Here's what people are talking about.
You guys, the gold medal-winning U.S. women's hockey team
is here tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ]
They'll be out in a few minutes,
but until then, they're downstairs
in the 30 Rock ice rink slamming tourists into the boards.
Of course, the Academy Awards were last night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And -- Yeah.
And today my dad called me up
and said I did a great job hosting.
-Aww. -That's so nice.
Last night's Oscars broadcast
was over three and a half hours long.
Wow.
To put that in perspective, that's longer
than most jobs last in the White House.
Uh -- Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Did you see at one point... -Hey-oh!
-...I guess Christopher Walken got onstage to present
the award for Best Original Score,
and a lot of people were talking about his pants being high.
Did you hear about this? I didn't --
But look. Check it out. See if you can notice it.
-"...music speaks." -I guess so, yeah.
-These words by Hans Christian Andersen truly sum up --
-I mean, that's a little... -Wow!
-...the emotional spaces...
-Okay. Come on.
-...long after the credits have rolled.
[ Muffled ]
-Now -- I see something now. I didn't see it last night.
I get it now.
-You made that up.
-In other movie news, "Black Panther" was a huge hit
at the box office again this weekend, making $65 million.
-Ohh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-The only thing coming in higher?
Christopher Walken's pants.
-Really? -That's the only -- That's it.
Some news out of Washington.
I read that President Trump is on a diet
and has been trying to eat more salad.
When he first ordered one at the White House,
the kitchen was excited 'cause they thought the Obamas were back.
They were like, "Michelle?! -Hey-oh!
-Michelle?! Michelle?!
Michelle?!"
This was going viral over the weekend --
a group of Republican lawmakers in Utah
made a video to explain how laws are made,
and they decided to get a little creative.
Check this out.
-All right, all right. Stop, stop, stop.
I can't take it. I can't take it.
Just when you thought Utah couldn't get any whiter.
You know, that's exactly...
Wow.
[ Applause ]
You guys hear this? It was so windy this weekend
that almost all the passengers
on a United flight to D.C. threw up.
When United said, "We're gonna have to get rid of this plane,"
Spirit Airlines was like, "We'll take it.
[ Laughter ]
We don't mind. Just hose it down."
-"Hose it down!"
-Some international news tonight.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un
invited South Korean officials to dinner.
It was described as two hours of,
"You take a bite." "No, you take a bite first."
"Let's switch wines." "You take a sip."
This is interesting.
I saw that, in Finland, a pair of baby pandas
is attracting attention for the --
♪♪♪♪
All right.
Hashtag, I think there's some confusion.
I wasn't actually trying to call you out here.
I'm sorry. I was just telling a joke.
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask you to go.
[ Audience awws ]
You know, I don't even think that joke will work.
Now, let's just move on to the next one.
Scientists just discovered a gene in rams
that explains a possible --
♪♪♪♪
Stop, stop, stop. What -- Are you --
The mascot for the UNC Tar Heels right there.
This is -- Thank you.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this.
But you have to go, too.
I have a show to do. Sorry.
[ Audience awws ]
Sorry about that, guys. Okay. Next joke.
I saw that bird-watchers have spotted an extremely --
♪♪♪♪
Okay. Thank you. You guys have to let me finish a joke.
Please, just go over there. Thank you very much.
[ Audience awws ]
Let's, uh, switch gears.
In entertainment news, "Black Panther"
has been number one at the b--
♪♪♪♪
You're not even a --
You're not even a black panther.
That doesn't really make sense.
Just go over there, please? Please, just go over there.
Yeah. Go.
[ Audience awws ]
Let's go with the next joke.
In sports, I saw that Tiger Woods is preparing --
♪♪♪♪
No. Please. Go over there, please.
Get away. Thank you very much. -Wow!
-Let's go to the next joke.
I saw that sales on yellow-colored jackets have fallen --
♪♪♪♪
Hey. Hey! Bud! Hey!
All right. Thank you. Please. Go over there. Please.
Guys, I'm not trying to be cavalier about this.
I need to get back to my --
♪♪♪♪
Thank you very much. Yeah. Good to see you. Bye.
Thank you very much. Just please stand over there.
Guys, I'm not even gonna do this next joke,
because why would I even do it?
Because I know that he's gonna come out.
Yeah -- They just -- Please. Just walk over there.
Guys.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I get it.
I get it. You guys want to dance, right?
You want to dance? All right.
As long as you're all here, hit it, Roots!
Go.
♪♪♪♪
Thank you very much.
♪♪♪♪
Get outta here. Thank you very much.
♪♪♪♪
All right. Very good. All right. That's it.
They must be exhausted. All right. Thank you, guys.
Be sure to catch the ACC Tournament,
which tips off tomorrow at Barclays Center.
Give it up for the mascots, you guys.
♪♪♪♪
-Oy!
-Guys, this made me laugh -- I read that Apple employees
keep walking into glass walls at their new campus in California.
[ Laughter ]
Then Apple customers said, "oh, so you DO know
how to make glass that doesn't shatter.
That's interesting."
-Ohh!
Ohh! Snap!
♪♪♪♪
All right.
Uh, this is pretty cute.
There's a photo --
Are they just gonna hang out in the hallway?
♪♪♪♪
Guys, that's good. That's enough. That's good.
My God. They're getting rowdy.
My God.
Uh, this is very cute. There's a photo going around
of a baby's reaction to trying pizza for the first time.
Have you seen this? Look at this.
Aww. Yeah.
Isn't that cute? Don't worry, kid.
It'll feel like that every single time.
Pizza's good.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And finally, some science news.
Stephen Hawking and Neil deGrasse Tyson
just posted a video explaining what came before the Big Bang.
Then Trump was like, "Easy -- Young Sheldon."
We have a great show tonight, guys.
Give it up for The Roots right there!