- Gentlemen, it's time.
It's time for the next TikTok Wars
and I'm gonna be pitting Dr.Mike against Steven He
- Emotional damage.
- That thing hurt my ear so bad.
Can I sue you for that?
Steven? How confident are you in your TikTok abilities?
- Oof.
- I, I'm not a TikToker, but I'll give it
- You're a bigger TikToker than I am a TikToker.
- Both of you will have 30 minutes to create a TikTok.
Our first challenge is peewoop
and emotional damage words that have stayed.
In this first TikTok.
Invent a new catchphrase.
30 minutes.
Go.
- Wait, it starts now.
- 30 minutes.
- Oh, no.
- Where, where should I go?
- I kinda want to do something
where it's like peewoop damage.
- Oh, I got it.
I got it.
- Oh
- I think I'm feeling something.
- It's about every Asian parent solution to every illness.
- [Phone] Let me do it for you
- Where do I get a gray blazer?
Ah, asian dad got upgrade today.
- It's a rule of threes.
You always need a third.
- [Camera Person] Dr. Mike is gonna love
the medical accuracy of this.
- Dan, I need to borrow your hand.
Just, just hold this shot.
- My girlfriend just dumped me. (laughs loudly)
- [Steven] Yes.
I don't know how to edit things on my phone.
I'm sorry.
(Whistle)
- Oh my God.
All righty.
So I have one from each of you.
Which should I watch first?
- I wanna watch yours
- Okay. All right.
- All right
- But wait, I got, I got, got, got, got got.
I gotta set it up.
- All right.
- Here's your doctor
doing things for you
- Here's your doctor doing things for you.
- For you.
- Sad patient,
doctor listening.
Patient reaches for tissues.
- Let me do it for you.
- Oh my goodness.
- So nice of the doctor.
Good PA club.
Partying.
- Taking shots.
Doctor's gotta come in.
- Cheers.
- Let you it for
- I thought you actually made that song with your mouth.
- Let me do it for you.
- I just realized that could not be your foot.
- Wow.
- So the doctor got the tissues to be emotionally supportive
spilled out the shot to prevent alcoholism
and the doctor checked the reflexes and also
allowed playtime with the dog, which are all healthy things.
So my new catchphrase is
Let me do it for you.
- Okay. Really impressive.
And as we all know, one of the golden rules of
comedy is it's always funnier when you have to explain it.
Let's move on to Stevens.
- Hey dad, um I woke up with a sore throat.
It feels like d I dunno.
Oh, okay.
No problem.
So from all of the medical expertise I've ever studied
passed down through tradition.
I have just a cure for you.
VapoRub
I, I just, I fell off the bike and I
I sprained my elbow and it's like, probably
Probably, probably bleeding.
VapoRub
I only got a B in geographies.
VapoRub
My girlfriend just, just dumped me.
VapoRub
breaking news.
This is CNBS here with a breaking news
of a viral TikTok trend that has
apparently revolutionized the entire
medical industry with one saying.
VapoRub
(laughing)
- Alrighty.
- Well, I'll say this.
Mike really impressed me.
He made a very funny TikTok.
He did a bunch of different shots.
Technically it was very impressive.
And because of that, I'm gonna give
that two thirds a cup of bear drool
- Okay
- That's two-thirds of a cup.
- Okay
- That's a lot of the drool.
- Steven. It was very tight.
It was very punchy.
The premise was very, very clear.
I think I'm gonna give Steven a full cup of Bear drool
because he invented a new catchphrase.
Mike was taking inspiration from something that exists.
Steven invented VapoRub.
I can see this trending.
I can see Vapor Rub becoming new.
- That's trademark
- That's gonna be
- Yeah. And mine is not trademarked
how does it mean that I'm stealing
- which means Steven is going above and beyond
to create a, a built-in brand deal for himself.
I'm gonna give one point over to Steven He.
- Oh my God, thank you so Much Sam
- Goop products and Miracle Cures
things that should be banned
in this next TikTok.
Show us a doctor that's off brand.
(gentle music)
- [Steven] Hello. Bear Bear, please help me.
You're about to see my very first doctor character
of my entire channel.
What kind of hospital is this?
It doesn't really
(whistle)
- I'm gonna watch Stevens first.
- Okay. Off brand doctors.
- Off brand doctors.
- Uhm. What kind of hospital is this?
It doesn't really look like a real hospital.
Oh, no, no.
Everything is, is totally cool.
I I got my degree from Wish.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm just having a sore throat.
No problem.
Have you tried some sneeze candy?
You mean cough drop?
Or you could drink some bazooka honey.
You mean manuka honey?
My dad told me this one.
You could put some lion paste under your nose.
Tiger balm.
What kind of place?
What are you gonna put me in an MRI scan next?
We do have an IRS scan.
Okay. I must have gone to the wrong place.
I thought this was the Mayo Clinic.
Oh no.
This is the ketchup clinic
(laughing)
- And scene
- Mine is triple the length of that one.
- I'm so curious.
- This is Dr. Toz.
- Dr. Toz.
- Is that a reference to something like a show
- Have you heard of Dr. Oz?
Lord it's such a cold day
but I gotta go check out my heart, man.
This is, this is not good.
Oh, what is, what, what, what is this?
Shouldn't this say cardiologist?
what is this
as seen on TV?
(knocking)
Hey, how you doing?
Welcome. Welcome to the office.
