♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST
TONIGHT IS VERY FUNNY STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND THE NEWEST
LATE-NIGHT HOST OF "AFTER MIDNIGHT."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," TAYLOR
TOMLINSON. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THERE YOU GO. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> Taylor: NICE TO SEE YOU. THANKS FOR HAVING ME BACK.
>> Stephen: MY PLEASURE. I HAD A REALLY GREAT TIME WITH
YOU THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON IN NOVEMBER BECAUSE WE WERE
ANNOUNCING YOU ARE TAKING OVER FOR "AFTER MIDNIGHT," AFTER THE
SHOW FOR "AFTER MIDNIGHT" AND IT MADE A LITTLE SPLASH.
THERE IS "THE NEW YORK TIMES." TAYLOR TOMLINSON TO HOST NEW CBS
LATE-NIGHT SHOW. TAYLOR TOMLINSON TO HOST CBS
"AFTER MIDNIGHT." TAYLOR TOMLINSON HOSTS
"AFTER MIDNIGHT" AFTER MIDNIGHT. WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR YOU?
DID YOUR PHONE BLOW UP? >> Taylor: OH, MY GOSH.
EVERY PERSON I'VE EVER MET I THINK TEXTED ME EXCEPT FOR LIKE
THREE WHICH IS THE THREE YOU REMEMBER.
ONE YOU'D GOT YOUR SHOW WASN'T LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: I WILL NEVER >> Taylor: DEAD TO ME.
IF MY SIXTH-GRADE TEACHER CAN TEXT ME, MY EX'S MOM.
WHEN YOU GET TO HAVE GUESTS ON, YOU'LL HAVE COMEDIANS AND STARS
ON THE SHOW. ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE
PROSPECT OF THE FAMOUS PEOPLE? >> Taylor: I'M NERVOUS BECAUSE
I WANT TO KEEP MY COOL. MY SISTER AND I SAW "MERRILY WE
ROLL ALONG" ON BROADWAY. AND BECAUSE I HAVE A SHOW, MY
AGENTS WERE LIKE, DO YOU WANT US TO TRY TO GET A CHANCE TO MEET
DANIEL RADCLIFFE BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU LOVED HARRY POTTER GROWING
UP. AS WELL AS HIS OTHER WORKS.
I WAS LIKE, NO. BECAUSE I'LL CRY.
BUT I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT, TAYLOR, YOU'VE GOT TO GET BETTER
AT THIS. YOU'RE GOING TO BE ON A
LATE-NIGHT SHOW. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE BIG GUESTS
COMING THROUGH. BE COOL.
WE KEPT IT SHORT AND SWEET. I THINK I WAS RESPECTFUL, DIDN'T
SAY ANYTHING CRAZY. I DIDN'T TRY TO TOUCH HIS FACE.
IT WASN'T LIKE "YOU GOT ME THROUGH FIFTH GRADE."
ON ICE, EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE.
NOT EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED MEETING HIM.
I THOUGHT I WOULD BE TEN AND WE WOULD BE A DISNEYLAND I'M
GETTING MARRIED IT WAS A VERY CLOSE SECOND, THE WHOLE
EXPERIENCE. >> Stephen: ONE THING YOU
SHOULD VERY SELF ABOUT MEETING FAMOUS PEOPLE.
A LOT OF THEM ARE PROFESSIONALLY ATTRACTIVE THEN YOU MEET THEM
AND YOU GO "EH." SOMETIMES THE PEOPLE WHO ARE
PROFESSIONALLY ATTRACTIVE, THE FANTASTIC CHEEKBONES AND BIG
EYES, YOU MEET THEM AND YOU GO "YOU LOOK LIKE A BUG."
WE DO THAT'S WHY I LIKE COMEDY. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE TOLD
ME T I LOOK FANTASTIC. THEY DON'T EXPECT IT FROM A
COMEDIAN. >> Stephen: YOU LOOK GENUINELY
LOVELY THIS EVENING. >> Taylor: THANK YOU.
I WAS FISHING FOR THAT. >> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE FOR
TAKING THAT LONG TO SAY THAT. THAT'S ON ME.
YOU JUST FINISHED "HAVE IT ALL." HAVE IT ALL, YOUR LONGEST TOUR
OF ALL TIME. HOW LONG WAS THAT?
>> Taylor: WE DID OVER 130 SHOWS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A LONG TOUR AND ITS ME TO BE A NETFLIX
SPECIAL. THE DAY BEFORE VALENTINES.
TAYLOR TOMLINSON. IS IT SAFE TO SAY, THIRD NETFLIX
SPECIAL? YOU'VE GOT YOUR OWN TV SHOW.
DO YOU HAVE IT ALL? >> Taylor: IT DEPENDS WHO YOU
ASK. >> Stephen: I'M ASKING YOU.
