- I believe you know my PA Ari, right?
He's about this tall and dark hair, Jewish.
Anyway, he normally works in Riff-Raff Room
at the Ellen Shop,
but we decide to send him out on different things.
Last week, I sent him to the red carpet
at the People's Choice Awards,
and this week, we sent him out to help a viewer.
Her name is Janette.
Actually, she's in the audience right now.
Boy, you were a good sport, weren't you?
We found out that she needed some work done around the house,
and even though Ari doesn't know anything
about manual labor at all, we sent him,
and it's something we call "Sorry, It's Ari."
Enjoy.
[lively whimsical music]
[knocking]
- Hi, I'm Ari.
Hi, I'm from the "Ellen" show. - Oh, my god.
- You're a good hugger.
Your house smells really good. - Oh, thank you.
The door knob-- one day, I walked in,
and this was on the floor.
I got some stuck windows. The oven door broke.
- This looks like an oven from "I Love Lucy" or something.
- I mean, it won't stay--
- Oh, oh. Okay.
Yeah, I don't think I have any idea what I'm doing here,
but I think a bungee cord will work.
Just honestly-- I mean--
[both shout]
- Oh, god!
- Oh.
I didn't even know we had this.
[metal clanks]
- This window. - Okay.
So I'm gonna see if I can open it.
All right, ready?
[grunts]
[groans]
Oh!
Ow. - Ah!
I can't believe you did it.
That hasn't opened--
- Oh, [bleep]. I'm sorry about that.
Oh, you know what? I think it's locked.
- Ooh, you're bleeding. - Got a Band-Aid?
I probably have Tetanus.
Wait, I didn't even see this wing of the house.
A lot of shot glasses. Did you do a little drinking?
Do you--you like whiskey or wine?
I like a Long Island.
- I don't have a Band-Aid.
- Well, I'm bleeding out here with Tetanus.
I'm gonna wash it, though.
If not, I can just wrap a gauze. You got a gauze?
Oh, you have a NutriBullet.
So what TV do you watch normally?
- Oh, I--Oh, you know what was good on HBO?
- Hmm? - "The Vikings."
Did you ever watch "The Vikings" on HBO?
[laughter]
"The Vikings"--
- [laughs and snorts]
I'm really tired now. Maybe a lunch break?
There's something relaxing about skinning a vegetable.
- Are you dating? Are you going out?
- I'm not dating right now.
- Does your mom try to hook you up?
- Oh, believe me, when I go to synagogue,
everyone grabs my cheeks.
"Oh, we got somebody at home for you.
Oh, you could provide for her."
[singing] - Just the two of us
- Oh!
Can't wait for you to try my soup.
Tell me what you think.
- Not so good. - Oh, it's good.
It's just it's a cultural thing.
You know, I probably would like it.
To--to your-- your house
and to us spending the day together.
- Oh, it's wonderful.
[laughter and applause]
- Oh, thanks, Janette.
[cheers and applause]
I mean--
I had my chef make you some soup.
Ari, where's the soup I want you to bring to Janette?
All right.
This is actually gonna be good soup.
- Oh. - You're reunited.
[applause]
Were you surprised when you saw Ari at your door?
- Yes, I didn't know what to expect.
And so I opened the door, and I looked,
and I said, "Oh, my gosh, it's Ari."
I said--I was tickled pink. - So you--you knew who he was.
- Yeah, I recognized him, 'cause I had seen him
on the red carpet on the show.
- He's a polite guy. He's a nice guy.
- Really nice.
- You seemed to really hit it off.
- We had a great time,
and then we cooked, and I lit the candles,
and I said, "Oh, this is kind of like--
This could be a date."
And then I looked up, and I go,
"Oh, no, you're too young. You could be my son."
- Yeah.
Was he able to help with anything?
- Yeah, I think he surprised himself.
He got two of the windows open, and...
- Did they close again? - No.
[laughter]
At one point, he was literally hanging on the window
with his feet off the ground,
and the window wouldn't close.
- Oh. - He did get one closed.
One is still open,
and he actually fixed the bedroom door knob.
That was--
- Yeah, that was quite something.
Why were you behind the door?
- Well, I was holding the back because he kept--
[laughter]
He kept trying to--
He was screwing-- Never mind.
- It's okay.
Let's--let's-- let's not try to explain.
All right, well, you really were a good sport,
and I want to send you someplace nice to relax.
I'm gonna you to one of my favorite spas.
You're gonna get a 3-day, 2-night stay
at Miraval Resort and Spa, so have--
Look, it's Ari again.
- Oh, my god. - Enjoy it.
- Thank you, Ari.
- You can take Ari if you want.
[applause]
If anyone out there needs Ari's help with anything,
let us know.
We'll send him anywhere.