Dom says hey Tripp, love your podcast and all the great tips.
I'll dive right into my question.
Recently on a podcast, I heard you say that texting should mainly be used for scheduling
meetups, for face to face interaction and not really showing your wit or personality,
which I agree with.
However, when it comes to online dating, say I matched with a girl on Wednesday and we
schedule a face to face meeting for Sunday, how much interaction, text or phone call,
and what types of conversations should be happening in the 3 days leading up to the
date?
I want to make sure we still have plenty to talk about and things to find out about each
other during the date itself.
But I also do not want to seem uninterested by not texting at all until the day of the
date.
Any help or advice on this would be awesome.
Look forward to hearing from you and continuing to learn from your podcast.
Sincerely, Dom.
Dom, another topic I do talk about a lot.
Remember this... yeah, I get it.
I understand.
We're all fighting our urges to try to make sure that the girl doesn't flake on us and
you set up a date that's a little far away that you might want to be texting them.
Here's the thing... you still don't want to do it.
Here's the exception.
If you end up setting a date far out, which you did not, by the way... it sounds like
it was... what, Wednesday to Sunday.
I don't know three or four days, five days the most.
That's not too much.
If it happens to be where you schedule something more than six to seven days, then just go
for a FaceTime date until, or I should say before you set up a real date.
Let's say you try to line up your schedules and she's like, I'm not free until the Thursday
after next, which is like seven, eight days.
Say okay, no worries, why don't we do a FaceTime date?
And start there.
You can say that to her because then you kill two birds one stone.
One, you're not waiting too long so you don't lose attraction.
But then the second thing is, you get to do a FaceTime date and that is much easier, quicker,
cheaper and it could be a great way to find out if you even like this girl.
What if you find out on the FaceTime oh, this is a girl I'm not even interested in.
I'm glad I didn't waste my time setting up a full date.
I would do that.
And that's a tip for most guys.
If you want to do more FaceTime dates to start, I think that's perfectly appropriate.
And you can totally do that.
I've had clients who have done that, who they're very busy people, they get a lot of matches,
because we've reworked their profile and made it awesome so they get all these matches.
And then they do more FaceTime dates, so they can see if this is someone they actually want
to meet up with.
That's one tip.
Now, I know that it sounds like extreme advice, and it is, but I still want you if it's less
than five to six days that the date is set, no, you don't text.
You don't text.
If she's interested, she'll show up.
Now I'm not saying that you ignore her.
This is a big important thing here.
If she's texting you, yes, respond.
I wouldn't respond so quick and I wouldn't get into large texting conversations.
Give her a nice response.
I would still do it within the day, but give her some sort of response so then she knows
that you're interested and then still do not try to continue conversation by asking all
these questions and instead, wait till the date like you want to.
You even said this here.
You said, I want to make sure we still have plenty to talk about.
Good.
That's fantastic.
I love that mentality.
That is the mentality.
You want to have lots to talk about.
How do you do that?
You don't text.
And if she doesn't show up on the date.
Boo-hoo, she wasn't that interested, and whatever.
The problem is you have more room for error, to screw it up, to be texting her than not.
We're weighing our options here.
Think about this logically.
And this, you got to trust me here.
And if you don't, go ahead and try it out.
I had a client who went against my wishes, I told him listen, do this, which was do not
be texting her.
Guess what happened?
He was texting her.
They were texting a bunch.
And then he said something that turned her off and then she canceled the date.
That happens all the time.
It is going to be more attractive to be a person who is going to not be texting her.
Anyway, let's weigh the options again.
If you text her, you end up having more room for error.
If you don't text her, then you're thinking she might lose interest.
But again, there's not gonna be anything you're going to say that's going to screw it up.
Because there is no right thing to say.
And don't listen to any coaches who tell you, send these text messages to build attraction
over text.
It doesn't work that way.
It just doesn't work that way.
If she wasn't interested, then she's not interested, then whatever, then okay, she cancels the
date.
But if she's interested enough, then you're gonna have an awesome date.
If she shows up on the date and you guys didn't text, this girl likes you.
And that's awesome.
And also, wouldn't it be great... this is how we think in the abundance terms, abundance
mentality... that you were setting up so many dates that you were filtering for the ones
who were the high level of interest who showed up without you texting them?
And the ones that weren't that interested who said, oh, he hasn't texted me bye.
Well they obviously weren't that interested then.
We're constantly filtering, constantly filtering for the women who have a high level of interest.
And you better believe that that girl will show up.
I want someone to come back to me and tell me, I want to hear actual proof, that they
have set up so many dates and that all the ones that they've set up where they did not
text them, these girls just flaked.
I get it, it's gonna happen.
But you don't know that would have happened anyways.
But anyways, the whole thing here is that it's not going to happen.
Now again, if you're setting up dates that are longer than six days away, yes, that is
that is a long time.
But that's where you do the FaceTime date.
And that's where you can fix that problem to then again, build attraction and lessen
the chances of a flake for the next time you guys set up a date which hopefully can be
closer to the date now.
Maybe have a FaceTime date and she still can't do a date for another week or 12 days okay,
well, so be it.
Maybe you can do another FaceTime date.
Well set up the date and if she shows up, she shows up.
And if not, then she wasn't that interested from the FaceTime.
But if you did a FaceTime and you like her and she likes you, she'll show up on that
date, even if it's like two weeks away.
Again, we're talking about if you set a date after that FaceTime that you do and it happens
to be far away.