THESE DAYS THERE IS SO MUCH INFORMATION COMING AT US WITH
THE INTERNET AND THE TWITTERNET AND THE SKYNET.
RECEIVING ALL THIS DATA IS LIKE DRINKING FROM A FIRE HOSE.
AND MY GOAL FOR THIS SHOW IS TO CURATE THAT MASSIVE INFORMATION
COMING AT YOU EVERY DAY AND NARROW IT DOWN TO ONLY
EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE.
THIS IS FOCUS ON THE UNIVERSE.
Z (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE UNIVERSE.
HOME OF THE WHOPPER.
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN DEGRASS COLBERT.
YES.
DEGRASSE, TURNS OUT YOU CAN'T COPYRIGHT A MIDDLE NAME.
HERE ABOARD MY SHIP OF THE IMAGINATION, THE GREENSCREEN
5,000.
WE ARE FREE FROM THE CONSTRAINTS OF SPACE AND TIME.
USING THESE CONTROLS, A WARP FIELD NEURALIZER AND A HOT GLUED
SPEAK N SPELL.
WE CAN TRAVEL ANYWHERE OUR IMAGINATION LEADS US.
AS LONG AS MY GRAPHICS TEAM CAN CRANK IT OUT IN AN AFTERNOON.
TOGETHER MY VEST AND I WILL EXPLORE ALL THE WONDERS OF
SPACE.
THE RINGS OF SATURN.
THE CRAB NEB YOU LAW-- NEBULA.
THE OLD HVO LOGO.
I FEEL SO INSIGNIFICANT!
TONIGHT TONIGHT, TONIGHT, TONIGHT, WE VISIT OUR NEIGHBOR
MARS.
OKAY, SORRY, WHOOPS, I OVERSHOT IT A LITTLE BIT, LET ME JUST
BACK UP.
AND WE A ARRIVE AT THE RED PLANET, MARS.
NAME FOR THE ANCIENT ROMAN GOD OF WARS FAVORITE CANDY BAR.
MARS HAS LONG BEEN THOUGHT OF AS AN ARIST DUSTY HELLSCAPE WHERE
NO ONE WOULD WANT TO LIVE, WHICH WHY IT IS OFF CALLED THE TUCSON
OF SPACE BUT AN EXCITING DISCOVERY HAS BEEN MADE ON MARS,
BOX OFFICE MAGIC FOR MATT DAMON.
ALSO, NASA SCIENTISTS RECENTLY ANNOUNCED THEY HAVE FOUND
FLOWING WATER ON MARS THANKS TO THE SEASONAL CHANGES IN DARK
STREAKS SHOWN HERE WHICH ARE KNOWN AS RECURRING SLOPE LINEAE
BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS SO MUCH NICER THAN PLANETARY STRETCH
MARKS.
SO HOW CAN THERE BE WATER ON MARS?
EVIDENCE SUGGESTS THAT DURING THE NIGHT TIME THE SURFACE OF
THE PLANET BECOMES COVERED WITH SALTY PUDDLES.
BUT WHERE DO THESE AMAZING POOLS OF INCREDIBLE LIQUID
UNBELIEVABLY COME FROM?
OUR TOP PUDDLE THER RESTS BELIEVE THAT DESPITE
TEMPERATURES THAT REACH 60 BELOW ZERO, VAPOR FROM MARCH'S
ATMOSPHERE MIXES WITH SALT FROM MARTIAN SOIL TO FORM A LIQUID
BRINE WHICH MEANS IF MARS IS EVER COLONIZED BY HIPSTERS THE
PICKLES WILL BE AMAZING.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOW THESE SALTY PUDDLES FIRST
CAME TO MY ATTENTION IN A CNN.COM ARTICLE WITH THE
HEADLINE "MARS WEEPS AT NIGHT."
THIS DISCOVERY RAISES SO MANY QUESTIONS LIKE IS THERE LIFE ON
MARS.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR MAN'S PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE, AND IS
EVERYTHING OKAY WITH THE HEADLINE GUY AT CNN?
(LAUGHTER) SERIOUSLY.
BUDDY, YOU ARE WORRYING US.
MARS WEEPS AT NIGHT?
I ASSUME YOU WERE JUST BEING POETIC BUT THOSE OF US THAT
LOVED YOU ARE WORRIED WE'LL START SEEING HEAD LIKES LIKE JUP
TER AND IO LOCKED IN LOVELESS MARRIAGE.
SPACE SHUTTLE SEEMS COLD AND DISTANT AFTER RETURNING FROM
BUSINESS TRIP.
OR BLACK HOLE DRAGS FRIENDS AN FAMILY INTO BOTTOM LIKE SPIRAL
OF CODEPENDENCY.
WELL, THAT IS IT FOR FOCUS ON THE UNIVERSE.
REMEMBER, TAKE A MOMENT EVERY DAY TO GAZE UP AT THE STARS AND
CON TELL PLATE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HUMAN.
NOT ONLY IS IT AWE-INSPIRING BUT IT ADDS AN ELEMENT OF DANGER TO
YOUR DRIVE HOME FROM WORK.