♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ IT'S MONDAY, ARE YOU FEELING
ALL RIGHT?
HAVE AN ORANGE SLICE.
ENJOY THE SHOW.
>> James: GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THIS
HERE, THE LATEST OF LATE SHOWS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING?
D YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I'M JUST GOING TO CRY OUT SOME FLOWERY LANGUAGE TONIGHT.
>> CATCHPHRASES, THEY'RE HUGE IN COMEDY.
>> THE FIND US HERE, THE LATEST OF THE LATE SHOW.
YEAH, THAT IS WHAT WE ARE DOING.
ON TONIGHT'S SHOW WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH DON CHEADLE AND
RAFE SPALL, STICK AROUND FOR THAT.
BUT I FEEL LIKE WE NEED A WEEKEND UPDATE, NOT LIKE THAT
ONE.
THAT IS A DIFFERENT CAT PHRASE, NOT THAT, NO, WE TALKED A LOT
ABOUT WEEKEND PLANS.
AND I FEEL WE OWE IT TO OURSELVES, NAY THE VIEW TORE
FIND OUT.
WERE YOU HEADING OFF ON A 7 A.M.
BIKE RIDE, DAVE, COUNTRIES KAL, CARRIE AND ROB, HOW DID IT GO?
>> THE PICTURES LOOKED REALLY FUN.
>> YOU DIDN'T DO IT, DID YOU.
>> NO, GOD, NO, I WAS NEVER GONNA, PROBABLY.
BUT I DID, INSTEAD, GO ON A 13 MILE BIKE RIDE ALONE AND THEN I
MADE A LASAGNA.
>> James: WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GREAT, I THINK YOU
MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.
BUT YOU WENT, DAVE, DID YOU IT.
>> I DID IT.
>> James: I APPROXIMATE GOING TO GIVE YOU A ROUND OF APPLAUSE
FOR THAT.
SO YOU GOT THERE, YOU DID THE 7 A.M..
>> ACTUALLY IT WAS A 6:30 A.M.
START.
>> I MEAN THIS IS GETS MORE RIDICULOUS.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT, BECAUSE ROB AND KAREN SPECIFICALLY ARE
FULL ON, FULL SPANDEX, SERIOUS CYCLIST, IT WAS BASICALLY JUST
LIKE ME SEEING THEIR SPANDEX BUTTS AHEAD OF ME FOR 25 MILES,
HAVE I HAD WORSE.
>> SO AND HOW MANY MILES DID YOU DO?
>> 25 TOTAL.
>> James: 25 MILES, WELL DONE, THAT IS BRILLIANT.
AND THEN TERRENCE, YOU CARRIED ON, RIGHT?
HOW MANY MILES DID YOU DO?
>> 50.
>> WHATEVER.
>> James: WHAT IS AMAZING ABOUT THIS, DAVE SAID I DID 25
AND HE GOT A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
EVERYONE IS LIKE WELL DONE.
TER-- TERRENCE IS LIKE WE DID 50, HUH.
DOUBLE THE WORK, DOUBLE THE EFFORT, DOUBLE THE EXERCISE AND
NOT EVEN A THIRD OF THE CONGRATULATIONS.
SO WHY DID YOU DO 50?
>> I WENT WITH ROB, WE JUST KEPT RIDING, ENDED UP BEING 50.
>> YOU JUST KEPT RIDING.
>> HE STOPPED FOR A COFFEE AND THEN AFTERWARDS KEPT GOING.
>> WHAT WAS IN THE COFFEE?
YOU HAVE TO INJECT THAT COFFEE DIRECTLY INTO MY VEIN AND STILL
I WOULD LOOK LIKE SO WHAT TIME DID YOU FIN SNISH.
>> 12:15.
>> AND YOU LEFT AT 6:30.
>> YEAH.
>> WOW.
I DO A RICOTTA, A MOZZARELLA AND PARMESAN.
AND IT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT OF HEVY CREAM AND THEN ARE YOU OFF
TO THE RACE.
>> THAT'S IT, THEN ARE YOU THERE, ARE YOU GOLDEN.
>> YEAH, WOW, THAT LASAGNA SOUNDS GOOD.
YOUR MORNING SOUNDS LIKE A NIGHTMARE, IT REALLY DOES.
YOU DID GET A BUNCH OF PHOTOS.
>> THE MAN CAN'T STOP TAKING PHOTOS.
>> EVEN ON AN OFF DAY.
>> LOOK AT THAT.
THAT LOOKS LIKE THE WORST BOY BAND.
THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN.
WONG DIRECTION.
LOOK AT THAT.
THERE THEY ARE.
WELL, CONGRATS, GUYS, LOOK WHO IS IN THE STUDIO TODAY, GANG.
OLIVIA IS IN THE STUDIO, THERE SHE IS.
