(The sound of a pen scratching.) LOGO.
Hellooo, everybody! The release of The Savior’s Sister is right around the corner,
and as you guys already know, I am whipping out a buttload of videos that somehow, someway
are related to TSS. TSS is a dark fantasy romance. You guys already know that I love romance!
Typically romance that is combined with fantasy, so this seemed like a relevant topic to talk about
today. The thing is, I've already given you guys a million tips for writing romance. How to write
healthy romances. Writing love interests. Writing romantic chemistry. Even how to write sex scenes!
So today, we're flipping the script! I am listing the 10 WORST tips for writing romance. These
are the tips I see floating around the writing community all the time, and they blow SO much ass.
Do not do these things unless you want your romance to be a supreme disappointment or cliched
mess. Before we get started, you guys already know that The Savior's Sister is available for
presale in e-book, paperback, and hardback. And I am also holding a massive presale giveaway!
Everyone who enters will be eligible to win a bunch of prizes! One of these prizes is a signed
copy of Write Through Depression by Natalie Roberts! I have read this book, I am a big fan of
Natalie, and I think this book is super helpful for people who are struggling with depression!
I'm going to hand out this prize at the end of today's video, so stick around for that!
But first, let's break down my 10 worst tips for writing romance! And if you want to hear
even more writing advice or more writing rants, be sure to subscribe to my channel
and ring that bell down below! Number One (1): Just add faeries. Because is it even a romance if there's no
mythical sexual predator? We all know literary trends come in cycles. A while back, vampires
were the romance go to. Then, it was dystopian romance. Then shifter romance. Now we've landed on
fae. Particularly faerie men, because there's nothing more masculine than a man with fairy dust at his
disposal. You can't write a romance without faeries. You can try, but your hands will turn
into mangled claws. If you're somehow able to get the words down, your software will then change
all of the human nouns to fae wordage. Your love interest is no longer an engineer from Brooklyn -
he's now the high lord of the summer court, or the low lord of the flower place, or the
pervert of the unfulfilled Karen sexual fantasies. Basically, add faeries or don't write romance. There
is no other option. Number Two: Tragedy is SO hot. When a character's friend dies, or they witness a
murder, or their entire planet is destroyed, this is the perfect time for them to fuck. You may have
noticed characters tend to bump uglies right after experiencing something horrific, and you may not
have understood why this was happening. Shouldn't they be paralyzed in shock or mourning their loss?
Um, no, dummy. People get supremely horny when grieving. It's science! If you think about it, it
makes total sense. They need a distraction, after all. Plus, imagine being red-eyed, puffy-faced, and
snot-nosed after sobbing over the loss of your mother. How could you not take advantage of your
supremely sexy state? You know their love interest is back there licking their lips thinking, “Aww,
yeah, choke on that mucus!” There is nothing hotter than bawling your eyes out in the fetal position.
It totally gets the juices flowing! Number Three (3): Kidnap a bitch. Stockholm Syndrome is the ultimate
meet cute. The best, most respected and acclaimed romances begin with capture. Usually, a man captures
a woman for reasons that are unknown to the reader, because does it even matter? Who needs a motive for
kidnapping, anyway? Through abuse and intimidation, he's able to force her to fall in love with him,
and there is no love more pure of heart than this. He shackled her in a dungeon and
browbeat his way into her heart. When will my prince come? Everyone wants to feel real love!
They want to feel degraded and humiliated. Give them this gift through the art of the written word,
and forever be heralded as a romance legend. Number Four (4): It's not romantic unless it's dysfunctional.
I've heard a few aspiring romance authors claim that the only good romance is an unhealthy
romance, and they're absolutely right. Readers don't read romance to swoon or squeal in delight.
They read it to feel damaged and violated! No one wants to see a couple who saves one another from
darkness or defeats the odds hand in hand! They want to see them beat the shit out of each other,
or at the very least, cheat on each other. That's what makes romance so exciting and sexy! All the
gaslighting and trauma! Pro Tip: Faeries especially shine in this category. They are notorious for the
most adorable kinds of assault. Write yourself a faerie dude who treats his partner like property,
and you've got yourself some true love. Number Five (5): Throw in a baby! If the love story is getting stale,
throw in a baby! Boom! Instant drama, tension, and sex appeal. Because of course, nothing is sexier
than shitty diapers. Babies are perfect for romance novels because they give your characters a chance
to be completely miserable! Babies will make your characters fight. They'll make your characters
battle for custody. They'll make your characters grow. And really, there is no purpose to babies
besides personal growth for supremely stunted adults. Besides, there is nothing more wholesome
than reading about a child being welcomed into a family that's imploding before our very eyes.
