Welcome to Dyson! First, we created
a vacuum cleaner using amazing Dual Cyclone technology. You could actually see the dust
swirling around inside. Everybody wanted one! Then, we made another, and another, and another,
with each iteration getting cooler, more futuristic, and with more ability to suck!
We then branched out and made something revolutionary – a washing machine! It
wasn’t just a normal washing machine, but one with two counter-rotating drums,
the first of its kind! Each drum had 5,000 perforations to help evacuate your dirty water.
You soon realised that your house could never be too clean, so we delivered dozens of more vacuum
cleaners! As you sucked up dust, we sucked up your money. It was a match made in heaven!
And then, just as you thought that we couldn’t suck anymore, we then
started to blow! We blew your hands dry with the Dyson Airblade! All you had to do was stick your
hands in and out repeatedly like you were giving somebody a massage, or using a jackhammer with
your palms open. Before your knew it, your hands were completely and miraculously dry!
And then, due to popular demand, we made a bunch more vacuum cleaners. We even
made one for the kids. But just when you thought that we were running out of ideas,
we made a fan with no rotating blades! Gone were the days of little children getting their hands
cut off! That’s what it’s all about at Dyson. Child safety… and money. And we raked it in!
And then we made more vacuum cleaners, each more suckier than the next!
The dust in your home had no chance! And just when you thought we were out
of sucky ideas, we went back to blowing and made the Airblade V hand dryer! With hurricane
force winds, we guaranteed that your hands would dry faster than ever!
And then we went back to sucking and made a robot vacuum cleaner,
the 360 Eye. It did all the sucking while you did, well, jack-all!
We then made a few more vacuum cleaners, just in case you hadn’t bought one yet.
And then of course, we went back to blowing and made a hair dryer. It could dry your hair faster
than sticking your head in an Airblade! Then we made some more vacuum cleaners.
Then we blew some more with a different shaped hand dryer.
And then we made our thinnest vacuum ever! And to make it more cool and more expensive,
we added a laser to it to so that you could detect hidden dust particles. You can never be too clean!
And finally, what you’ve all been waiting for. The best product that has even been
brought to market! The Dyson Zone! A pair of noise-cancelling Bluetooth headphones
with built-in air purification technology! While you listen to your favourite music,
you can also breathe in pure, fresh, filtered air delivered directly to your nose and mouth.
Not only can you reduce noise pollution, you can also reduce air pollution! Sure, you’ll look like
an extra out of Mad Max, but isn’t that cool? Don’t worry, the mask flips downs and puts you
into conversation mode, allowing you to speak and hear others. So what are you waiting for?
Get out there and buy one today! Welcome to Dyson! The future is now!