Sami Zayn kind of turns on Kevin Owens.
AJ and Nakamura kicked each other in the dicks.
And yep, this will probably be the worst WWE show of the year.
I’m Oli Davis, click the ‘i’ above my head to vote for what you thought - where
you can choose from In Awe, Cor, AVRAWGE, Poor and Bore - as I review Backlash 2018
...in about 4 minutes.
Backlash Is A Co-Branded Pay-Per-View And just before we get started, to clear up
any confusion - even though three of the five major WWE events this year already have also
had wrestlers from both shows - Backlash is a dual branded pay-per-view; meaning there
will be stars from both Raw and SmackDown.
Don’t worry about writing that down, though, because the commentators will remind you at
the start of every match.
It’s the worst of both worlds.
Seth Rollins beat The Miz 4* You wouldn’t have thought that watching
Miz and Seth Rollins’ very good opener, though.
A fantastic knee injury spot, a brilliant Skull Crushing Finale near fall and a curbstomp
to retain - ooooh Kingslayer continues his run of show-stealing performances.
Nia Jax beat Alexa Bliss 1* Sadly, he didn’t have much competition.
Alexa Bliss worked over Nia Jax for the majority of the following match, despite everyone wanting
to see Jax obliterate her bully with some monster moves.
After taking a good 90% of the match, Bliss then lost, crying at ringside, leaving Nia
to cut a half-hearted anti-bullying promo while Michael Cole reeled off WWE’s many
anti-bullying charity endeavours.
It was such sentimental force-feeding, the New York crowd booed.
WWE, you just made people boo the concept of anti-bullying charities.
Jeff Hardy beat Randy Orton 2* Jeff Hardy shiny top was probably the most
exciting thing about his pedestrian victory over Randy Orton, winning with his trademark
SWANTON BOMB RIGHT ON YOUR LUNGS!
This never got out of TV match gear, although I appreciated Orton’s more heelish style.
All The Musical Gimmicks Speaking of TV-style segments, we got all
of WWE’s musical acts in one single in-ring skit.
Because Backlash is a dual branded pay-per-view, meaning the stars of Raw and Smackdown are
both he-I GET HOW IT WORKS MICHAEL COLE.
While Elias’ concert being continually interrupted by the New Day, Rusev Day, No Way Jose and,
finally, Bobby Roode was quite funny, it wasn’t needed on a three-and-a-half hour show.
Daniel Bryan beat Big Cass - 2* Daniel Bryan doesn’t just have a size difference
to overcome against Big Cass, he’s also got to deal with a serious disparity in baby
oil!
You never gonna catch me.
It’s a credit to both men being over in their respective heel and face roles that
Cass was booed by his hometown crowd.
The match, however, was just fine, and ended with Cass rather anticlimactically tapping
to the Yes Lock - when he could’ve easily used his baby oil to just slide out.
You’re never gonna catch me.
Cass attacked Bryan afterwards meaning this feud probably isn’t over...
Carmella beat Charlotte - 1* Bryan’s first big pay-per-view singles match
from his return going a lacklustre 7 minutes against Big Cass appeared to deflate the crowd,
which Carmella’s LIFE-SUCKING CHINLOCK OF DOOM did little to win back.
Just like the Nia vs Alexa match, the far more believable wrestler of the two here was
dominated for the majority… but this time just lost anyway, when Charlotte sold a knee
injury after missing a moonsault to get rolled up for the pin - just the latest waste of
Charlotte ending Asuka’s streak.
AJ Styles Vs Shinsuke Nakamura (Double Count Out) - 3.75*
Next up was AJ Styles vs Shinsuke Nakamura in a No DQ match, which was later revealed
to stand for a No Dick-sqaulification match.
It took 10 minutes for the first weapon to be introduced, where AJ cut open his left
cheek with an accidental chair-to-knee-to-face spot.
But the finish came with all the low blows, Styles and Nakamura effectively doing a yay/boo
spot… on each other’s dicks.
They hit each others balls so much, neither could physically stand after a count of ten,
meaning AJ retained in their best match so far, but with a lame ending.
Bobby Lashley & Braun Strowman beat Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens - 1*
While the majority of Backlash matches were disappointing, I found Bobby Lashley and Braun
Strowman easily beating Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens the most frustrating.
Apart from being just a throwaway tag match on Raw - that we’d already seen just two
weeks ago - the finish was based around Sami trying to leave, and then throwing Owens to
Strowman to take the loss.
Sami and KO have so much potential and natural charisma as a tag team.
It’s practically an open goal in terms of booking.
But WWE get it wrong week after week, inconsistently teasing dissension when there should be none.
And because the crowd weren’t into it, Braun’s babyface powerslams on Owens didn’t get
the pops they need.
I strongly disliked the story of this completely needless match.
Roman Reigns beat Samoa Joe 1.5* But whoah Nelly, did the main event give it
a run in the crap stakes.
After cutting an intense promo about how he’s going to turn the Big Dawg into a whimpering
puppy, and then awesomely putting Roman Reigns through the announcers table before the match
even began, Samoa Joe carried on that ferocity with... rest holds.
Lots and lots of rest holds.
It meant that it wasn’t just Roman getting booed, it was the match itself.
The crowd then played through WWE: The Disinterested Roman Match volume 5, with such hits as ‘Rusev
Day’, ‘Beat the traffic’ and ‘This is boring’.
When the match finally ended after a Reigns spear, the WWE production truck cut to see
Roman’s adoring fans… walking out the arena.
Backlash was a very underwhelming show, rife with screwy finishes and lacklustre action.
In fact, the numbers are in, I can confirm Backlash was actually 83% rest hold.
The Rollins vs Miz opener feels like months ago.
Backlash 2018 is the worst possible rating, Bore.
The fascinating story of the cancelled WCW invasion storyline at WrestleMania X-7, however,
is much better.
Click the video onscreen now to find out what was originally planned for one of WWE’s
best ever shows!
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