For the next nine months, the news media
is going to be overwhelming you with nonstop election
coverage, and we want to be a part of that,
so we're going to preview our wall to wall
election season coverage with the best [bleep]
news team going.
[cheering, applause]
We're going to start, we got our very own
Desi Lydic and Michael Kosta.
Desi, welcome, Michael, welcome.
Desi, I'll start with you.
Where, where are you going to be reporting
from this election season?
Jon, I'm going to be spending the next nine months here
in a Michigan diner, because diners
are where real Americans eat.
The people are gritty, the menus are sticky,
and the chickens have fingers.
And I'll be in the same diner as Desi,
but the realer part of the diner,
not the booth section with all the coastal elite Democrats
and their fancy back support.
I'll be spending the campaign at the counter,
with the Trump voters, because realer
Americans want to sit at the bar stool on their coats.
Jon.
Michael, what do Trump voters think about this election?
Oh, they're excited for President Trump
to win the presidency a third time, and enact his agenda.
Are they talking about border wall, tariffs, that's
what they're excited for?
No, I would say the vengeance.
Total and utter vengeance.
One woman I met, Irene, retired nurse,
she said that she hopes that Trump will
quote, "split the skies and rain
fire upon the states of blue.
His terrible blades sundering his enemies
until nature herself bows before his dominion,
and his name is carved upon the moon," end quote.
Is there also enthusiasm on the Democratic side, Desi.
Oh, oh, the Democrats are pumped for Joe Biden.
Whether it's this Joe Biden or maybe someone else who changes
their name to Joe Biden.
Point is, everyone's excited and no
one's crying in the bathroom.
It sounds like things are going very well,
and we'll certainly be keeping--
Yoo-hoo! Jon, over here.
Hello!
It's Dulcé Sloan, everybody, Dulcé.
[cheering, applause]
Hello, hello, hello.
Dulcé outside.
It looks like-- it looks like you're outside.
Why aren't you inside the diner,
asking people what they think?
I know what they think.
It's what everybody thinks.
This is the same shit all over again.
It's just a reboot!
We need more than just the same show with an older,
yet familiar face.
[cheering, applause]
You mean, you talking the two candidates.
You're talking about the--
Yeah!
I mean, they already had this job.
Now these old white dudes got to come back and reclaim
it like, come on, sir, go do something new,
what's so desperate.
Like, let someone else run the show.
We're-- we're talking about the election, right?
I said what I said.
[cheering, applause]
Jon, Jon, Jon, I disagree.
You won't find a single Republican who will say they
don't want to vote for Trump.
Now, is that because they're afraid of being murdered
by other Trump voters?
Yes.
But being afraid is a form of excitement.
Yeah.
Same here, Jon.
The Democrats here can't wait to show
their Joe Biden support with these great campaign shirts.
That's, Desi, his name is Velcroed on that shirt.
Hmm? No.
Yeah, no.
What's underneath the name, Desi?
What--
[crackling ripping]
[cheering, applause]
So they're counting on-- they're counting on Taylor
Swift to jump into the race?
Oh, my God, no, no.
Why?
Has she said something to you?
No.
Listen, guys, thank you so much.
It's going to be a great campaign.
Is that Ronny Chieng behind you, Desi?
[cheering, applause]
Oh.
Yeah.
Hey, Jon.
Hey, Ronny.
It's great to see you're going to be
out on the campaign trail.
What do you got?
Uh, I got potato skins, Jon.
Just the way I like them, too.
They're frozen in the middle.
Back to you, Jon.
Ronny, what about the people?
No!
Don't, don't encourage this behavior.
What about the people there, Ronny?
What are their beliefs, their positions?
What are you [bleep] talking about?
Their position--
[coughing]
Oh, God.
Their position is us knowing our place and eating.
This is a diner, OK?
People come here to eat.
And sometimes take a quick bath in the sink.
[cheering, applause]
You know what, Ronny?
Ronny, get back over here!
Don't you walk away, Ronny!
You are there to get a story.
Ask someone a question.
All right, all right.
Does anybody want those fries?
Ronny Chieng, everybody.
Give it up one more time.
[cheering, applause]
They're the best [bleep] news team.
You know something?
If I can say just this one thing.
When you consider the election--
Bravo, Jon, bra frickin-o.
[clapping]
[cheering, applause]
Well, well, well, it's Jordan Klepper, everybody.
I didn't, I didn't see you there.
You must have snuck up.
Shouldn't you be out somewhere talking to insurrectionists
in a parking lot?
Oh!
Biting, Jon, biting.
You must be so proud of yourself
with all these little satirical bits,
exposing the absurdities of our political process.
Well, I mean, it was fun. We had a fun day.
We had fun making this stuff up.
Oh, I bet it was.
Did you save democracy yet?
No, I didn't.
Your '90s brand of snark and both siderism.
Oh, George Bush is dumb!
Al Gore's boring!
Wow!
Searing, Jon.
I wasn't really trying to save democracy.
I was just trying to--
All you do is brainwash voters
into accepting a corrosive status
quo, when they could be out marching in the streets
to effect change.
Frankly, you disgust me.
I can I can tell that from the tone
of your voice on there.
But you know, Jordan, I'm here like once a week.
Like, seriously, what are you, what do you want from me?
It's like-- - Wait.
You're only here once a week?
Yeah.
Who's hosting the show the other days of the week?
The news team, Jordan.
In fact, you're the host this whole week after I leave.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, that's you.
[cheering, applause]
Yeah.
It's great having you back, buddy, I got to tell you that.
This is going to be so much fun.
What we're doing here is important, Jon!
I can't wait to change the world with you, my friend.
Thanks very much.
Really nice to see you.
Thank you, good to see you.
Jordan Klepper, everybody!