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The Capitol of the United States, a country in North America, has a basement.
This basement is of course where the US government keeps the original Elon Musk, the chemtrail
factory, and covfefe but what you might not know is that down here is something else—this:
the United States Capitol subway system.
Now, the US capitol is believed to be here in Washington, DC which has a subway system.
It’s known for breaking down, catching on fire, and running less frequently than Chris
Christie but this is an entirely different, unconnected system that’s exclusively for
the use of those working at the US Capitol.
This subway is used to transport the lawmakers of the US to destinations about 1,000 feet
away and as much as I’d like to make fun of powerful people refusing to walk such a
short distance, this subway’s existence actually sort of makes sense.
Let me explain.
The US capitol is big but not big enough.
It was big enough when it opened in 1800 since there were 137 congresspeople and their staff
were themselves but by 1900 when there were 447 congresspeople and they were starting
to get staffs, the Capitol was getting too small.
You see, why that is is because more people take up more space.
Today’s Congress is made up of 535 lawmakers who each have an average of 45 staff members.
Now, not every congressional staffer works in DC, many work back in the district that
the congressperson represents, but still, with 535 lawmakers and dozens of staffers
each, they just can’t all fit in the US capitol.
It’s 1.5 million square feet which, granted, is large but the nearby DC convention center,
for example, is 60% larger and the largest building in the world, the New Century Global
Center in Chengdu, China, as a totally arbitrary comparison, has as much floor space as 13
US Capitols.
Since Congress literally runs the country, they got to vote 100 years ago on how to deal
with the overcrowding of the Capitol and this subway system was what finally convinced them
to go ahead with relocating their offices to here—the new Congressional office buildings.
There’s the Russel, Dirksen, and Hart Senate office buildings and Cannon, Longworth, and
Rayburn House office buildings and most of them are connected to the Capitol by this
aforementioned subway.
Part of why this exists is because members of Congress are actually under no obligation
to show up to votes.
They could hypothetically get elected, do nothing, and still earn their $174,000 yearly
salary.
Of course this wouldn’t do wonders for their re-election chances but they could still do
it.
In summary, there are more rules to being the guy who runs the soft serve machine at
McDonalds than being the guy who runs the war machine of the United States and coincidently,
both of these are almost always dysfunctional.
In one day the US Congress can have dozens of votes many of them important, but many
of them also mundane so one wants to be sure it’s as easy as possible for congresspeople
to get from their offices to the voting floor so they don’t play hooky.
If no subway or underground passage existed, they would have to exit their building, cross
busy streets, and re-clear security at the Capitol which would waste heaps of time and
expose them to the real world.
Using the subway, congressmen and women can go door to door from their offices to the
voting floor in under five minutes and so it increases congressional attendance.
Now, as quick review for non-Americans, the US Congress is made up of two bodies—the
House and the Senate—and each of them actually has their own separate subway system going
to their own separate office buildings.
For the Senate there are two different lines—one that goes to the Russel Office Building and
one that stops at both the Dirksen and Hart buildings—and then on the House side there
is just one line down to the Rayburn building.
If you’re in the Cannon or Longworth buildings, though, you’re out of luck.
There are no subways.
Only plain old vanilla tunnels.
Lobbyists and journalists love this subway system as it funnels all the powerful people
they want to talk to through one choke point so there are supposedly often people waiting
around at the different ends.
Still though, not everyone uses DC’s little subway.
At least one Republican senator forbade his staff from using it out of protest for government
waste while others, including during her terms Hillary Clinton, have been know to skip the
ride and walk instead for exercise.
All the more senior members of Congress have their own mini offices in the Capitol known
as “hideaways,” but to get to their main headquarters, that’s what this subway is
for.
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