Hi, my name is ColdBeer and let’s start with Metro Exodus
There are three games in the series so far and in every single one of them you play as
Artyom - a survivor of nuclear war, who is living in the metro tunnels of post-apocalyptic
Moscow.
You are not alone who lives there - various creeps are sharing the place with you.
And I’m not talking about your friends and comrades, but rather about vicious mutants
that could be scarier than mondays.
Yeah, that’s if you have a job you hate.
And you do, right?
Metro is a first person shooter, so shooting is the thing you will be doing a lot in here.
And you will find almost zero RPG elements, so if you play Stalker for role playing bits,
I know there is not much there, but still, you won’t find that in Metro.
Also Metro Exodus is quite linear, you can make a decision or two, but basically everything
is already decided and you just have to play it out.
So a nice no brainer with a nice story.
Also I must warn you that the game might be scary sometimes, but not as scary as Stalker
when you go down the tunnels and meet those invisible bastards.
You know what I’m talking about.
Hunting these things will definitely grow balls on your hair.
Yeah, you heard right.
In Sound Mind
This is the game that has the least similarities with Stalker on this list, but it has a great
menacing atmosphere and a lot of post-apocalyptic stuff in it.
Also it’s quite new so there’s a huge chance that you may have never heard about
it.
Also it has Very positive reviews on Steam.
This is a survival horror where you will experience a series of haunting memories.
Here you will take on a journey through a progression of unsettling stories, each with
unique puzzles, mechanics, weapons, and boss fights.
Basically here you play as a town therapist and dive into the strange worlds of your patients.
The game is a bit scary and plays as a psychological thriller - all the levels are unique, and
all of them hold a certain ominous atmosphere.
So it will keep growing those balls on your hair.
The bad thing about this game is that some of the puzzles are really annoying and because
In Sound Mind is quite a new game it lacks optimization - sometimes when the boss charges
at you, you will experience a huge frame drop and then you will drop.
Drop dead.
That sucks and I wish it didn’t.
Also this game is like your penis.
Short.
Fallout 4
Well, everyone knows everything about Fallout 4, so I will just say that this is an amazing
game and if you have never played it, you are strongly encouraged to try it or your
cat will lose all its hair.
In your coffee.
Every coffee you’ll take will be full of cat hair.
Even if you don’t have a cat.
So that being said, I can provide you with a fun fact instead of talking about the game’s
features: According to an old urban legend, if you see a mushroom cloud from a Nuclear
bomb, you should extend your arm and stick your thumb up.
If the blast is bigger than your thumb, you are probably within the radiation zone and
should try to evacuate immediately.
So the Pipboy holding his thumb up with his closed left eye isn’t trying to say that
everything is ok.
It might be, but it’s probably not.
Also, many of you think that at first you see the blast and then the blast wave kills
you.
Well, that might be true, but if you are standing a bit closer to ground zero, keep in mind
that heat from the bomb’s blast comes to you as the infrared rays and infrared rays
travel at the speed of light.
So it may very well be that the blast wave, when it finally arrives, just scatters your
hot ashes away.
Chernobylite
This game came a long way since the early access that never should have happened.
Back in the day they released the game so unfinished that it got mainly bad reviews
from various youtubers and websites.
Even I did a review about this game and that wasn’t good review in any way.
Although I gave six vodkas out of ten back then, so I believed in it unconsciously.
Now it’s better.
It’s a solid game, but don’t expect realism of Stalker here.
It’s more like a dream of a drug addict that lives in the exclusion zone.
And you are traveling through that dream, weird and sometimes really scary.
Game is a strange mix of science fiction and supernatural powers, it is nonlinear, but
as well it’s not an open world - you will find different zones you can clear out and
then move on to the next one in your prefered order.
Also you have a base just like in Fallout 4 that you can upgrade and play home.
Generation Zero
The game was really hyped upon a release and when people didn't get a masterpiece bad reviews
started to flow.
That is a story of many games and Generation Zero definitely doesn’t deserve that, because
it may not be a masterpiece, but it’s not a bad game as well.
Here you will explore alternative Sweden in 1989.
One day swedes woke up early in the morning to, you know, to milk their deer herd, because
that’s what they do in Sweden and then instead of their beloved deers, they saw evil robots
everywhere.
f*n de där robotarna, norska kommer att lida för detta
Post-apocalypse is in the making and you are a part of it.
Alone or with up to three friends you will have to sneak, scavenge and shoot your way
to safety across a vast landscape that is as intriguing as it is deadly.
That is what developers say, but let me cite one of the disappointed players about the
same landscape: The map is large, but there is no variety, basically as wide as an ocean,
but shallow as a puddle.
Well, if it wasn’t shallow it would be a masterpiece, now it's just an ok post-apocalyptic
game for you to try if you manage to snatch it on a sale.
75% of recent reviews are positive, but those 25% of negative ones are still a big number,
so be carefull, make sure the game is for you, so later you won’t need to say
Ah kn*lla helv*te!
Dying Light
I wanted to ditch all the zombie apocalypse games from this list, but later I decided
that what the hell, I will include one.
But which one?
There are so many, so I did my research and the Dying Light was my final choice.
It has Overwhelmingly positive reviews on Steam, that makes at least 95% of all users
happy with their purchase.
And I say purchase because you can’t leave a review on Steam if you don’t own the game.
Here you will have to Survive in a city ravaged by a, obviously, zombie virus and freely roam
the city basking in its unique atmosphere.
You can also use parkour to scale every building and reach remote areas.
But the most dramatic shift in the world comes at the sundown, as you change from a hunter
to hunted.
Be sure your balls are huge, because I think it’s a minimum requirement to play this
game.
Oh yeah, see?
Also some girls have bigger balls than some guys, it’s not a gender thing at all.
So next game -
Evade the Light
Let me begin with an interesting story about a completely different game of a completely
different genre.
A long time ago I was reviewing a hack and slash RPG named Malus.
And Malus had these little spider thingys, crab like spider creatures that were really
fast and were determined to kill you.
So when I was watching the trailer of Evade the Light I saw this.
What is that?
Is this some cheap 3D model everyone can buy from the same store?
Or this is something, you know like trolls and goblins, a basic creature everyone knows
but me?
You know I expect someone to say in the comments right now, hey it’s a common glarblshnorblglorb,
it’s a creature from German mythology, every German kid has at least seven of those at
home.
No?
Ok, let’s talk about the game.
This time the story unfolds in a rather unusual place, and especially that catched my attention.
It's Azerbaijan in near future where a paranormal incident has occurred in one of the underpopulated
mountain regions of the country.
It not only touched inappropriately upon all living things in this area, but also messed
up with the laws of nature.
The government managed to prevent the spread of panic, but did not achieve great success
in studying the anomaly - all the sent scientists disappeared without a trace.
You are the last hope in solving this mystery.
But no matter how hard-boiled you are, you shouldn't relax - you never know what is hidden
in the Azerbaijan darkness...
The game will be released this year, at any moment, and we will see if this is a nice
game or if it's not.
Thank you for watching, have a nice day and I’ll see you next time, bye.
STAY HAIRY!