Ohh Boo ohh. So. Elon Musk appearing
on stage with Dave Chappelle.
Hey, you may try and scrub it off
Twitter Elon, but the Internet
is forever welcome to open mic.
We like to start the show with a few stories
or a hot take on the story you're
not likely to see anywhere else.
I'm from gorgeous Prince Georges
and now I spilled the TNDC.
So you know these jokes
come from a place of love.
If in fact that was
something I was capable of.
Let's start off right here in DC,
Gonzaga College High School alum and
University of Southern California.
Quarterback Caleb Williams became the
DC area's first Heisman Trophy winner.
Congratulations.
This is yours, Sir. The DMV has
its first Heisman Trophy winner,
Caleb Williams claimed college football's
most prestigious award, while this
may be an individual.
Congratulations.
Congratulations to my man Caleb.
He made a lot of people feel very proud.
So proud, in fact,
we couldn't even finish the video.
But especially your former
classmates, second Zecca
and the winner for 2022, Taylor Williams.
Ohh boy, does that remind me
of high school or does it?
That is the only appropriate response.
I mean, we're all celebrating this win.
Every single one of those kids is
going to be lying to people. Like,
yeah, yeah, Caleb Williams. That's my dude.
We used to play Call of Duty after
football practice.
He's my emergency contact.
But once again, I do want to
congratulate my man Caleb Williams.
We used to play Call of Duty together
and he is still my emergency contact.
Let's stay in DC for the next
story where a number of Rd,
bus and Metro rail closures
for the US Africa Leaders
Summit has affected drivers,
public transit riders and pedestrians
near the Washington Convention Center.
Well,
just two minutes ago a number of
these Rd closures went into place.
And as you can see behind me,
the cement blockades are just
being removed off this truck.
Now, because this is going
to be the case all week.
We are just one day away from the US
African leaders Summit that's going to
take place from Tuesday to Thursday,
but from Monday to Friday this week,
this is going to be the case
with your morning commute.
Wow. So that's how those blockades leave.
Did you know that, Caleb? I
had no idea. I thought they just leave
them on the street until they just
disintegrate and become one with nature.
But thoughts and prayers?
Anybody dealing with this?
Because that part of town
already has way too much traffic.
I mean, here's a list of what roads
will be closed until the 17th.
You got Mount Vernon place from
7th St to 9th St Northwest.
You got 7th St from I St to O St northwest.
You got 8th St from N St to O St Northwest.
And you know what? You know what? You know I
can't read all these. I'm gonna
put on my Samuel Jackson voice.
Enough is enough. I've had it with all
these mother flipping closures on this
Monday to Friday map. You see them
all right here. Just stay away from
all this area in red right here.
The next summit better be in Africa.
I can tell you that right now.
Let Ghana be late to work instead of us.
If you have to be in this part of town.
This is a heads up. By the way,
if you don't have to be there,
you should probably go ahead and stay home.
And clearly.
You know what would happen if I ever
did Topper Chef job and did traffic?
You see this area. Just stay
away from this whole area where
my left is right and my right
is left. Shout out to him and and
and toppers should try traffic.
We're headed to Orange County,
Virginia for this next story.
We're an escape cow decided to
pay a visit to a doctor's office.
These photos are courtesy of Timmy
Lamb from 3L Roughstock and Sam
Crawford with Diamond Sea cattle,
both professional cow catchers.
Because that's apparently a thing.
That's who you see right here.
Now I will tell you this, that calf.
Was on the move.
Sorry, I couldn't help it,
but the caption does say
you ain't no cowboy if you
don't rope a calf out of a doctor's office.
Now, I don't know how true that is,
but if you ever do rub a calf
out of a doctor's office,
you do automatically become a cowboy.
I mean, Spurs will grow out of
the shoes that you're wearing.
It's kind of like eating the
Super mushroom in Mario brothers.
I also love the picture of the
dog looking absolutely confused.
I can't tell if that dog is confused.
That dog is is ready to believe himself.
But all of either response makes
all the sense in the world.
I'm sure that people in the
office felt the exact same way.
The only way this could be funnier is if
somebody left the cow as a form of payment.
Like, hey, yeah, say, Doc, you know?
Yeah.
So how do you like fresh milk every day?
You know? I got you.
Please don't send that bill
to collection agency.
I pay however I can.
But it does look like
all's well that ends well,
since the cow is no longer taking
up space in the waiting room.
And we can all be grateful for that.
Hopefully nobody's appointment.
Postpone due to this bovine field trip.
Now,
I chose this last story because
it's good news.
Britney Griner is back in the
United States after 10 months of
captivity in a Russian prison,
and
she showed she's feeling good physically
by dunking a basketball at Brooke Army
Medical Center in San Antonio, TX.
Now, I do bet she pictured
Vladimir Putin underneath her
when she dunked that basketball.
That's how I used to always picture my
enemies when I would dunk a basketball.
Kind of like a disrespectful Vince
Carter dunk. Just look at that.
Got a little Vladimir Pootie
Tang's head turned all around.
That should be a real form of therapy,
dunking on your enemies repeatedly.
Speaking of Duncan,
on your enemies repeatedly.
The Russians better hope she
doesn't play in the next Olympics.
Brittany's gonna go off and score
100 on him in the first half.
No mercy, comrades.
We're going to see who the
real merchant of death is.
But I do want to say I'm glad to see
Britney Griner is doing well physically,
even if it did lead to another poorly
done Photoshop from our writer Leon.
You know what I said?
This is a good Photoshop.
That that's that's a solid Photoshop.
We should actually use this
as a Photoshop more often.
I could probably could have used
that back in. The backsliding days.
But but welcome back,
Brittany and and and for you
Russian basketball. Count your days.
You got a reckoning coming.
My favorite story you know
I'm happy for Britney Griner.
But it's all about the cow and the
doctor's office because y'all know
I love animals doing people things.