Which one of us can sell a goat the quickest?
Let's talk about that.
♪ (theme music) ♪
- Goooooooood Mythical Morning! - When you're a internetainer, you gotta
prepare for the day when nobody cares enough anymore to click on your face.
- It's what you do. - So as you know, we've been going out
into the world in search for what else we might be good at with a little help from
- our friends at Geico! - Yep yep yep yep yep!
- It's time to take another field trip! - This week, we decided we'd try to
- become auctioneers. It's time for-- - (both) The Backup Plan.
(Link) We currently make a living talking, so we thought if we just speed it up a
little, we could become auctioneers. This week, we visited the most lively and
- worst smelling auction we could find. - (Rhett) At Mike's Animal Auction in
Mira Loma, California, you can get almost any animal, from a really big pig to a
feisty old billy goat, to a... That is not a horse.
(Link) We met up with Mike himself, the auction founder, and his son, Shaun,
- who's taking over as auctioneer. - People bring animals in,
and animal-related items, and we sell it at public auction.
- What's an animal-related item? - Well, like, a sofa, or--
- (all laugh) - A sofa!
- (all laugh) - Dishes...
And when people get a goat, they like to have a new couch for the goat to sit on.
I'm kinda surprised that you guys aren't speaking faster.
(rapidly) 75, 85, 95, 200, 2 and a quarter, 2 and a half...
(normally) No, we don't talk that way. Only when we're selling something.
- Wow. - That scared me.
- You turned it on like a faucet! - Well why don't you see if you can
practice? I just did it for you, can you auctioneer for me?
- (rapid gibberish)... chicken! - (laughs) You screw up the bid,
- they're gonna get on your butt. - Uh oh.
(Mike) They're gonna call you out for it. It ain't gonna be pretty.
- Well now you're making me nervous. - Should I be--?
Now, since there's a camera right there and it's supposed to be reality TV,
this is Mike's Livestock Auction, Mira Loma, California. So, if you need to
come and do business with me, you got the address.
(Rhett) If we were going to be auctioneers, we had to learn from the best.
(unintelligible auctioneering)
(Link) First auction of the day was the "miscellaneous" auction.
(Rhett) But the term "miscellaneous" was an understatement. I mean, there were
some strange stuff up on that auction block.
(Link) Yeah, but no matter how strange the item was, Shaun was finding people
- to buy it with ease! - Skill saw!
(Rhett) Or maybe our patented showmanship had something to do with it.
(Link) Mmhm.
♪ (country music) ♪
- ♪ (slower country music) ♪ - (Link) That's when I saw it:
the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on. I had to tame it and have it
- for my very own. - (Shaun) A really nice horse...
I want one of those, man. It's a horse table!
- (Link) I'll take one for 15 dollars! - (Rhett laughs)
- You can't! We're past that. - You're past that already!
- They're at 35! - 35 dollars?
- Yeah, you gotta listen! - 40!
(Shaun) I got 40 there! 45, 45, 45? 40 going once, going twice...
- 45! - You're already at 40,
- and I'm sellin' there. - Oh. Yeah, to me.
I'm gonna win! Yeah, I was already-- Yeah! (laughs)
- I almost bid against myself twice. - Congratulations, Link.
- Look at that, man. - That's nice!
(Rhett) After watching the master at work, it was time to get started on the
- main event: the animal auction. - (Link) But before we got to sell the
- animals, we had to check 'em in. - So what do we got in this cage here?
- Big chicken! - We have a hen, midget white turkey.
- Oh, turkey. - That's a lotta qualifiers there. Turkey!
(Link) This is not gonna go well... for Rhett.
Ugh, ah, oh, okay! All right! All right, okay, we'll try again in a second.
- You gotta be assertive. - You're the one with the chicken on
- his shirt! You wanna try it? - That ain't a chicken.
- (man) There you go. - (Link) Oh, look at that!
- (Rhett grunts) - Gobbledy-gobbledy!
- Oh, you did it! Yeah! Gimme-- - Boom! Turkey man!
Shall I open the gate so that he can grab the goat?
- (man) You can open the-- haha. - All right, Rhett!
(man) Here we go.
Don't drop it!
What? Is that the proper way to hold a goat?
- (man) That is not the proper way. - So, later on there's gonna be a
- bidding war over this goat. - She should go pretty nice because it is
a nanny, and as you can tell, she's real gentle.
- White... white nanny? - We got a white ninny in here.
- Like somebody who keeps kids? In there? - She looks like she's really good with kids.
- (Link) I'm in the market for one of those. - (Rhett) I'd say she's 20 dollars an hour.
How many kids can that white nanny keep at once?
She can probably hold about 4 or 5 on her back, I can see that. She's big.
This is like summer camp for these guys. Summer camp that they never leave.
And then they go home with somebody else's parents.
(man) Why don't one of you get up in there and kick 'em all out?
Link, that "one of you" is you.
- (Link) Git! Git! Git! Get out! Git! - (Rhett clicks his tongue)
(Link) Come on, goats! This way. I can't get any of my goats out!