THERE SHE IS.
OLIVIA.
>> HI.
>> THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME SITTING IN, JUST SITTING IN.
>> YEAH, LAUREN GAVE ME HER CHAIR.
>> James: LAUREN GAVE THE CHAIR, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN
IT TO YOU LAST WEEK.
SHE WAS-- SHE WAS DEEP IN A CLEANSE.
SHE WAS DEEP IN A CLEANSE.
SHE WOULD I DON'T [BLEEP] I AM ON A CLEANSE.
OLIVIA IS HOW MANY WEEKS PREGNANT NOW, OLIVIA.
>> ALMOST 30.
> 30 WEEKS.
OH MY GOD.
>> THIRD TRY.
>> James: DO WE KNOW THE GENDER.
>> WE KNOW, IT'S A GIRL.
>> James: COME ON NOW.
COME ON.
J DO YOU HAVE ANY NAMES.
>> WE HAVE A LIST.
I JUST GOT TO GET A FEEL.
>> ALLEGRA.
>> James: ALLEGRA, ARE YOU GOING WITH A LEG-- ALLEGRA.
>> OH MY GOD, DON'T SHARE ANY NAMES, PLEASE.
>> James: WHY, GUILLERMO, WHY CAN WE NOT SHARE NAMES.
>> IT IS JUST, WAY TOO CONTROVERSIAL.
>> YEAH, WE WERE GOING TO NAME HER NALO MOON.
>> Reggie: NOW THAT.
>> I LOVE THAT.
>> James: I THINK YOU SHOULD.
AS A HIGHLY-- YOU HAVE MADE A JOKE AND IT IS UP TO YOU NOW TO
COMMIT.
YOU WALKED HOME AND YOU SAY TO STERLING, WE ARE, LOOK, I MADE A
JOKE ON THE SHOW, IT PLAYED WELL.
I HAVE TO COMMIT TO THIS JOKE NOW.
OUR DAUGHTER IS CALLED NALO MOON AND YOU WILL SHOW HER THIS CLIP
AND SHE WILL GO IS THAT WHAT YOU USED TO DO FOR A JOB?
I NAMED HER THE SAME NAME AS THE DRUMMER IN THE BAND AND THAT,
AND WE HAVE LOST TOUCH NOW.
YOU ARE 26 BUT IT FELT FUNNY AT THE TIME.
WELL, THRILLED THAT ARE YOU HERE, THRILLED THAT YOU AND
LITTLE NALO ARE HERE.
WE REALLY ARE, WE REALLY, REALLY ARE, HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND,
BERNSTEIN, WHAT WENT DOWN?
>> IT WAS GOOD.
I'M GETTING A LOT OF WEIRD CORRESPONDENT THESE DAYS ON
SOCIAL MEDIA AND OTHER PLACES.
I HAVE GOTTEN AN INTERVIEW FROM A GERMAN ENTERTAINMENT BLOG.
I AM IN LIKE 3,000 LINKED IN-- RIGHT NOW AND I'VE BEEN
ASKED IF I WANTED TO INVEST IN REAL ESTATE IN MIAMI.
AND IN LIKE VARIOUS INDEPENDENT FILMS.
>> WOW.
>> SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING BUT THANK YOU.
>> James: IS THIS YOUR WAY, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO PEOPLE IS
YOU WILL ONLY CORRESPOND WITH THEM ON YOUR ONLY FAN PAGE.
>> NICK HAS GOT AN ONLY FANS PAGE.
IT IS NOT TOO-- IT IS NOT ADULT MATERIAL, BUT IT GETS RISQUE
LIKE YOU KNOW, ANY, ANY PRODUCT THAT IS MENTIONED ON THE SHOW,
HE JUST COVERS-- THAT IS WHAT IT ST.
LOOK, NO, NOT IN A-- FOR COMEDY.
>> NOT IN A WEIRD WAY.
>> James: NOT LIKE THAT.
THAT IS WHAT HE DOES.
YEAH, I THINK, DID YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT THE ONLY
FANS PAGE.
>> I AM JUST, I DECIDED I'M SAYING YES TO EVERYTHING RIGHT
NOW.
>> James: LOOK AT THE WAY HE IS PLAYING WITH HIS HAIR, LOOK.
HE ALREADY, LOOK AT THE WAY HE JUST, JUST LIKE THAT, HE'S LIKE
OH GOD, I HATE ALL THIS.
I JUST, I JUST CAN'T BEAR ALL THIS ATTENTION ON MY LIFE.
I CAN'T BEAR IT.
I JUST-- I'M JUST A REGULAR GUY GOING TO WORK.
>> HOW DARE YOU.
>> James: WELL, IT IS THAT TIME T IS TECHNICALLY TUESDAY
MORNING, THAT IS THE TRUTH OF IT.