You know that kid's gonna go places! Like therapy... or prison. Number Six (6): Virgins are inherently good...
and stupid. You cannot write them in literally any other way, ‘cause it's the law! This shouldn't
be a shock. We all know genital insertion is the ultimate guide to self-worth and goodness,
especially if the person in question is female. Has she murdered anyone? Pfft. Clearly, she's a slut. It's
also widely known that people do not develop any common sense until someone diddles their privates.
So when you write virgins, remember: they're pure of heart and semen, and they've got shit for brains.
Any other characterization goes against nature. Number Seven (7): Intimidation. The one quality all
male leads are required to have is intimidation. They need to frighten their love interest, or it
doesn't count as a romance...or a relationship at all. Think of it this way: intimidation is necessary,
because otherwise, how will their partner ever be intimate with them? Through personal choice?
Consent? Pfft... Please, we don't know her! This guy needs to be taller than his partner, and at least three
times bigger than his partner. He has to overwhelm them not only in body mass, but through the sheer
force of his unrelenting will. He's a man who takes what he wants. Some people call him a predator. I, on
the other hand, call the police. Number Eight (8): Love interests are love interests, and NOTHING. ELSE. Does
your love interest have a job? A personality? Any hopes or dreams? Then you FAILED. They are not in
this story to be a person. They exist to get your main character off. Don't even really think of them
as a person... Think of them as a hand covered in lotion - their personality is the box of tissues! If
this doesn't work, you could try envisioning them as an opened mouth, or an ass crack, or rippling abs.
Anything that conveys they're not a layered human being. They're just here for the spank bank. The
worst possible thing you could do is create a love interest that your readers actually relate
to, like, and respect. If they wanted to read about actual characters, they'd pick up a book.
Wait a second... Number Nine (9): Romance equals sex. A romance without sex is like ice cream
without sprinkles. Perfectly fine, and even preferred by some people...SAID NO ONE EVER.
As a romance writer, you are contractually obligated to write copious amounts of sex,
or no one's gonna know it's a romance. So the characters are in love with one another?
Big deal! Maybe they're just uncomfortably close siblings. So the characters support one
another and experience physical intimacy without getting sexual? Who cares! What does tenderness and
affection have to do with romance, anyway? It's not like there are living, breathing people in this
world who aren't ready for sex, like to take things slow, or don't experience sexual attraction at all.
That sounds fake. And Number Ten (10): To hell with the happily ever after. Certain genres have
requirements. For example, historical fiction has to take place in the past. Romance novels
are required to have a happily ever after. Which basically means that by the end of the book, your
characters need to be happy in love. But do they really? I mean, does a genre requirement mean it's
ACTUALLY required? People with basic understanding of written language say yes, but I'm gonna go out
on a limb and say they're dummies. So what if my romance novel isn't ACTUALLY a romance novel?
So what if readers go into the story expecting the advertised genre and end up supremely disappointed?
You're an artist. It's your right to look at the world of literature and take a massive shit on
it - for the sake of creative freedom, of course. Some may say you could just instead write a love story,
or a tragedy, or literally any other genre. But I say genre requirements were made to be ignored,
and readers exist to be disrespected. To hell with the happily ever after! Make your romance miserable,
‘cause you're special. So that's all I got for you today! If it wasn't clear, this list is SARCASTIC.
Please DON’T implement ANY of these tips, I beg you! Your shitty romance hurts me!
Now it's time to hand out a prize! One lucky winner who pre-ordered The Savior's Sister is
walking away with a signed copy of Write Through Depression by Natalie Roberts, and that winner is...
this person! Thank you so much for pre-ordering TSS, and a huge thank you to Natalie Roberts
for supporting my platform! If you want to see more information about her, I have it listed below.
If you want to read a dark fantasy romance that has NONE of these horrible tips that I just listed,
be sure to pre-order The Savior's Sister right now! You can pre-order it in e-book, paperback, or
hardback! I have all of the information listed below, and be sure to enter my presale giveaway!
That way you could be eligible to win tons of prizes! Don't forget to subscribe to my
channel! I post new videos on Wednesdays, with bonus content on Mondays! And if you want to be alerted
as SOON as I upload, ring that bell! And be sure to follow me on social media! I'm on Instagram,
Tumblr, Facebook - and of course, you can Tweet me @JennaMoreci! Bye! (Male Voice) You've read Tobias’s story.
Now, it's time for Leila’s! The Savior’s Sister, coming soon...