(Rhett) Oh, there's one. Okay, I'm just kinda...
- (Link) Come on, goat. - (Rhett) Hyah! Hyah! That worked.
Git, git, git!
(Rhett) It's kinda like working at the airport.
(Link) Wow! Git, git, git!
(Rhett) Oh! Okay. All right, okay. Okay. How many guys does it take to get
- a goat in a pen? Look at that! - Woo!
Look at that, Link! Look at those goats, man. We manhandled those goats.
What happens with these goats? People buy them in order to what... milk 'em?
Some people buy 'em for pets. I don't know if you've ever been around a goat, but
a lotta times they can act a lot like dogs.
(Link) And what about, like, lawn care goats? Like just clean your brush out
- behind your house. - Yeah. Actually, a hundred percent, yeah.
And what about tin cans? Do they eat tin cans?
- I don't know. I don't think so. - (Rhett) That's cartoons, man.
(Rhett) So, are there any secrets to getting people interested in actually
- buying the animals? - (Shaun) During the auction, pick up
the goat, take it to the potential buyer, let them pet.
- 'Kay. - Two times, no more. Pull the goat back.
- Oh, you leave 'em wanting more. - (Shaun) Yeah, yeah. You know you want
more! You know you want more. You wanna pet this goat.
- (Link) If you wanna keep petting my goat... - You need to bid!
Can you, like, demonstrate the milking during the auction?
- What if you milk it into your mouth? - We have done that. Oh, for sure, yeah.
They got a big bag, I'll say, "Paul, give 'er a tug!"
(man) Now squeeze your legs on 'er there. What you wanna do... there you go!
(Link) Whooaah! Who's gettin' thirsty out there?
(Link) It was getting close to auction time.
(Rhett) So we needed a pep talk from the OG of auctioneering, Big Mike.
(rapidly) 500, 500, 550, 550, 500, I got 500, gimme 550, come on! It's only money.
600, 650... you know, like a song. You know, 100, 200, 300, 400, 400, 500,
500, 6... You see so many auctioneers-- (gruffly) "I got 100! You gonna give me 200?
"I got 300! Gimme 400! I got 400! Gimme 500!"
- (normally) They almost scream it at you. - (sings) ♪ 1 dolla, 1 dolla, 2 dolla, ♪
- ♪ 2 dolla, 3 dolla, 3 dolla, 4 dolla 5... ♪ - Yeah man, you're doing good!
(sings) ♪ 1 dolla, 2 dolla, 3 dolla, 4 dolla 5... ♪ That's not an auction, is it?
- But the same thing, just faster. - (Rhett) And so you just kinda stick on
that, like, 100 dolla, 100 dolla, 100 dolla, 100 dolla, 100 dolla, 150, 150,
- 150, 150, 150-- - Really and truly, you're really
- good at it! - (rapidly) Think about how many things we
could talk about we could talk about things real fast if we talk like this we
could get so many things done we could get so much work done if we started
- talking like this. - (rapidly) I'm really loud and clear and
I definitely begin to say a bunch of things at the same time and we can
- talk at the same time and-- - and this is how we do the handoff right
right here like this and in a second we're gonna go out there and we're gonna do
the thing we're gonna sell a bunch of goats and everybody's gonna be real
- happy, 350, 350, 350, 375-- - (laughs)
(Link, rapidly) 44, 55, everybody's gonna wanna buy a goat. Who wants to buy a goat?
- Everybody leaves with a goat. - Yeah! Yeah!
Everybody wins a goat; it's like Oprah in here except with goats.
We're not Sotheby's, we're not fancy. We're an old Saturday night chicken
roller pumpkin patch auction. I only wear one brand of clothes. I don't own
- nothing fancy. - What about our appearance?
I'd like to see you guys in Western shirts, Western hat.
♪ (country rock music) ♪
- (crowd applauds) - (Link) Who wants to buy some livestock?
- (Link) All right, here we go-- - (Shaun) She looks like she got a full
- sack, why don't you see if she's milking? - (Link) Oh yeah, we got goat #15! Got a
full satchel of milk down there. You buy this milk today, you get all the goat that
comes with it. We're gonna start at 100 dollars today, 100 dollars for this goat.
- (man) Hep! Hep! Hep! - 110, 115, here we go. 120, 120.
- (man) Hep! Hep! - Keepin' it comin', keepin' it comin'.
- (man) Hep! Hep! - 130 over there, 150? 150. 160?
- (man) Hep! Hep! Hep! - Look at him milkin' it right there.
- (Link) We got 200, I believe. 200? - (man) Hep! Hep!
- (Link) There we go, 200. 210, 210. - (Rhett) Tell 'em there was milk in there
- earlier. - (Link) There was milk in there earlier,
and it's coming out now if we can just get to 210. She'll milk at 210.
- (man) Hep! Hyeah! - (Link) We got 230 now, 230.
(Link) We're looking at 240. I milked this goat earlier, it was one of the best times
of my life. You can have that time too for just 240.