WE ARE ACTUALLY THE FIRST PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU THE NEWS ON TUESDAY
MORNING.
WE WILL GIVE YOU NEWS THAT IS 24 HOURS OLD FIRST THING IN THE
MORNING.
>> YOU HAVE LIKE FIVE HOURS SWRZ BUT WE'RE DOING STORIES THAT SHE
DID A DAY AGO.
AND THAT'S-- LET'S BE HONEST, EVEN THAT IS BEING GENEROUS.
UNLESS GALE KING IS DOING A STORY ABOUT A DONUT THAT LOOKS
LIKE A [BLEEP], I MEAN I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD TELL-- I FEEL
LIKE WE HAVE TO TELL THE AUDIENCE SOMETHING AND FOR THE
PEOPLE AT HOME AND THE PEOPLE ON YOUTUBE, I THE DK-- I MEAN THAT,
HOW LONG HAVE WE DONE THE SHOW NOW, SIX AND A HALF YEARS, IN
THE SIX AND A HALF YEARS WE HAVE DONE THE "LATE, LATE SHOW,"
THIS, WHAT WE ARE ON NOW IS THE LONGEST STRETCH OF WEEKS WE'VE
EVER DONE CONSECUTIVE SHOWS.
WE'VE-- THE LONGEST WE'VE EVER DONE TO THIS POINT IS SEVEN
WEEKS WITHOUT A LITTLE BREAK.
WE ARE NOW ON THE MONDAY OF WEEK EIGHT AND LET ME TELL YOU, LET
MAY TELL YOU, YOU CAN FEEL IT.
YOU CAN.
YOU CAN FEEL IT.
YOU CAN FEEL IT, ALL AROUND LIKE EVEN LAWRENCE SHAPIRO CAME IN
AND SAID I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS GOING ON OUT THERE
BUT EVERYONE IS LOSING IT [BLEEP]
(LAUGHTER) SHOULD WE JUST CALL IT A DAY
NOW?
SEE LIKE DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
SHOULD WE JUST-- IT IS DON CHEADLE HERE YET?
>> I BELIEVE HE'S HERE.
>> James: TURN THE CAR AROUND.
IT IS THAT TIME, IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS.
[BLEEP] WHAT IS GOING ON?
NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO ONE TONIGHT, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO
ONE, JUST SAY.
>> I GOT A GREAT ONE ACTUALLY.
>> James: WE'D LOVE TO HEAR IT.
>> OKAY.
>> James: YOU'VE GOT A GREAT ONE.
>> SURE DO.
>> James: OKAY, HERE WE GO.
WELL, IT'S THAT TIME-- IT'S THAT TIME GUYS, ITS IT'S TIME FOR THE
NEWS.
IT IS ACTUALLY NOT BAD BECAUSE WE DO HAVE SOME GREAT NEWS TO
SHARE.
THE NUMBER OF NEW COVID CASES IN THE UNITED STATES HAS DROPPED TO
ITS LOWEST LEVEL IN ALMOST A YEAR.
LOOK AT THAT.
YEAH.
THAT'S THE NEWS WE NEED ON A MONDAY.
IS IT A LOW POINT.
COVID IS AT A LOW, IT'S OUT, IT'S GETTING DRUNK AT LUNCH,
WEARING A BATH ROBE IN PUBLIC, THAT IS HOW LOW IT'S GOTTEN.
THAT LOW.
AND OTHER NEWS, AIRPORTS MAY SOON START SCREENING PEOPLE FOR
COVID USING DOGS.
ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY THAT CAME OUT TODAY DOGS CAN DETECT
MORE THAN 90% OF INFECTIONS WHICH WOULD ELIMINATE THE NEED
FOR PASSENGERS TO QUARANTINE, CATS MEAN WILE DON'T CARE IF YOU
LIVE OR DIE.
>> BUT THIS IS TRUE.
THEY USE A FASCINATING TECHNIQUE.
WHAT THEY DO IS YOU GET TO THE AIRPORT, GET THE DOG AND THEY
RAM THE DOG AS FAR UP YOUR NOSE AS THEY CAN.
SHOVE THE DOG UP YOUR NOSE, AND THEN PULL IT OUT AND THE DOG
GOES YEAH, COVID.
MEANWHILE THE WHITE HOUSE HAS A NEW INITIATIVE TO ENCOURAGE
PEOPLE TO GET VACCINATED.
IT'S PARTNERING WITH DATING APPS.
PROOF OF VACCINATIONS WILL NOW GET USERS ON APPS LIKE TINDER,
HINGE AND BUMBLE TO ACCESS PREMIUM CONTENT INCLUDING
BOOTHS, SUPER LIKES AND SUPERSWIPES AND AS I'M SAYING
THIS I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER TO BE MARRIED AND NOT HAVE TO
DEAL WITH ANY OF THIS.
