Have you ever done something that you couldn't explain?
Something impulsive or out of character?
There may be a hidden reason why.
I'm Doctor Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist,
and I make mental health education videos.
This video. Is part of a series.
On defense mechanisms.
Today I'm talking about a defense mechanism called acting out.
You might already have a general sense of what that means,
but we're going to take a closer look at how it works
and the impact it can have on your life and relationships.
Acting out is a defense mechanism where you experience distressing thoughts.
Feelings, or impulses. And express them with.
Actions or behaviors rather than words, or without fully.
Recognizing. The root of your distress.
If you're a parent, you're familiar with your children's.
5:00. Meltdowns that are triggered.
By seemingly nothing in particular.
The same thing happens if you go to amusement park
and see all the crying children in the late afternoon.
The meltdown is.
Their expression of frustration. Fatigue.
Or hunger.
And the. Children are not.
Emotionally. Mature enough to.
Recognize, hey, I've had a long day.
I'm overstimulated.
And I need you, mom, to give me something good to eat and then leave me alone.
Instead, they just know that they feel awful and.
Express that distress as crying or tantrums.
As we.
Mature, we.
Learn to. Better connect with our emotions.
And cope with them.
But sometimes the more difficult thoughts or impulses that cause internal.
Conflict or distress.
Can still be too hard to connect with.
Or express verbally, and we can resort to expressing them behaviorally.
And it's not always about verbal expression.
Some thoughts are just too difficult to accept.
Here's an example.
Tony has been dealing with.
Increased work pressures that are pretty high stakes for.
Him and the company.
Tony feels overwhelmed by the deadlines and expectations.
He has trouble keeping up, which makes him feel inadequate.
He's afraid that.
His colleagues and superiors will see him as incompetent instead of seeking.
Support.
Tony starts
being late for work, missing meetings and losing his temper with people.
From Tony's perspective.
He's not intentionally being late because, after all,
the last thing he wants to do is draw negative attention to himself.
He also doesn't know why he's missing meetings.
He's not saying, I'm not going to this.
He's just become absent minded.
And is forgetting.
Things.
The classic passive way of showing aggression.
Forgetting things.
That are important to the people you're angry. With.
These micro aggressions are all unconscious beyond Tony's awareness.
He believes it's happening because he's under a.
Lot of pressure and is.
Struggling to hold it together.
Things escalate to a head when Tony gets constructive feedback from his superior.
He lashes. Out, criticizes.
The company culture. And storms. Out.
And this is very.
Uncharacteristic of.
Tony, who is. Usually pretty.
Calm and collected, so his.
Coworkers are left. Stunned.
Now you may be thinking, how is this acting out?
He's just frustrated.
Frustration is something that we can consciously connect to and then express.
So yes, part of it may be.
Frustration with work pressures, but the part.
That is the unconscious defense is the lateness, missing
meetings and deadlines and then blowing up from constructive feedback
in a way that seems out of proportion to the situation.
In this scenario, what Tony was acting out was his feelings
of inadequacy, which go deep for him, and his insecurity.
Around.
Looking incompetent, feeling like a fraud out of his league.
That deep insecurity is like an unhealed sore.
And it's tender and. Raw.
And if you poke it, the pain can make you do bad things.
Because remember, Tony didn't know why he was being late and forgetful is just
something that started happening once his work situation poked his pain points.
Why is this called acting out?
What's being acted out? Several things.
Emotions that are difficult to.
Express verbally. Such as anger.
Sadness, or fear.
Unmet needs and desires.
And then there's unconscious conflicts.
And here are six examples of those.
Number one, fear of success versus the drive to succeed.
You may unconsciously sabotage your own success
because of a deep seated fear of what being successful will look.
Like for you.
Number two a desire for independence versus a need for security.
On the one hand, you want to be independent, but
you also desire the security and comfort found in being.
Cared for by others.
Number three a wish for intimacy versus a fear of vulnerability.
You may long for close relationships,
but then feel too exposed, suffocated.
Or controlled.
When people want to be close to you.
Number four anger toward a loved one versus guilt over that.
Anger like being. Angry towards your parent.
Number five sexual. Desires versus.
Societal norms.
You may have sexual fantasies that don't align.
Even with your own.
Values, like wanting. Your partner to dress or.
Act like a child.
Number six ambivalence toward parenthood.
You may consciously desire to have children because that's what
normal people do. But unconsciously, you.
Fear losing your.
Freedom and this makes you feel selfish.
So acknowledging it becomes unacceptable.
So these are some common unconscious conflicts that you can have that then you.
Express through behaviors that.
Usually have some destructive or maladaptive component to it.
But in addition to the damage
it can do to relationships by pushing people away, it.
Hinders your. Self-awareness.
When you act instead of reflect, you miss.
The opportunity to process what you're really.
Dealing with.
So as such, acting out is one of the more primitive defenses
because it keeps the true emotions and conflicts hidden from you
and doesn't give you the.
Opportunity to process your true emotions.
Like the more mature defenses do.
How can you. Recognize this in yourself?
It takes a lot of self-awareness and self.
Observation of your behaviors.
Here are some behavioral red.
Flags of acting out sudden impulsivity, like engaging in impulsive actions
without considering the consequences or recognizing these actions is out of.
Character for you.
Inappropriate anger like. Blow ups that you.
Feel are out of control.
Avoidance tactics like using substances, excessive gaming.
Or overuse of.
Social media as a means to escape and then self-sabotage.
And this would be things that you do to.
Undermine your success. Or well-being.
And in Tony's example, he was afraid of being called.
Out for poor work performance.
But his. Behavior only brought more.
Negative attention to himself with the probability of being called.
Out for poor. Performance.
Now, here are some questions that you can ask.
Yourself to. Recognize these. Behaviors.
What are you feeling?
Try to identify the emotion that precedes the behavior.
Is the behavior consistent.
With your values and personality?
Do you feel in control?
Or does it seem like your.
Behavior is driven. By an external.
Force or. Compulsion?
Now, just to be. Clear.
Recognizing that you're doing these things is not going to help you analyze.
Your. Unconscious conflict.
You would need a therapist to help with that.
The idea is to recognize distressing emotions
and transition from the destructive, acting out behaviors.
To. More adaptive coping skills.
There are lots.
Of different coping skills,
two that are good for emotional awareness and expression.
Are writing.
Your feelings in a journal and using art.
To express yourself.
And this could be drawing,
painting, or playing an instrument, just to name a few nonverbal outlets.
Physical activity is also a great way to relieve stress and manage the energy
and tension that might otherwise be channeled into acting out.
Practicing yoga is a way to. Move your body.
Focus your breathing, and practice mindfulness.
If you missed the video on understanding defense mechanisms, you can watch it here.
Thanks for watching today. See you next time.