Alright, goblins.
"Alright, goblins?"
Uh-huh. I'm just trying to think of a new catch phrase for you.
How about just, "Hey, everyone?"
Nah. Alright, goblins.
Alright, goblins.
[Laughter]
That's a fucking great start. I'm going to intro my videos with that from now on.
So number one on my list of worst things about living together is-
Oh, are you filming?
Yes -- is you try to film a video and your girlfriend just suggests that you say, "Alright, goblins"
to everyone.
How was I to know you were filming?
Because I said, "I'm going to film a video," and then I sat down in front of the camera.
You can't tell the people the "Alright, goblins." What if someone steals it before
I film my next video?
It's too bad, you have to make your next video very quickly.
That's fair--
All the biggest YouTubers are watching this and going to steal, "Alright, Goblins."
Real intro: Hey everyone, I'm Riley. Today I'm going to be talking about some of the
best and worst parts of living together with my beautiful girlfriend, who's offscreen.
Say hello, Fiona.
Alright, goblins.
She's busy with work so she can't be in my video, but I'm still going to bother her because
we're in a studio apartment and there's only so far away from her I can get. So you're
in this video whether you like it or not.
Woo!
So I've made a list of some of the best and
worst parts of living together, sapphic edition, women who like women edition, queer edition,
I don't know, something like that. So half of this video is going to be really cheesy,
gross, mushy stuff and the other half is just going to be me roasting Fiona.
But before we hop into that, I want to tell you about this video's sponsor, the Dollar Shave
Club. So this is the Ultimate Shave Starter Set that they sent me. And inside it basically
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But genuinely, I love these razors so much. I have a bunch of them with us. We're in Vietnam
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that I've used. They're super great, they just feel so good against your skin and I
just love them a lot.
But I also use them and they're really good.
Yeah, she uses them because she steals all of mine. You could at least when you're done
rinse them off and get the hair out of them.
Yeah, that's pretty gross of me, won't lie. I use them regularly and I suck at cleaning
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That's fair.
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Okay, so I am going to start off with one of the worst things just because I'm currently
sitting in it right now, which is that there is hair everywhere. There's so much hair because
we both have long hair and we have a white tile kind of floor, and it's just every day
there's piles and piles of hair on the ground and I'm currently sat in it, and if I move
anywhere there's 500 hairs hanging from everything.
It's honestly gross.
It's pretty gross.
I don't know why you opened with that. Now anyone who watches a minute of the video is
going to know.
I think it's relatable. Anyone who has long hair has to know how much it sheds.
I don't think everyone sheds as much as you.
I do shed an impressive amount. Most of the hair I think is mine.
Yes.
-Mmm. [Laughter]
But it's definitely compounded by the fact that it's both of us.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
There's a lot of hair. So if you have long hair and your partner also has long hair and
you try living together, you're going to be constantly picking up clumps of hair from
the ground and sweeping it and--
Not if you're -- It's only happening here because it's all tiled.
Yeah, in our last place we had darker floors and parts that were carpeted or had rugs or whatever.
And we did not clean it as much, and now I'm kind of grossed out thinking about how much
hair was just there that we didn't see, because here it's just so visible because it's light
tiles and stuff.
I'm okay with our grossness.
But one of the best things, and this is really cheesy, but it's so nice to just wake up and
have some cuddles every morning. You know? It's right there, you wake up, you get a little cuddle.
It's great.
It's right there?
Yeah, the cuddle is right there. You wake up, you're all sleepy, you just 'boop'.
It's so nice. You don't get that shit when we're long distance because we were
long distance for a couple of years, and it was just lots of no cuddles.
Mhmm. That's pretty cute.
It was pretty cute. It's really nice, it's a good thing. So one of the best things is
also kind of a drag at Fiona, well because for you, you have someone who does the dishes
and the laundry and hangs up your towel. I imagine it's really nice to just have your
laundry get done, and you could just kind of take a shower and throw your towel wherever
and it just gets hung up and dries nice and perfectly. If you're living with someone who
cleans up all of your stuff, that's a best part. Is it not? Is it not nice?
Look. [Laughter]
"This is a nice one and a drag." That's just a drag!
It's a nice one for you, is it not a best part of living together? She knows I'm right.
If you're broke and you're in a studio apartment, you just don't really have private space.
We're always up in each other's business. If you're super well off and you have a five
bedroom apartment and you can just go hide somewhere else and have your own area, that's cool.
But we're mostly in studio apartments as we're traveling and it's tough to not have your
own space. If one of you is listening to something, the other one's listening to it too. If you
want to have a phone call, the other person's there for it. You're just always kind of involved
in each other's stuff.
No more secrets, no more secret life for you.
Yep, because we both had really involved secret lives before this. One of the best things
is that you always have someone to play Mario Kart with, or I don't know, whatever other
game people play in their lives. But for us it's always Mario Kart.