IS THERE A WAY JOE BIDEN HAS ANY IDEA WHAT THIS PROGRAM IS OR
THAT IT'S EVEN HAPPENING?
LIKE JOE BIDEN RIGHT NOW IS PACING AROUND THE OVAL OFFICE
LIKE HOW DO WE GET FARMERS ONLY INVOLVED.
OR A DATING APP NAME, JUST STARTING TO SOUND MORE AND MORE
MADE UP.
YOU KNOW, LIKE EVENTUALLY MARRIED COUPLES ARE GOING TO BE
LIKE WHAT'S OUR STORY, WELL WE FIRST MATCHED ON SCHWINN AND I
SWIPED RIGHT ON HIS PROFILE ON GHOSTPENIS AND WE HAVE BEEN
TOGETHER EVER SINCE.
DO YOU SEE, YOU ARE OFF THE DATING APPS NOW.
BUT YOU WERE ON THEM FOR AWHILE, RIGHT?
>> YEAH, I WAS ON THERE.
BUT IT IS NOT A SUCCESSFUL VENTURE FOR ME.
WHATEVER IS THERE IS IN HERE THAT SOMEONE MIGHT LIKE, DOESN'T
COME THROUGH ON THOSE.
>> James: IT IS DIFFICULT TO CAPTURE THE ET CETERAENCE OF YOU
IN AN IMANCE DRK DRK IMAGE.
>> THERE IS NO WAY, IT HAS TO BE MOVING U UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL,
YELLING AT YOU OVER DINNER.
>> James: I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT, I'M VERY RELIEVED TO HAVE
NOT BEEN PART OF IT.
>> YOU HAD TO COME UP WITH LIKE A FIRST LINE EVERY TIME.
>> James: AND THEN YOU HAVE TO COME UP WITH A SONG.
>> OH YEAH.
>> James: ON THE VIDEO.
THAT'S FOR ME THE BIGGEST PRESSURE I THINK THERE IS OUT
THERE, TO COME UP WITH A SONG, WHAT WOULD YOUR SONG BE.
YOU KNOW WHERE THEY DO THE ONE THAT IS LIKE EIGHT IMAGES,
THAT'S RIGHT, LIKE EIGHT IMAGES, THE I WOULD GUY IS LIKE IS THAT
ON RIA OR TINNER.
>> >> James: YOU KNOW WHAT MY
SONG WOULD BE, EVERYBODY HURTS.
THAT IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE.
AND JUST A BLACK AND WHITE IMAGES OF ME LOOKING OUT OF
WINDOWS.
>> WITH AN ICE SCREAM, THE SCOOP-- ICE CREAM, THE SCOOP IS
ON THE GROUND.
>> DAYS LONG AND THE NIGHT AND I'M LIKE THE NIGHT IS YOURS
ALONE.
♪ AND DID EVERYBODY SEA THIS, WITH HIS WIN YESTERDAY, AT THE
PGA CHAMPIONSHIP PHIL MICKELSON AT THE AGE OF 50 BECAME THE
OLDEST WINNER OF A MAJOR GOLF TOURNAMENT EVER.
SHOWS HOW MUCH I KNOW.
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THE SECOND YOU PLAYED GOLF YOU
ARE AUTOMATICALLY 50 YEARS OLD.
PHIL MICKELSON WON A MAJOR AT 50, TOM BRADY WON A SUPER BOWL
AT 43.
JAMES CORDEN DID 30 MINUTES ON HIS PELOTON THIS MORNING, AGE
29, ATHLETES COME AT EVERY AGE GUYS, THEY DO.
THAT RAISES THE QUESTION, MOST PEOPLE TAKE UP GOLF WHEN THEY
HIT RETIREMENT AGE.
WHAT DOES A GOLFER DO, WHAT DOES A PROFESSIONAL GOLFER DO FOR
RETIREMENT.
THEY'RE LIKE I'M GOING TO KICK BACK, RELAX AND BECOME A
MECHANICAL ENGINEER.
>> AND FINALLY, DISNEY CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE IS GOING TO
START SELLING AN AVENGER THEMED SANDWICH.
A MASSIVE PANINI SANDWICH WITH SALAMI, ROSEMARYHAM AND
PROVOLONE AND COSTS 100.
HERE IS A LIES OF IT HERE, $100.
ALTHOUGH FOR DISNEYLAND PRICES GO, IT IS ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOD
DEAL.
IT IS A BIG SALAMI AND HAM PANINI THAT CAN FEED UP TO EIGHT
PEOPLE AND EVEN BEING RELEASED IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE NEW
UPCOMING MARVEL FILM AVENGERS, AGE OF ULCERS