♪♪
Hey guys, hi.
Welcome back to my cooking show.
As many of you know, I am the proud father
of a world famous lobster bisque.
And if you've ever wanted to know my secret,
I am so excited to announce,
that today we're pulling out the big guns.
[heavy breathing]
Wow.
Also, I'm going to share my secrets with you.
♪
The first thing you need to do is prepare mentally.
This isn't like making a soufflé,
or sending a rocket to the moon.
It's complicated.
And it's a spiritual journey.
It all starts with 27 minutes of meditation.
Jeremy:
Time is all we have, Jeremy.
Time is a wheel..of parmesan.
Jeremy:
Make a note of that.
Yum.
I'm sinking into the a-bisque.
The selection of your lobster is absolutely essential.
You think the 2016 election was divisive?
You should see the lobster tank.
After some initial vetting,
I do a one-on-one interview with the lobster,
to make sure he or she is worthy.
Now, how do you remain calm when you're in a pinch?
Do you find it offensive when someone calls you a shrimp?
Of all of your friends,
who would you say has a butter face.
Would you consider yourself charitable or shellfish?
Would you say that you are claw-strophobic?
An amateur might think that a very sharp knife is
more dangerous.
Not true!
A dull knife is actually more dangerous,
because you'll probably get so frustrated,
you'll stab someone.
Jeremy:
Next step, determine exactly how hungry you are.
Are you a hungry, hungry hippo?
Are you hungry like the wolf?
Now take that number and multiply it by ounces.
Jeremy:
I'll give you a number.
I could do with about 10 ounces less
of your bad attitude.
Jeremy:
To the left, then the pan wouldn't be
on the stove anymore!
Could you quit it with the terrible ideas?
The most important tool for your lobster bisque is
your whisk.
Whisk it like its hot.
It's all in the wrist.
Jeremy:
what ingredients you put in there.
I don't know what I put in there.
Jeremy:
Ignorance is bisque.
Jeremy:
Look at my face, Jeremy.
Is this my serious face?
Jeremy:
it's the only reason we got funding.
Okay, I see.
For the recipe--
Jeremy:
Go to the store, in the soup aisle,
pick any lobster bisque, and mix it in a pan.
Voilà.
Jeremy:
Happy Bisque-ing!
No lobsters were harmed until after the filming
of this show.
Thanks for watching that sketch.
Remember to like, subscribe, and comment below.
And I wrote a children's book I'd like to read to you.
Spaghetti in a box.
Spaghetti with a fox.
Spaghetti on a train.
Spaghetti on a plane.
That's just "Green Eggs and Ham."
No, spaghetti with ham, and--