- Did you get any milk outta there? - (Link) 240. All right, we got 230.
(Link) Anybody else? Going once, going twice, sold!
- (Link) Look at this nice little goat! Ooh! - (Rhett) You heard the man. We got
two goats. We've got one black goat, we've got one white goat with a little
bit of black on 'im. Let's start with 50, we got somebody open with 50 dollar,
- 50 dollar, 50, 50-- right there. - (man) Hep!
- Here we go. We got 50 dollar, we got 60. - (man) Hah!
- We got 60, we got 60 right here. - (man) Hep! Hep!
We're gonna go to 70. We got 70 right here, how about 80? 80, these are two
good goats. How 'bout 85, 85, somebody go with 85. Come on, this guy-- he doesn't
look like he wants a goat quite enough, so let's get somebody who wants a goat
a little bit more. We got 85, 85, 85, 85, you know you want these goats. Look at
how precious. Hold the goats up. Make people want the goats even more.
- (man) Hyeah! - 85 right there! That's right!
- Woo! - How 'bout 90 dollars, 90 dollars, that's--
Look, these goats mean a lot to me. I'm gonna slow down just for a second.
- ♪ (sentimental music) ♪ - Okay? 90 dollars. Don't complain about
it taking long, because this goat is a special goat that I bonded with earlier
today and I think it definitely deserves 90 dollars on this goat. Get back to 90
- dollars everybody-- - (man) Hey!
- There we go, right there. This man wants-- - (man) Hey!
- We're gonna go up to 95, 95, 95-- - (man) Heeey!
100 dollar! These are 100 dollar goats. We're getting into triple digits, just
like the temperature out here right now. It's real hot. We got a really hot price
on these goats. It's 100 dollars, 100 dollars, we going any higher than 100?
100? We gonna stop at 100? We're gonna say going once? Going twice? Sold!
- Woooo! - For 100 dollars.
We're gonna take a break from the goats real quick and we're gonna bid this man
off right here. You can win a date with this man right here. We're gonna start
- at 17 dollars. - (crowd laughs)
17 dollars, anybody want a date with this man? 17 dollars, look at him, the famous
Link! He's actually married, but we're doing this on the side, okay. 17 dollars.
- 17 dollars. - (man) Hah!
Here we go, we got a date with-- (laughs) This guy wants a date with you
for 17 dollars. Let's go to 20 dollars! 20 dollar date, 20 dollar date--
- (man) Hep! - How 'bout 25? 25, 25, 25, yep!
30, 30, 30 dollars, 30 dollars, we go to 30 dollars-- 30 dollars! How 'bout 50
dollars? 50 dollar date with this man right here. 50 dollar date!
- (man) Hep! - (Rhett) Okay, how about 75 dollars?
- (man) Hep! - 75 dollars for a date right here!
I'm gonna go up to 500 dollars for a date with Mr. Link Neal!
500 dollars, 500 dollars, 500 dollars, 500 dollars... okay, I'm gonna come right
back down to where I was, which was 75 dollars. Sold! To the man in the hat.
- (Rhett) Link, have a good time. - (crowd laughs and cheers)
- Okay, Dad, let us have it. - I think he's a ringer.
- (both) What does that mean? - A ringer means it's somebody who's
probably a professional or did it before and you're tellin' us you ain't.
- (laughs) That's right, Link! - And me too?
I think that you did fine for your first day.
- (laughs) - Are you kiddin'?
- ♪ (sentimental music) ♪ - (Link) I got this.
- (man) You got the horse. - (Link) I got this horse coffee table.
(Link) This is going in either my living room or yours, depending on how things go.
(all laugh)
- How was your date, Link? - It was good! It never happened.
Oh. Well, thanks to Geico for sponsoring this episode. Go to Geico.com where 15
minutes could save you 15 percent or more on your car insurance.
Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing!
You know what time it is.
- I'm Genly! - And I'm Benders.
- And I'm Nana. - And we're from the Netherlands!
(all) And it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality!
Aw yeah!
Go ahead and get those stocking stuffers ready to stuff! RhettandLink.com/store,
where you can get Link's peanut butter peppermint lip balm and my beard oil.
- You're gonna like 'em. - Make your Christmas list!
RhettandLink.com/store! Click through to Good Mythical More where we share the
secret history that we have with Western wear.
Ooh, secret history.
(Rhett) Can't stop speaking like weathermen.
(dramatically) And as you can see, Don here is moving in from the East Coast with
a low front, kinda pushing him towards me a little bit. It's getting a little awkward.
And Charlie, here, is getting a lotta perspiration turning into some partici--
partici-- (laughs) Precipitation! I'm not gonna participate in that precipitation.
I'm definitely participating in a little bit of that.
- (laughs) - Oh, it's getting cold in here. Turning
- into a little freezing sweat. - Ohhh, I feel that breeze.
Black ice on the roads. Watch yourself, kids.
Hey, hey, hey! Are you frontin'? Ha ha, don't front! Ha ha ha ha!
[Captioned by Caitrin: GMM Captioning Team]