Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘Where is everybody?’
We’re looking at cult oddity, Miss Leslie’s Dolls.
‘Oh my God help me!’
Teacher Miss Frost, and her students Lily, Martha and Roy are driving back from a football match.
This is what happens when you blindly follow your Sat-Nav.
They run out of petrol and try to find a place to spend the night which is usually when the creepy castle would loom into view.
‘Look… a farmhouse’
That’ll do. They let themselves in and meet the house’s owner.
‘Miss…? Miss…?’
‘Leslie. Leslie Lamont’
I guess it would be rude to point out that’s clearly man being voiced over by a woman,
and nobody does point it out.
Possibly because there is more going on.
‘I’m Martha’
‘Martha? No, it’s impossible’
It’s just a name.
'Save Martha.'
'Matha, why did you say that name, what did you say that name.'
What is it about the name Martha?
‘She’s back. It’s her. Alive again. Reincarnated’
Miss Frost sums up the situation with the emotional sensitivity of a brick.
‘You’re deeply moved by Martha’s resemblance to another girl. A dead girl’
Then displays similar sensitivity to her host’s deeply held beliefs.
‘Do you really believe that after death comes to us we are reincarnated?’
Seems a little rude given she’s letting you spend the night.
‘Sweet silly Miss Leslie’s a loveable fool’
Now, if you watch enough horror films you start to spot the subtle red flags.
‘I’m not entirely alone Miss Frost, I have the satisfaction of my precious dolls.’
People talking about their dolls for instance.
I’m sure there’s a logical explanation.
‘She’s some kind of girl worshipper or something’
There; told you. Girl worshipper. I bet that’s it.
‘I’ve never seen anything like this before’
Really, have you not?
Fortunately Miss Leslie has an explanation.
‘Everything in here is representative of my beliefs’
Fair enough, I mean out of context a Crucifix is pretty weird, so what’s the deal?
‘The altar represents the ever-expanding universe’
Yeah, cos in the room full of creepy girl statues I was really wondering about the significance of the altar.
‘And the perennial flame means eternal life’
Oh well that’s all cleared up.
‘What about the dolls?’
Oh yeah I forgot about them.
‘Symbols my child. Symbols’
Not the most satisfying explanation.
‘My dolls are not made of wax’
I feel like this is when I would leave.
‘There’s something about Miss Leslie that gives me the creeps’
No, really? Is it the dolls, the freaky religion, the fact that she thinks you’re the reincarnation of her dead friend,
or potentially, the dead body under a sheet you all just walk around and no one mentions.
While this is going on more personal plotlines are brewing.
‘Don’t I get a kiss too’
'As long as Miss Frost isn't around.'
Roy makes out with Martha.
And Lily.
Then takes a swing at his teacher.
But Miss Frost is the prudish type.
‘She’s a dry prune’
Still two out of three ain’t bad,
‘Gee I like Roy’
‘So do I’
and so to bed.
‘It will be a quiet peaceful night’
Bet?
Roy heads for Martha’s room.
‘You know, Lily could have been in on this’
I’m just saying.
Lily is stuck with dry prune Miss Frost.
‘Miss Frost, you’ve changed’#
'Have I?'
'You suddenly look prettier.'
When the sun goes down Miss Frost melts.
‘You know, we ought to get acquainted. Really acquainted’
Meanwhile, Miss Leslie is up to something.
‘The open grave. The car. I must be careful. I have always been careful’
Except for my habit of plotting out loud.
Back upstairs, Miss Frost is done for the night.
‘No more Lily, no more’
so Lily pops next door.
‘Welcome aboard doll, we missed you’
Even Miss Leslie’s picked up a girl,
another for the doll’s house.
She then goes to visit her mother.
‘Mother I’m here’
‘And tonight you were at it again’
Just like everyone else in this house.
This is a weird film, the acting is not great.
‘Oh no!’
It occasionally seems like a stageplay where everyone has forgotten their lines
‘Storms fascinate me.’
and the plot is delivered in massive chunks of unmanageable monologue,
‘Preventing me from taking spiritual possetion of her precious body, when she too is in a deathlike trance that I bought upon her with this.’
As we learn Miss Leslie’s plan for Martha.
‘I’ll die, but only to be reborn instantly’
There’s also a dream sequence I swear is only there because if you’ve hired all these girls it’s insane not to have them move.
For all that, it’s hard to call it bad, even if it is, because it’s too weird to be boring.
Anyway Roy says his good nights.
‘Hey, be nice girls’
I wonder if Miss Frost’s still up.
Well, doesn’t need me.
He heads down to the kitchen, but…
Miss Leslie doesn’t seem to know how an axe works.
My mistake.
Lilly is killed and Miss Leslie captures Martha.
‘And I’ll take possession of your body’
I guess it doesn’t work because next time we see her.
‘She’s dead.’
No idea why. So…
‘There’s only you now Miss Frost’
Older than I planned but I guess you’ll do.
‘You’re mad!’
Probably went without saying.
And now, the shocking reveal.
‘A man! You’re a man!’
Okay, I don’t want to be offensive but this isn’t exactly The Crying Game, this is Mrs Doubtfire snaps.
No one in the audience is going, well I didn’t see that coming.
After a lengthy chase,
and…
So Miss Leslie goes into Miss Frost’s body, dispossessing Miss Frost who…
Oh you’re kidding. Sod it, I’d sooner just die.
But the story isn’t over.
Roy isn’t dead and…
‘Miss Frost’
I guess I got one more in me.
‘Your voice; you sound like Miss Leslie’
'Do I?'
Never mind I can push through, just try not to say anything.
This is pitched somewhere between Herschell Gordon Lewis without the blood and Carry On Cronenberg,
Frying tonight!
It’s… I don’t know but I’m actually glad I’ve seen it.
'Well, enough of this.'
Hey there Hard Corners, new and exclusive range of B-Movie t-shirts, available from TeePublic there is a link below.'
Thanks for watching. To see an uncensored version of this review, please join us on Patreon – you get other stuff too.
Cinema’s filled with travelers choosing ill-advised places to overnight, what film home would actually want to spend a dark cold night in?
Let us know in the comments below.
'What do you make of that crazy stuff?'
'Pure nonsense.'