You see, I’m a guy of simple taste.
I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder…and spelling, I like good spelling, you guys.
That’s, like, the least we can expect of people.
To be able to spell.
There are parrots that can spell.
I mean, think about that.
Parrots.
And apparently, some of those parrots are better spellers than video game developers.
Case in point—oh, I don’t know—how about every NES game ever?
Or how about Lightening Force?
Lightening Force.
So I guess it’s a game about toothpaste.
And look, I’ll be honest, when I saw that misspelling…I almost didn’t even bother
playing this thing.
I was that upset.
But I thought, “Whatever, I’ll just make fun of it for a few hours,” like I do people
who can’t spell.
I had, like, fifty Colgate jokes ready to go.
But then.
Whoa.
Then I was shocked to find that this stupid game…isn’t stupid at all.
In fact, this game rules.
Which almost makes me respect the bad spelling.
It’s, like…this game’s so badass, it was probably drinking booze and smoking cigarettes
when it was supposed to be coming up with names for itself.
So right at the last minute, it was just like, whatever.
So it typed “Lightning Force” so fast, and with such utter carelessness…that it
came out like this.
Lightening Force.
Life lesson, kids.
You can be as dumb as you want, when you kick this much ass.
Actually, you know what’s even cooler about the title?
It’s not even the original title.
This is Thunder Force IV.
This game is so badass, it decided to change its name to something worse, just to f*ck
with people.
I respect the hell out of that.
And of course, since it is Thunder Force, the game’s pretty respectable, too.
This is just an awesome shoot ‘em up.
And the presentation is amazing.
There’s some really cool-looking parallax going on, with gorgeous layers of scrolling,
and solid audio…and the environments are all so diverse, the game never looks boring.
You’re underwater, you’re in the desert, you’re kicking ass…
This game kicks ass.
And it might be one of the best-looking games on the Genesis.
Of course, it plays great, too.
If there’s a criticism, it’s that it might be too hard.
Like, if you’re new to this, you’re pretty much f*cked.
Fortunately, there’s a 99 lives cheat, which you quickly realize is one of gaming’s most
valuable.
Game’s ridiculous.
But fortunately, once you have more lives, it’s just a blast to play.
Like, even when you’re being blasted.
This game is so much fun.
And it’s got a couple interesting design elements, too.
So for example, the levels are actually taller than the screen, if that makes sense.
Like, there’s level above and below you, too.
Which is actually pretty cool, it gives the game a much bigger sense of scope.
You feel like you’re surrounded by enemies you can’t even see sometimes, and that’s
awesome.
There are a bunch of different weapons you can collect, too.
There’s the snake, which fires bombs above and below you…there’s the freeway, which
is tricky to use, it fires a spread shot in the opposite direction you’re moving, so
it takes a bit of getting used to…there’s also a rail gun that covers your back, as
well as my personal favorite, the blade.
It’s like blades of fire.
Fire blades.
See, that makes up for bad spelling.
Also makes up for the slowdown.
At least, a bit, there’s definitely some slowdown.
That’s a criticism.
It’s that and spelling, look, that’s all I got here.
I play so many bad games around here, that when I play a good one, I almost don’t even
know what to do with myself.
Like, I spent 15 minutes staring at a wall, after this.
And even then, I saw Thunder Force IV.
Sorry, Lightening Force.
Lightening Force.
Actually, that might be the worst spelling and naming decision ever, that’s just horrible.
But much like a 1980s action hero…
It doesn’t have to be smart, to be awesome.
It’s Lightening Force: Quest For The Darkstar, for the SEGA Genesis.