what's up you guys this is your boy
Steven Spielberg the host of the show
send mistakes we take some of
Hollywood's hottest films and we
absolutely burn them to the ground okay
and I hate to do it to him but uh today
we're at the Toretto house and that's
because we're putting fast decks on the
skewers today
I'm not allowed to drink this I'm scared
these are the top five mistakes in fast
X the first reason why fast decks makes
absolutely no sense is uh yeah the hit
point ratio was way off if those of you
don't that you don't know there's a
point system in the Fast and Furious
movies where everything that they do
counts for different points it hit butts
punches kicks rolling falling like
lifting up big cars and body slams and
stuff like that every character has hit
points and so they all even out and then
Vin Diesel always comes out slightly on
top he is the goat and uh the hit point
ratio is way off in this I found myself
the whole time wondering like is he
gonna come is he gonna get his hits back
is he got hit a couple times can he hit
back and I think that because he's the
star he should have come out more on top
than he did you know that people on
DraftKings bet tons of money on the hit
points in these movies why would you
mess up the hit point ratio you're like
do you not want people to make money
well like if someone has taken all the
money they've saved up from all their
birthday he's like every year and they
betted on this movie and you absolutely
screwed it up for them doesn't that piss
you off that the hit point ratio was so
off that that person would have lost
like all their money all their birthday
money for all their times that they've
been alive plaudible identified if
you're betting on the hit point ratio on
this you're gonna lose the second reason
why this movie makes absolutely no sense
is that ludicrous is not a nerd
ludicrous is badass okay what happened
to him you remember ludicrous in 2 Fast
2 Furious he was living the life he had
women around him beached for a property
he was making Crazy Jet Skis running all
kinds of races making crazy money all
that stuff he wouldn't neighbors even
touched a computer all the time now he's
been relegated to being this computer
nerd in every single movie he doesn't
even drive in Fast X ludicrous is never
behind the wheel of a car in fastx at
least from what I can remember he's just
on the computer all the time like oh we
gotta connect the hard drive to the to
the fast drive and we gotta connect the
SD card to the keyboard and whatever
blah blah blah oh no we've been hacked
and why does he care about this he's way
too cool he did chicken and beer album
he body slammed someone one time and
that's it which is probably like two
points the cool thing he does in this is
he fights Tyrese Gibson and they're
saved by Pete Davidson plotto identified
we need Ludacris back in FUBU switch
sweat sweat suits driving cars again the
third reason why this movie is terrible
and terrifying is that the giant rolling
ball is way too messed up Hollywood can
do a lot of scary things and look I like
scary movies I like Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles and stuff like that like I like
scary movies but the giant rolling ball
is way too much I'm a manager at Liz one
time I took all my employees on an
employee outing to bowlero and I was
sort of telling everyone like I'm a
bowling Prodigy and everything I bowl is
a strike I rip a ball down the down the
lane it hits one pin on the side and so
I'm like well that's not right so I go
down there to investigate the ball you
know and then the claw machine comes
down and it grabs my arm right it's like
and my whole team at Lids is pretty much
acting like they can't hear me or see me
and they just start rolling balls down
there so fast it's almost like they're
not even trying to get strikes or
anything they're just slamming these
balls down the down the lane and I'm
just getting annihilated by them just
then all of a sudden the Galaxy bowling
starts and it's like
an hour goes by and no one has called
the fire department yet to come help me
they haven't shut anything down other
people come around and they start
joining in they're like throwing bowling
balls at me and that was last year and I
all I do is dream about giant scary
rolling balls Pluto identified giant
rolling balls are traumatizing the
fourth reason why fast decks it makes no
sense is that John Cena's bald oh John
Cena has hair oh he's got a beautiful
head of hair he's Peacemaker all this
stuff not for long he's a ball King in
the waiting in the making and that
should have been accepted in this film I
went to WrestleMania and I saw on the
screen when I was in my nosebleeds I saw
that freaking bald spot in the back of
his head and I cried tears of happiness
when I saw that [ __ ] he's gonna be a
ball King pretty damn soon just give it
a year or so the Fast and Furious
franchise took that away from him they
killed his ass before he could achieve
true bald Glory The Fast and Furious
franchise probably the number one thing
it's known for is ball King
representation Ben diesel Tyrese Gibson
The Rock Jason Statham and these are
some of the biggest bald stars ever
Graces the screen and they are all in
the same movies together big deal for us
bald guys and John Cena should have been
there there should have been a moment
where John Cena sees the bald spot in
the back of his head and he decides F
that I'm gonna shave today I'm not going
back he starts shaving his head and then
the rock is there Statham is there Vin
Diesel's there tires Gibson's there
they're all there and they're cheering
them on they're like you don't have to
go through this alone man and he shaves
his head and John Cena shaves it and
they walk out and they're all bald it's
like the bald King's Avengers moment and
they killed him before he could get that
moment and that's messed up Plato
identified John Cena was killed before
he could get bald King Glory the fifth
biggest mistake in fast X is that Don
toretto's son is a savant Don Trader's
son is probably one of the most talented
people I've ever seen in my life he's
like 12 years old he can fix cars do
crazy Donuts fix Cannon cars he can
probably build the Transformer if you
really wanted to he's not phased by
terrorism he's not faced by being
dropped out of a plane or being
kidnapped or almost killed he's not
faced by any of that he never cries once
in the whole movie I cried all the time
growing up this kid never cries at all
this kid is truly a Wonder of humanity
and it's all because clearly of what Dom
is doing Don's fatherhood is making him
who he is this tough kid honestly you
know maybe fathers everywhere will watch
this movie and realize how big of a deal
they are to their kids this movie is
amazing I think because you should be
able to watch it and see that this is
what a Father's Love can do your
father's not supposed to leave you and
your brother who did DMT to go have a
new family in Tampa with super tall like
athletic and muscular sons that are
super successful all the time he's
supposed to train you and your brother
to be successful and be a good father
and love you so yeah we're taking fast
decks off the skewer stick
and we're giving it five stars for
fatherhood this has been cinnamon sticks
the show where we roast Hollywood's
hottest films we put them on this yours
but today we're actually not putting it
on the skewer stick because fast X is an
amazing movie about fatherhood I'm gonna
go try and call my father who lives in
Tampa with his two tall Sons even though
he's definitely not going to answer me
[Music]