This is where we produce our, I mean treat patients.
You know
we gotta make sure everyone's healthy with the heart.
This is, this is the body.
You see, Doctor Oz.
Why am I sitting without my shirt on?
This is awkward.
Who's the doctor here
Who's had 10 seasons of a successful show?
Eh, I gotta do a skin exam.
All right.
I'm already seeing some dysfunctions.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure those are binoculars, there champ.
Pretty sure I'm the one that went to medical school.
Okay.
- Columbia trained?
- This is your body.
There's something wrong with your body.
I'm gonna fix it.
You see that?
I'm a surgeon.
I'm a surgeon, and I know just what you need.
Really? I mean, you're a heart surgeon though.
And what do you think I need?
You may not have voted for me, but this is what you need.
Miracle BS?
Why would I want this?
You, watch your mouth, you young man.
That's the finest cow bull excrement that will
extend your life, cause you to lose weight
make you be superhuman, and have superhuman potential.
Did I check that?
Fact check, fact check fact.
We don't need fact check.
- We just need fact check checks.
- We just need miracles
So vote for me in 2022 Senate.
- You don't need fact checks in that hospital.
- I'm very pleased across the board here.
Let's start with Steven He.
What a clear concept, right?
Very straight forward.
The off-brand doctor.
We're doing a lot of wordplay there.
Wordplay is very fun.
So because of that
I'm gonna give this a very respectable two Roxy legs.
It's a two, two
Roxy legs
- Oh which is almost as many legs as Roxy now has
- Yes.
Now on the other hand, we have Dr. Mike
and, and, and now this concept wasn't quite as clear
as Stevens was, but I think that actually worked
to your advantage.
Mike. Mike went above and beyond here.
He went to the next level.
I learned a little bit something about myself
in in watching this.
I'm gonna give it the highest possible score
you can get on the Roxy leg meter.
Do you know how high that is?
- Three legs?
- Because she's only got three of 'em.
It's only funny because she's okay.
- Yes.
- That's gonna be a point over there for Dr. Mike.
One to one tied, heading into the final round.
All the marbles.
- Oh boy.
All the Peewoops.
- All the PeeWhoops.
- To throne, the TikTok wars champion of today.
You've longed for their acceptance.
You've cried, begged so loud.
In this final TikTok
show us what would finally make your father proud.
- Oh boy.
Oh boy.
- 30 minutes.
Go.
- You can't even see the tie.
- We're stuck because currently I have two jokes.
I have no escalation in between them.
Hey, I just became a doctor
- Papa.
I just say a life!
(whistle)
- What will finally make your father happy?
It's time for me to judge the final round.
- Not so fast.
- Oh. Oh.
Looks like, like we have a guest judge.
- I'm gonna decide.
- Chris. Chris Collins is here.
The reigning champion of TikTok Wars.
- That's right.
- You've held the crown for a year now.
- It's true.
- It's time for you to
- A fourth guest judge Bear
- Get outta here, go.
- Bear's on my side.
- Bear, come here.
Lay down.
You're, you're very slobbery.
- Okay. What will make their fathers happy?
- I'm excited to see
- Hey dad.
I just got to medical school.
So Mike going to the best school.
Which one?
All of them.
Hey dad, I just became a doctor.
Mike already a doctor when he was playing.
I just got a New York Times article.
Mike just bought the New York Times.
I just won a Nobel prize.
Mike has five.
I did my degree with a scholarship.
Scholarship. So what?
That means I didn't have to pay tuition.
You got discount?!
(laughing loudly)
- Oh my god.
- This is gonna be an uphill battle.
- I think Steven's gonna lay down some
emotional damage on you buddy.
- Ooh. But we let's we have, we still have
- Gimme a chance, like my father wouldn't.
- Cue emotion damage.
What is that a beard?
That's a beard
- Papa. I just finished my first marathon.
Papa, I just beat up IDubbbz.
So what?
Papa, I got a perfect MCAT score.
And?
Papa, I just say the life using chest compressions.
Chest compressions.
Meh
- Papa
I finally made the cure for cancer.
I'm giving it to you.
- We had like the same thought.
We had the same progression.
This is good
- You guys didn't plan that
Like you guys.
- No we didn't
respect that.
That is
- That was good.
- Great minds think alike.
Chris and I need to deliberate.
So if you two could please step out?
This is close.
- Yeah.
- This is really close.
- It is.
I was actually not expecting Mike's to be as good
as it was because this is Steven's wheelhouse
and it was flawless to be honest.
- Yes. Steven was teed up.
He got the timing right.
He got the pacing right.
- It was so good
- Let's give Mike some credit here.
There's music involved.
- There was music at the beginning.
- He had onscreen text in there.
That's worth something.
- That wha Yep.
The fake beard was disturbing.
But entertaining.
- I think I've made a decision.
- Okay.
- Um, I think we share the same opinion.
- Okay.
- Scoring wise, one person has received a three
while the other person has received a full four
out of four rounds with Chris Avila
- Which is technically me
- The winner of TikTok Wars
and the new reigning TikTok champion is
Steven He!
- This is emotional.
I need an explanation.
- Okay. You do.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
- No, emotional damage.
- I love you brother.
- Okay well check out our full conversation
where we talk everything there is to know
about Stephen He's life before YouTube
in the middle of YouTube and what the future holds.
Click here to check that out.
And as always, stay happy and healthy
- Yay
(Outro Music)