(groans)
(guitar strums)
(phone rings)
- Hello?
- [Sponsor] Hi, I'm calling from EarPenetratorz
Headphones.
We saw how Congressman Halstrom was treated at
Tween Fest and we're withdrawing our
sponsorship from Weekend 2.
- [Sponsor #2] Tween Fest is no longer on-brand
for Tweenie Beanies Jelly Beans.
- [Sponsor #3] Almost Ready Practice Condoms.
- [Sponsor #4] Pop Dat Cherry Shirley Temple in a Can.
- [Sponsor #5] Dumpz with a Z, toilets for tweens, sorry.
(screams)
(techno music)
- It looks like 90% of your sponsors
have dropped out of Weekend 2, which
leaves you with a total budget of negative $30,000.
- Look, I will move Tween Fest.
We must be able to find cheaper land in the next five
days, don't you think?
- You should be able to.
I'm going home for the week.
- Please stay!
Please stay!
I can't do this alone, Ethan.
Please, I'll pay you!
- You don't have any money.
- College credit, you're all about college credit!
Name your college you want, I will give you credit!
- Mr Crawford, you would have to send me to
every college in America twice to make up
for the boner you've made of this festival.
Good day.
- Ethan, think about what you're doing.
Do you need help with that?
- I'm fine, it rolls
- Goddammit!
You know what, Ethan?
You're being a real peen.
(techno music)
- Oh yeah.
- Oh my gosh, yes.
- We're gettin so much fan art right now.
- They're already taking bets on our hypothetical
baby's name.
- We got invited to the White House.
And oh my God, YouTube Space LA!
- Shut it!
- Babe, that's huge.
- Excuse me, can you help me load up my car?
I'm a blind person.
- Ew, gross, no way, you blind bitch!
Can't you see I'm saying goodbye to my super
viral girlfriend?
- Oh, I see, you don't have time for a blind girl?
Or me?
(guitar strums)
- Oh.
Aren't you that girl that I flipped the script on?
- Well, now I'm flipping the script on you.
This is being livestreamed, so everyone can see
that you're a hypocrite.
- What?
Oh my God, I just lost 10,000 subscribers!
BuzzGuzzler says my MTV2 pilot is in jeopardy!
Oh my God, #LexiiDumpsZayden?
You told the press before me?
It's only been 30 seconds, babe.
- I mean what the blogs are saying is true.
Your social experiments are nothing, but glorified pranks.
You're just a prankster.
- What?
No I'm not.
What's happening right now?
It's like I'm being cyberbullied, but in real life.
If only there was a word for that.
Stop, little girls.
(techno music)
(melancholic music)
- Hang on a sec, Mom.
- You!
I told you, I'm out of the vape game.
Leave me and my trash at peace.
- If you can't move on from the past,
it'll always haunt your future.
- You'd be haunted too if your last vape protege died.
- You can't blame yourself.
When you're ready to move on, call my mom's house.
I'll be waiting.
Just don't call after 10, she gets mad.
- You ready to go, honey?
- No, he's not.
He's coming to the desert with me.
- Okay!
Have fun with your new friend!
- Maddisyn?
You wanna be Daddy's new unpaid intern?
Come on, Ethan's bein' a real peen.
Maddy?
Maddisyn?
(phone rings)
- Hello.
- You stole my car?
- Uh yeah, you wouldn't take me home so I took myself home.
- Hold on, you only have a learner's permit!
You can't operate a vehicle without
a registered driver in the car.
- Great, then I'll pick up a hitchhiker.
- No, no, no!
Don't do that!
How am I supposed to get around?
I have to find a new place for Tween Fest
and now I can't leave the old place for Tween Fest.
- Good.
You should stay and think about the mess that you made.
- Oh my God, I thought Ethan was bein' a peen.
You're the peen!
Maddisyn?
Maddisyn.
Goddammit.
I've got to stop buttoning these pockets.
(techno music)
- [Lexi Voiceover] You're just a prankster.
Prankster.
- [Ambyr Voiceover] Now I'm flipping the script on you.
Script on you.
- [Zayden Voiceover] Are my social experiments really
just pranks?
I thought I was opening people's minds by
pretending to be disabled and gay and shit.
Gay and shit, gay and shit.
Who am I?
Prankster, social experiments, prankster.
Gay and shit, gay and shit, gay and shit.
