to avenge her, while Vera dies offscreen between MKX and 11, sending Jax into an alcoholic
depression and helping motivate him into joining Kronika.
Maybe these parallels were just the writers being unoriginal, or maybe it was intentional,
as MKX's final chapter sees the two couples' respective children, Jacqui and Takeda, becoming
a couple as well. And then Takeda disappears in 11 and Jacqui doesn't mention him at all
in the story, even though some intros suggest they're getting married.
And one final couple established in MKX is Mileena and Tanya through both flirtatious
dialogue between the two in their intros,
Mileena: Dearest Tanya...
Tanya: Shall we proceed, Empress?
Mileena: It will be my pleasure.
and Tremor calling Tanya
Tremor: "Mileena's concubine."
MK11 went fucking nuts with this stuff because Shawn Kittlesen is evidently really into this
stuff to the point that he'll cram the most bizarre pairings into the game, even if said
characters have never even met.
The prime example of this is, of course, Jade and Kotal Kahn, who are alleged to have been
together since before 2011, which is why Jade never mentioned Kotal and why he never made
a move to ally with Earthrealm and storm the Netherrealm to save his lost love. But it's
an eternal love that transcends time and logic, which is why he also fucked D'Vorah.
D'Vorah: "Did you tell Jade about us?"
Kotal: "There is nothing to tell, D'Vorah."
D'Vorah: "Such deception, Kotal."
Kotal: "None are better than Jade."
Jade: "Save your slobber, dog."
Most of the others are introduced via intros:
Cassie apparently has a boyfriend by MK11?
Sonya: "So how're things with you and Bob?"
Cassie Cage: "For the last time, his name is Dylan!"
This is probably supposed to be a nod to Bob Dylan, for whatever reason, but it makes me
wonder why they missed this fantastic opportunity for a reference with Terminator when almost
every intro he has makes one.
Cassie: "For the last time, his name is-"
Terminator: "Dylan!"
Johnny: "You son of a bitch."
Erron Black has a thing for blood ladies, apparently.
Erron Black: "I stepped out with Nitara before you."
Skarlet: "You clearly have a type, Erron."
Make the obvious joke yourself.
In Kabal's ending, he's randomly married to Sareena in his new timeline, despite having
never met her before. Really, this just proves that the writers had no idea what to do with
Kabal in this game at all.
One of Noob's skins is called "Jataaka’s Consort". While it's most likely just another
of the 800,000 references in the gear and skin names,
Cookout Man: "Ey yo, what the FUCK!?"
Bi-Han has actually met Jataaka and both are part of the Brotherhood of Shadow, so it's
honestly the most believable of all MK11's additions. Let that sink in.
I don't really have a conclusion here. So let's look at some cringe.
Erron Black: "Nice to see you again, Legs."
Sonya: "These legs will kill you, Black."
But, you don't have those leg moves anymore...
Johnny: "What's cookin', good lookin'?"
Cassie: "Ewww, No. Seriously?!"
Johnny: "Wait, what?! Not what I meant!"
Cassie: "This is why I'm in therapy."
Shao Kahn: "Why swoon for that blue-painted weakling?"
Jade: "His open mind, strong spine,"
Kotal: "AAAAAAGH!"
Shao Kahn: Who knew Osh-Tekk were so fragile?"
Kano: "I could eat a peach for hours >:3"
I think that's all of them, but if I missed any, head down to the comments, look for a
pinned comment where I list those I missed, and only then may you comment.
"breh u mizz dis one."
I know. I acknowledged it, you fucker.
O-Oh, yeah, Happy Valentine's Day, piss off.
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Today's recommended video is Mortal Kombat 11: Kotal Kahn SUCKS by SonicHaXD. It's funny,
points out the flaws of Kotal's story and relationship with Jade, and is actually how
I learned that he cheated on our goddess and deserves to die.