My parents were very abusive. I was sexually molested by both of my parents.
She gave me a bath, and she wanted me to lay down with her,
and of course most kids won't see a problem with that. You read them a book.
The question "Do you love me?" turned into her attempting to make me understand why she was about
to do what she was gonna do.
When it was over with, it was a hug and a kiss and goodnight.
So being a child and growing up thinking that's what love is from your parents,
you don't really know until somebody tells you that that was so horrifically wrong.
When I was told that was so horrifically wrong, you have to relive all of it because it all comes crashing
down like a big wall on top of you.
Then, to me, I felt like I was twice as angry because how dumb could you be?
How did you not know because now you’re an adult? You're at least 17-18 years old.
How do you not know that that was wrong?
I was in therapy.
I tried to kill myself.
I was angry. I didn’t realize how angry I was.
I really thought people had to say they were sorry for what they did.
When we moved here, my mom took me from Florida and moved here. She worked at a Catholic church
She embezzled about $80,000.00-$150,000.00.
The Priest thought I had something to do with it.
I was 17. I had quit school to help her.
I was like, “I would never steal anything.”
Forgiveness?
I didn’t want to forgive her.
I didn’t want to accept Jesus because if He got a hold of me I had to be nice.
I had been to church, been to church with my husband, but I knew these people.
I had gone to school with them.
I looked over there, and I looked at the young man's wife, and
I thought, “I’m going to go over there and talk to them.”
So I went over there, and I said, “Look, you don’t know me, but I'd like to know why you have this ‘glow’
thing going on.
What do you have?
What is it, really?”
She said, “It’s called salvation.”
I said, “Well, I've got some questions for you.”
Now, we're in foster parent class. We're just on a break.
She said, “Okay.”
I said, “When you get saved, is it really like these other older people are telling me?
Do you really have that conversion? Am I gong to be like that?”
She said, “That’s the object.”
I thought there was like a plan, like some kind of checklist. I dunno. I thought I had to do something.
There is a difference between what God does through Jesus and what you're gonna do.
All you have to do is be willing.
She made that clear to me.
The next Sunday, I was at the altar.
There was no denying it
because I had prayed, and I said, “Lord, move me.
Move me.
I’m ready.”
My mom was still living. When I got saved, it was like
I had a fire lit in me. It was indescribable.
It wasn't just happy. It wasn't like people say, "Oh, if I won the lottery were to win the lottery,
I'd feel like I was on top of the world."
The lottery is not gonna do that for you.
It was completely different.
There was a conversion in me. I was like, “You know, I just have to forgive her.”
In the last year of her life, we had a blast.
We sat at her kitchen table one morning at 4:30. The lights had gone out. It was a bad storm.
I was spending the night with her. We were sitting there, and she never said she was sorry
but she looked at me. I had forgiven her already.
She said, "You know, I have to tell you, I don't know why I
did the things to you I did and how you turned out as well as you have.”
I said, "Well, let me tell you how that works."
I sat there and witnessed to her. It wasn't a "You've gotta do this."
She was led to the Lord.
Two months later she died suddenly, and I was there.