(alarm rings)
(mystical music)
(rock music)
(coughs)
- Hey, look.
- Woohoo!
(gong chimes)
- You've opened my eyes, Twonkmaster Chris.
I thought God put me on this earth to do Family Guy voices.
But I now know that His true plan
for me was doing dope-ass vape tricks.
- It's time you put those skills to the test.
I signed you up for Tween Fest's
underground vape tricks tournament.
- What?
The world's greatest vape tricks artists are gonna be there!
You're crazy if you think I have a
chance against guys like Cloud
Maestro and Jimmy the Juice Whore.
- I'll make sure you're ready.
- Hey, Twonkmaster?
How did your old vape protege die?
(sighs)
- As the final step of Slurp Nastyjuice's
training, I challenged him to a vape duel.
I should have gone easy on him, but I thought he
could handle it.
His lungs burst.
I swore I'd never train someone to
vape again until the next day when I met you.
- [Zayden Voiceover] Excuse me, why did you let me be
racist during this fake bank robbery?
Excuse me, why did you not stop me
from circumcising your son?
Will you sign this release form?
Excuse me, this form says you agree with slavery.
What the fuck, dude?
- Did you say four acres?
Oh gosh, that's perfect!
And how close is this dog food factory to the ground?
Oh, you're renting out the dog food factory.
Hi, yes, my name is Todd Crawford.
I'm interested in the parking lot of the
haunted clown motel.
Is it just the motel that's haunted by the clown
or is the parking lot haunted as well?
They're both haunted?
How loud are the horses' screams
when you put them down?
Oh, that's too loud, thank you.
You're a pro-Holocaust museum?
Thanks, good bye.
Jesus.
What?
Hey, that doesn't sound too bad.
Stay right where you are, don't rent it out.
I'm coming to you.
Speed, 10 miles per hour, I should be there in
10 hours.
- Twonkmaster , I have been vaping all night long.
I'm ready.
I challenge you to a vape duel.
Twonkmaster?
Do you hear me, you stupid motherfucker!
Twonkmaster.
Twonkmaster?
(gong chimes)
- It's already begun.
- Oh shit.
- Go.
- Vape mouse.
- Vape snake.
- Fuck.
Only one thing can beat that.
The vape babe.
- No, Twonkmaster, you said it was nearly impossible.
(coughs)
Twonkmaster.
- My lungs.
They burst.
- Twonkmaster, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
This is how it's supposed to end.
I've taught you everything I know.
Inhale my vape smoke.
My powers will become yours.
Twonkmaster?
No!
- Mr Cootis, before I lease this land from you
you have to swear to me that there are no more
mountain lions on the property?
- I haven't seen a mountain lion in ages.
- When was the last time you saw a mountain lion here
on this property?
- Oh gosh, five, 10 years, easy.
But, I don't own any clocks.
So my five years or 10 years could be your one
minute or two minutes.
- [Todd] What the hell was that?
- You were talking.
- No, no, besides me talking.
There's another sound.
- Mister, you don't have to be upset or scared
because even if the mountain lions are here
and they're alive, they're not going to eat an adult.
They won't even eat a child.
What they do like is that sweet tender middle meat.
11 and 12 year old.
The years between.
But we'd love to have your festival here on our grounds.
- Okay good.
(phone rings)
Will you excuse me for a moment?
Hello?
- [Sophia Voiceover] Hi, Todd.
This is Sophia Sharp from Spurge Energy Drink.
We saw what happened to Congressman Halstrom at
Tween Fest.
I have to say, the public humiliation of a congressman
is very on brand for us.
We want to be in business with Tween Fest.
- What?
Is this a real person?
Is this an audio mirage?
- [Sophia Voiceover] Nope.
How would you like to have Spurge be the exclusive sponsor
of Tween Fest Weekend 2?
- I would like that, I would love it.
Yes yes yes yes yes yes!
I love it, thank you!
(smooches)
Oh, thank you.
Cootis, Cootis, here, I think we're good.
I don't need your land.
- Have we met?
- Yes we did, you were showing me around your land.
- Thank you for this gift.
- It's yours, you gave that to me.
Is there a path out of here?
I don't know which way to go.
- [Cootis] Yes, sir.
- Great, thank you.
Tween Fest is back on, punch it!
(light country music)
- Hey, I see one.
(techno music)