There is 1 word, that when you say it whether you're talking to a girl or
whether you're talking to a boss at work or any one in which you want to boost
your social status will do it instantaneously it's probably not what
you think and today we're going to talk about it alright I want you to watch
this next conversation and in your mind try to pick out if there's anything that
stands out to you how's the conversation going is there anything that I should
have done differently is she excited to be in the conversation is she kind of
aloof or pulling back note in your brain everything that you think is going on
and I'll tell you actually what's going on at the end of it
so you're saying move out to LA what's taking out there again yes so I actually
have a ton of friends they're not likely oh I have a few clients here and there
and I'm going to be signing with le models whoo murder was a big name yes
they came I'm super blessed so I ended up having to call them and actually
talking to them on the phone got me Wow so you called them in you're like
this is so under like whoo yeah they were like literally ready to hang up on
me I'm like no no no wait like look at my son I really think we would work good
together and then okay I think Oh what did you think what did you see see I
think that that is a good example of just a very easy free-flowing
conversation let's go back and watch it again and I'll point out exactly what I
see as we watch so you say move out to LA what's taking out there again yeah so
I actually have it okay teacher she's engaged like the way she says yes way
she's using her body language you can see she's into the conversation smiling
she's looking at me in the eyes to see how I'm responding to what she's saying
and you can see when she says something she pauses to be sure that I'm engaged
I'm in the conversation yeah they were literally ready very animated when she's
talking so she's into the conversation so in my mind right now I'm just
thinking how can I keep this conversation flowing everything is going
fine there's nothing really to change very easy that conversation looked easy
because it was easy she was engaged from the very start there was no battle of
frames there was no aloofness that I deal with but now in the next clip I
want you to watch because she's going to start off by being a little
aloof not nearly as engaged you see she's not smiling as much your body
language isn't as into it and notice what I do to increase her engagement
notice what I do to increase my social status to reestablish the interaction
equilibrium to let her know that her aloofness the fact that she's not into
it isn't okay I have higher value than she assigned me
previously and then watch how that changes and then we'll go back and
dissect exactly what happened you said you're moving out to LA what's taking
you out there again yeah I have quite a few friends there now and I'm also sick
into Austin work vibe through me okay yeah I'm
signing with early models so wow that's a big name I recognize them I don't know
many yeah I submitted like four times and I never got anything bad so I called
okay and they were like oh I love that part they're like okay Bob yeah and it
worked they let me pulled you up there like
we're gonna sign you on the scale well not on the plot but they went to me and
all that okay that's cool it's not like a great opportunity all right so besides
me calling your dude what did I do in that video you could see from the first
couple sentences that she said she really wasn't hugely into it wasn't like
she was disengaged but if you are in an instance where someone is disengaged
just clearly not that excited to be talking you let's say you're at a party
or you're out and they're just kind of like talking to you like if anyone else
is more interesting to be talking I'd rather be talking to them you can feel
that and you can see she was kind of dead those first few sentences so what
did I do when the first video I'm getting normal check it oh yeah really
neat that's cool but what I'm doing to re-establish the interaction equilibrium
and to up my social value versus hers is I'm just saying okay okay with the tone
of voice going up what does that communicate what does that sound like to
you it sounds like a boss that's getting a briefing or a military sergeant who's
getting briefed on something sergeant we're going down the hill we're going to
this much speed okay okay so you're almost like you're saying okay you're
giving them permission to go on you're approving what they're saying maybe a
teacher talking to a student oh the reason I'm late to class is because okay
you're listening to the story it's a various
or tative way to check in with a conversation a check-in and a
conversation is simply something to say to show that your active listening so by
doing this I'm communicating I'm not super impressed I'm not going to be like
oh how neat how cool because I need to reestablish the interaction equilibrium
and reassert my social value so watch what happens after I say okay a couple
times and she can tell that I'm not going to fill that space she said
something that she kind of pauses I'm like okay and I just kind of look at her
expecting her to say something and to fill that void she does and she also
does it with a new pizzazz and a new energy indicating that she has just
upped my social value in her head oh maybe this guy is worth trying a little
bit harder I'm going to be a little more animated maybe I'm around a higher value
guy that I want she lights up a little bit and look at the way the conversation
goes from there let's watch it again and I'll break down what actually happens so
you think about that very unexpressive face and hands aloof body language what
do I say okay okay okay yeah I'm signing with early models there what you do just
completely got excited oriented to me shoulders went up now our hands are
moving looking me in the eye much more much more moving the head animated with
the hands telling a story like she's engaged in telling the story now she's
interested in the way that I perceive the story that will draw them they're
like we're smiling much more more engaged it's just it's a total switch
and so then as she comes to life and expresses more expresses that she's
holding me and a higher social value I'm able to contribute there at the end and
just check in to like more normal things like oh that's really cool that's
exciting it's a great opportunity so when you say things like that you're
only going to use them until the interaction equilibrium is tilted back
into your favor or you can tell the person talking to you doesn't think
you're a chump anymore it's easy to tell when people can tell they think they're
around a chump that's when the interaction is against you and this is
just one way you can tilt that back now what else did you notice when I was
talking when I was trying to bring that back towards my way and assert my social
value you notice my delivery my tonality the way you're saying okay the way
you're talking them even if you don't want to use the word okay like is
coached in this specific video you can simply change your tonality to sound to
give off in the sound that you make and the way that you express the words in
the way that you verbalize the words and the tonality you use you can create that
same thing now if tonality is something that you don't completely understand you
can click up here in the upper right hand corner and download my free power
tonality checklist and this is going to go through five things that you're
probably not aware of that will make you aware of these things when you go into a
Bourdon interaction maybe it's an interview or maybe you just have a
meeting that's very important you need to be sure you sound your best and be
sure that you can establish your social value in that situation go to these
beforehand we'll get you a nice understanding of what you need to do and
get them fresh in your head so when you go in there a lot of times situations
where you don't have much social value you're very nervous and you're flustered
and you're not thinking well but when you can have these in the forefront of
your mind and drill them and practice them a little bit beforehand it enables
you to go in there strong and use that proper tonality when you're talking to
someone who may see you it's a little bit lower social value to them we can
never allow that so you can click up here the right-hand quarter and download
years now