If happiness isn’t the goal, what is? It’s a question that some people find perplexing
because they assume that happiness should always be what we strive for.
This is incorrect for two reasons. If it were the goal, we’d most likely take the easy ride
and miss out on anything that might challenge us and thereby helps us grow and learn.
Another reason is we risk putting happiness on some far-off horizon to chase
when it’s better for our wellbeing to cherish what we have at this moment.
As the Greek philosopher Aristotle said: “Happiness depends on ourselves.”
In this Right Bus Life Coaching video, I’m going to discuss a leading psychologist’s model
for understanding what really contributes to our happiness and wellbeing.
I’ll be back after the opening titles. In the meantime, are you on the right bus?
And welcome back, here we are talking all about personal development, your personal development.
My name’s Mervin Straughan, creator of the Three Journey’s Life Coaching System, and I’m author
of the pocket self-help guide 'Imagine Life As Three Bus Journeys.'
Today, we’re looking at the factors that contribute to happiness
and how we can manage them.
Sometimes, when asked what makes people happy
or what makes them successful, we’ll turn to material things
that we associate with success and show we have plenty of them. This often comes
about through negative conditioning and the desire to avoid certain
circumstances – in other words, we want to avoid a lack money so we ask for lots of it;
we want to avoid struggle; we want to avoid growing old without someone to love us.
Happiness isn’t the goal. That’s because it’s a by-product.
It’s what happens when we achieve balance across our lives. So, achieving balance is the goal.
American psychologist Martin Seligman, a leader in the field of positive psychology,
has given us the P-E-R-M-A model to help us understand and achieve balance.
The model identifies the five areas that contribute to our wellbeing.
PERMA stands for:
Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, Accomplishment
Let’s look at each of these in more detail.
POSITIVE EMOTIONS – here, we’re talking about feeling positive and recognising that we have
control over our lives. We’re optimistic about the future, we’re fully aware of the present
and we take a positive view of our past. Now, having a positive view of a particularly
challenging past might require us to cultivate an attitude of gratitude and forgiveness.
ENGAGEMENT – this is where we’re fully immersed in what we’re doing. Remember the time you’ve
been involved in your favourite hobbies and time has simply flown by? This state of being absorbed
is often referred to as being in a state of flow. Being engaged raises our well-being and calms us.
RELATIONSHIPS – by nature, we’re social animals with brains that are hard-wired
to make connections with others and to depend on others – parents, siblings, friends colleagues,
neighbours and so on. Establishing strong connection makes us feel safe and valued.
MEANING – this is about feeling part of something bigger rather than simply
pursuing something for personal gain. It’s about having a strong sense of purpose,
knowing why we’re here and what we can do for society.
And finally, ACCOMPLISHMENT – we can develop immense satisfaction from setting and achieving
goals because, if they’re the right ones, we’ll grow and learn and they’ll increase
how we feel about our ability and sense of control over our lives.
Even achieving modest goals can make us feel good, strengthening our self belief.
As mentioned earlier, Seligman is a pioneer in positive psychology
and it’s important to be clear about what positive psychology is and what it isn’t.
Positive psychology looks at what makes life worth living.
It takes into account the role of positive emotions. It explores the building blocks of
confidence and self esteem, as well as what motivates us and our
potential and our overall wellbeing. Although it differs from the more traditional
view of psychology which was largely focused on dealing with disorders and suffering, it doesn’t
ignore the fact that life has its challenges. So, as a result, we see the learnings from
positive psychology applied in sectors such as education and organisational development
as well as various disciplines that improve our personal effectiveness.
So, in summary, rather than measuring our success by how we compare to others,
better to think more about how we compare to who we were yesterday. This means being fully aware
and experiencing our range of positive emotions, being absorbed in what we’re doing, developing
strong connections, finding meaning in what we do and accomplishing what we set out to achieve.
If we focus our attention on this more rounded approach,
then the likelihood of happiness or contentment increases greatly. And we need to remember
that happiness is not something on the horizon, it’s something we address now.
That’s all for this latest video. If you’ve enjoyed it, give it a 'like' and feel free to
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