(pensive uplifting music)
- My name is Aunjoli.
- [Interviewer] How old are you?
- I'm 31.
- I'm Kendra, I'm 16.
- I'm Lady Krishna.
I was born in 1955, so that makes me 66 years old.
- [Interviewer] Let's start with,
what does makeup mean to you?
- Makeup is an enhancement of the beauty
that's already there.
You know, it's like the butterfly.
- It gives me that like "Oh, fantasy!
I don't have acne, I have gorgeous skin!"
- It's just part of the everyday routine.
- The type of makeup I wear
and use is a theatrical standpoint.
I did a lot of theater.
- Makeup and I have have an interesting relationship,
all right?
So I actually used to do drag,
that it was just kind of a way to completely transform.
- You're using arts to kind of like display yourself
and show how you wanna feel in the inside.
- I get looked at quite a bit,
'cause I look a little different.
- [Interviewer] What do you mean by that?
- The hair, the tattoos, I'm in a wheelchair,
like, it's a lot going on, so people are always looking.
I think I notice it less when I have makeup on.
- I use makeup as a way to distance myself,
so if I don't want people to talk to me,
I look more like a freak.
- [Interviewer] You ready to take it off?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- [Interviewer] Could you tell me
at what age you felt the most beautiful?
- Probably like 13.
- [Interviewer] Why?
- Because I decided not to care anymore.
- Most beautiful?
I don't think I ever have truly felt beautiful,
and I know that's really dark.
- I don't subjugate myself to age, you know,
I just keep the child in me,
and if you keep the child, you will always be beautiful.
- I've had my first wrinkle.
I have Botox all in my face
(Aunjoli laughs) (interviewer laughs)
and filler so I guess I am kind of afraid of aging.
- [Interviewer] What's the role of social media?
- The role is huge.
I think we're at like a peak.
- Everyone is subconsciously trying
to make everyone else think higher of themselves.
- Society runs on that system of like,
whatever looks the best is the best.
So whatever makes you look more.
Like, what people want to see will get you access to things.
Pretty privilege.
- Definitely, makeup in the beginning was more of a shield
and was more like a, "Look at my face, not at my thighs!"
- [Interviewer] And you feel
like makeup makes you feel skinny?
- It makes me feel the way I think skinny people feel.
- [Interviewer] Which is what?
- Which is confident.
- [Interviewer] How has transitioning affected
how much makeup you wear?
- I felt like I needed to wear a lot of it
in order to, I hate this word, pass.
- Before my accident, I liked makeup and I liked tattoos.
After my accident, I went hard with both,
because people were already staring at me,
so I thought I would give them something else to stare at.
- My sister did my makeup one day and I had eyebrows,
and I remember going to school
and people telling me, like, "You look different."
And I don't think I have worn no makeup to school since.
See the difference?
- [Interviewer] Let me see.
Literally no, I can't.
I get it, but I can't.
- Whatever I do makeup, I do half and half,
because "Mulan" has affected my life dramatically.
Like, that scene specifically when it was the half
and half is really how I felt my entire life.
I don't necessarily hate the feminine part of me,
but I feel like I was made to hate her.
- [Interviewer] Your makeup looks off.
- It's off.
- [Interviewer] So let's talk about what it feels
like not wearing makeup in public.
- Oh, that I can't.
I've only been out of the house a couple times
in my life without lipstick on and it was always a disaster.
- [Interviewer] What does it feel like?
- Just terrible!
I feel naked!
- [Interviewer] How would it feel to show up to school
and have no makeup on?
- I probably would never do that.
- At work,
I felt like people weren't gonna take me as seriously.
- It's like if we don't wear makeup,
then we don't care and we're lazy,
or if we wear too much makeup, then we're high maintenance
and we think too highly of ourselves.
So it's like, "Okay, well, what are we supposed to then?"
- [Interviewer] How do you prefer to see yourself,
with or without it?
- Without, 'cause of my skin breathes
and I'm not breaking out
and I'm freaking out about breaking out
and then covering up with makeup.
- I'm gonna say without,
I don't know if that's the full truth in this moment,
but if I say it, it'll start to become true.
- It's like weird because I'm more self-conscious
without it, but I'm also more relaxed without it.
- It feels like I'm not competing
when I don't put makeup on.
- We should live more
in a society where we're more comfortable
with not having makeup on and not judging people.
- [Interviewer] So what if I say
that change starts with you? (laughs)
- I know!
It's so hypocritical!
I mean, it does start with me, for sure.