Woo hoo!
It's just, I don't know. If you're feeling tired at the end of the day, if you just want
to have a little thing to do, you get to play Mario Kart at the end of the day and it's
really nice. I like it.
Deadass, that code word set me off. I want to play Kart now.
Now you want to play Mario Kart?
I'm like, "How long is this video going to take?"
We can play after my video if you want. No?
It's so long.
It is really nice to ... I like playing games on my own, but there's something different
with being able to just sit down with my girlfriend at the end of the day and play a little Mario
Kart and chat about our days, but also have fun playing a game. It's really nice.
One of the worst things, but I think this is us specific, is that I want the temperature
inside to be hot all the time and Fiona always wants it to be super cold. And I like it to
be quiet and she likes it to be really loud. She's always playing a TV show or music or
something. And so we just have very conflicting ideas of what our space should be.
You always say that I want a loud ice cave and you want a silent sauna.
A silent sauna. It would be nice. So we have to kind of ... We've made arrangements about
when someone has to wear headphones and we'll have one area of the room colder, one warmer
if we can, if there's an air conditioning or a fan or whatever.
Or Riley can just put a goddamn jumper on.
I don't like to wear a million jumpers in my own home. It's 95 degrees out and I have
to wear a sweater and sweat pants in my own home. One of the best parts is that you get
to get pets together and start a little family.
Oh my god, I'm so excited.
And we haven't done that yet, but we plan to get so many cats and dogs, and I'm so excited.
We're going to have so many adorable animals. That's such a perk of living together that we
haven't got to have yet, but I'm really excited for when we do. Aww.
It's going to be so good.
One of the worst parts of living together for me, you're fine here, is that I get to
wake up to Fiona's first 500 alarms every morning, because she sets alarms every 10
minutes for an hour and then does not wake up for any of them. So I wake up for all of
them and then I get Fiona's attention.
I'm like, "Babe, your alarms are going off," and she's like, "Turn that off for me," and
just goes back to sleep. And so for hours sometimes I just keep waking up or I wake
up at the first one and I can't go back to sleep. You're fine, you're snoozing through
all of this. If your partner sets a million alarms and you're the only one who wakes up
for it, I'm sorry. That's a worst part of living together.
Yeah, no rebuttal.
Yeah, no rebuttal? This is very cheesy, but one of the things I really like is having calm,
uneventful moments together, because when we were long distance and we were together,
we had to be doing stuff all the time because you only have a week or two with this person.
But now I like when, I don't know, nothing's happening. We're just together and eating
breakfast together, or just both chilling on our phones on the couch. It's just sweet.
We just get to be together and nothing's really happening, but we're together. I like it.
Cutie. I agree.
I've run out of worst parts, so another best part is that you always have someone to scratch
your back or give you a massage when you need it.
True.
It's some good shit.
I do make the most of that.
Yeah. It's not the same to scratch your own back and you can't really give yourself a massage,
so it's a really nice perk of having someone around. I've got a couple more best points
though. This one is pretty specific to us, but it's really nice to have someone to travel
the world with. I wouldn't be traveling through this many countries on my own for so long,
because I think I would get lonely. But because I have Fiona, I'm able to go to all these
cool places and do a bunch of cool stuff.
Pretty dope.
Yeah, pretty dope. And last one: at night when we're not playing Mario Kart, I have
someone to watch shows with and react to them and stuff, because when I watch shows on my
own it's not as entertaining for me to yell at the TV by myself. When Fiona is there and
I get to yell at the TV and get her reaction back and we get to talk about it, it's really
fun. We were watching Sherlock lately because I never saw it as it came out, and it's really
fun to talk about it and just discuss things.
It's also my favorite thing to re-watch shows with you because your reactions are so intense.
You always record my reactions and you don't need to.
I'm gonna send you some clips for you to put in the video, but It's literally--
No!
You cannot handle any kind of awkwardness.
There's so many awkward things, like the show we were watching the other day. Anytime a
show has people sitting around eating a meal and it's just silent and you just hear the
clicking of their fork and knife and stuff, it's so awkward. It's always like everyone
here, there's such a tension in the room and they don't know what to talk about, and why
do they ever have scenes like that in shows? They just shouldn't.
I think that's everything. That's all the best and worst parts of living together that
I could think of, although I'm sure there's a million more that I just didn't think of.
Thanks for partially being in my video, Fi.
You're welcome.
In the comments let me know if you live with your partner, what are some of the best and
worst parts of living together? And remember to go to dollarshaveclub.com/riley to get your
Ultimate Shave Starter Set for $5. Thanks so much for watching and I'll see you next time.
Bye, goblins.
No.
Farewell goblins, you're right. Farewell, goblins.
Stop.