>> Taylor: RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE I DEFINITELY DO BUT WHEN
YOU'RE 12 YEARS OLD, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS OF HOW
YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO GO SO I WOULD SAY YEAH I THOUGHT BY 30
HAD BEEN MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS AND INSTEAD ALL I HAVE ARE THREE
NETFLIX SPECIAL SUNDAY LATE-NIGHT SHOW.
>> Stephen: YOU'LL GET THERE. >> Taylor: IT'S BEEN HARD.
[APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: SOME PEOPLE MAY
KNOW THIS BUT SOME PEOPLE MAY NOT.
YOU STARTED OFF IN THE CHRISTIAN COMEDY CIRCUIT.
THERE'S A CIRCUIT. YOU STARTED AT 16 DOING THIS.
WHAT JOKES WERE YOU DOING THEN THAT ARE OUT OF YOUR REPERTOIRE?
>> Taylor: WE CALLED IT TESTIMONY BUT I WAS GETTING
LAUGHS. [LAUGHTER]
YOU GUYS ARE GOOD. I LIKE YOU.
YOU KNOW IT'S FUNNY THEY WERE ASKING ME THIS BACKSTAGE AND I
GOT FIRED FROM MY LAST CHURCH GIG BECAUSE I TWEETED A JOKE
WITH INNUENDO IN IT. I KNOW.
A BIG REACTION FOR INNUENDO. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE JOKE?
LIKE FIRED, YOU CANNOT BE ON THE CIRCUIT ANYMORE?
>> Taylor: I WAS OPENING FOR ONE HUGE CHURCH COMEDIAN AT THE
TIME AND THEY HAVE CALLED ME. I KNOW IT SOUNDS SILLY BUT IT'S
REAL! VERY TALENTED COMEDIAN.
THEIR TEAM CALLED ME AFTER I TWEETED THIS JOKE AND WERE LIKE
"HEY, WE THINK YOU'RE GREAT BUT WE CAN'T HAVE ANY SORT OF
SUGGESTIVE MATERIAL OUT THERE COMING FROM YOU."
SO THE JOKE THAT EVENTUALLY I ENDED UP DOING ON TELEVISION ON
LATE NIGHT SO IT WORKED OUT. I AM LIKE A WILD ANIMAL IN BED,
WAY MORE AFRAID OF YOU THEN YOU ARE OF ME.
>> Stephen: FINE JOE, QUALITY JOKE.
WAS THIS AN ULTIMATUM? YOU DROPPED THAT JOKE AND YOU
CAN STAY OR YOU'VE GOT TO GO? >> Taylor: NO, THEY WERE LIKE
"IT'S ON THE INTERNET. YOU'RE GONE."
THERE WAS NO "CHANGE OUR WAYS." >> Stephen: NO FORGIVENESS IN
CHRISTIAN COMEDY? >> Taylor: NO, NO, NO.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER.
>> Taylor: NO, NO, WE GAVE YOUR DATES TO SOMEONE ELSE.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE DONE SO MANY GIGS.
YOU'VE DONE CHURCHES, AS WE'VE SAID.
CORPORATE GIGS WHICH ARE SO FUN. >> Taylor: CELL PHONE.
>> Stephen: I CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF THE
INDUSTRIALS I DID BECAUSE OF THE MEDICAL SUPPLY.
>> Taylor: YOU HAVE PUSHED THROUGH THINGS.
AFTER I GOT THIS JOB, YOU HAD YOUR APPENDIX BURST.
>> Stephen: SHORTLY AFTER YOU GOT THIS JOB MY APPENDIX TRIED
TO KILL ME. >> Taylor: I'M SO SORRY.
I WAS WORRIED FOR YOU. BUT ALSO I WAS ANNOYED FOR ME
BECAUSE I SHORTLY AFTER DOING YOUR SHOW GOT MONO WHICH MY
DOCTOR TELLS ME MOST PEOPLE GET IN HIGH SCHOOL OR COLLEGE.
I UNDERSTAND I'M A LOSER. I WAS LIKE WOW, I'M GOING TO BE
SO BRAVE FOR PUSHING THROUGH ALL THIS STUFF, HAVING HAD MONO.
AND THEN YOU PUSHED THROUGH YOUR APPENDIX POISONING YOU ON
TELEVISION AND SO -- >> Stephen: THAT'S HOW YOU GET
11:30, BABY. THEY DON'T JUST GIVE THESE DESKS
AWAY. YOU'LL GET THERE.
A CYST OR SOMETHING. >> Taylor: A CYST OR
SOMETHING. >> Stephen: AS LONG AS IT'S
VERY PAINFUL. WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK
BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
TAYLOR TOMLINSON, EVERYBODY.