Hey everyone!
Welcome back to Lavendaire.
It's Aileen.
So good to see you.
Today I wanted to talk about how you could change your life simply by changing your mind.
So much of how you feel and what your life looks like starts in your mind, with your mindset.
And I just wanted to hit a few points – I know it won't be all the points, but it's a good start.
P.S. I'm really excited to be participating in Giving Week on YouTube.
You'll notice that there is a blue "Donate" button on the screen,
which is different than normal.
So I chose to benefit the mental health cause where all the donations will go towards
the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation.
So I'll talk more about that later, but I'm excited about that
The first mindset check we'll do is knowing the difference between a fixed mindset
or having a growth mindset.
This is a concept that was popularized by Carol Dweck in her book "Mindset",
which I recommend everybody check out.
Basically, she splits up people into two groups: people who have a fixed mindset,
who believe that they cannot change and people are born a certain way
and stay that certain way forever VS. people with a growth mindset,
people who believe that they can change and grow, with time, with effort, and all of that.
So I'll show you this graphic that depicts the major differences
between having a fixed mindset and having a growth mindset,
and I'll link this graphic down below so you can check it out in detail.
But you want to have a growth mindset in life.
You want to believe that you can change and grow,
because people with the growth mindset tend to have more grit and more stamina.
They don't avoid challenges, but instead take on challenges.
They are stronger and last longer, if that makes sense,
because they believe that they can change,
they believe that they can overcome whatever challenges it takes in order to grow.
People with a fixed mindset tend to believe that they cannot change,
and they kind of get themselves stuck at square one,
which doesn't really help them in life.
And you can also have these two mindsets in different areas of your life.
For example: I can have a growth mindset in school.
I believe that I can learn whatever I'm taught.
I believe I can do well on tests and all that stuff, so I am up for the challenge
and I take the time to study and work hard in school.
But I could also have a fixed mindset in sports.
I could tell myself I am not a sporty person, I was not born to play sports.
I'm just simply not good at it so I'm not even going to try.
And you see how having that fixed mindset about sports
will hold someone back from even trying to grow and improve?
So notice the differences between those two mindsets and ask yourself:
"Do I have a fixed or a growth mindset?"
And look how you feel in all your different areas of life.
The next mindset shift that can change your life is to
turn your limiting beliefs into positive beliefs.
We all have limiting beliefs that we have carried with us since our childhood.
Maybe our parents told us things, society told us something, and we believe it to be true.
Start to become aware of what beliefs you have,
what beliefs that you think are "true" that might be holding you back.
For example: You might believe "Only people who have wealthy parents are going to succeed.
Because I don't have wealthy parents, I cannot succeed."
Or you could be telling yourself:
"It's so hard to lose weight.
It's impossible for me to lose weight."
You see how those beliefs, even if we're not doing it on purpose,
they're holding us back, because the first step to change is believing that it's possible.
So, what you need to do is start catching yourself
when you notice yourself thinking a limiting belief,
when you notice yourself telling something negative to yourself that can hold you back.
It's not always clear, but I think once you become aware of your self talk and your thoughts,
you'll start to see patterns and be able to pick them out.
So after you notice what limiting beliefs you have, start writing them down
and then rewrite that limiting belief into a positive belief.
And If you want to take it a step further, you want to find examples in real life,
to prove your new positive belief.
For example: A new positive belief would be,
"I believe that anyone can succeed no matter what background they come from.
In fact, a lot of successful people tend to come from tough upbringings.
Just look at __, __, and __,"
and fill in those spaces with your examples and role models.
"If they can do it, I can do it too."
And the next example: Your belief could be,
"It's easy to lose weight, especially if I put my mind to it.
Just look at __, __, and __.
I can see how they did it and learn from them, and I know that I can succeed."
Another resource that I want to share is one of my podcast episodes, the second one,
called "Rewrite Your Stories Through the Eyes of Love",
because it's so similar to rewriting your limiting beliefs.
Ask yourself, do you have any sad stories that you tell yourself about your childhood,
how you grew up or anything bad that's happened to you.
What you can do is take another look at these stories you're telling yourself,
and see if you can see your story from a new perspective,
from a perspective of love vs. a perspective of pity or even hate.
See if you could change that story, rewrite it in a way that you are the hero
and the story is about you growing through that experience
and becoming stronger because of it.
Alright, this brings me to my next mindset check, which is:
Transforming your negative self talk into positive, supporting, and loving self talk.
We all have self talk.
It's the thoughts that you think to yourself in your mind.
It's just the things that you tell yourself about everything that you do in life.
And usually, we're the most critical on ourselves.
What you want to do is: Retrain your mind to treat yourself
as if you are your own best friend because you should be your own best friend.
Talk to yourself with love, genuinely care about yourself, be gentle, be kind to yourself.
Instead of constantly putting yourself down,
start to catch yourself saying those negative thoughts,
and give yourself the support and love that you need to make yourself feel great.
Everything that you tell yourself
and everything that you surround yourself with should make you feel good.
For example: You might tell yourself,
"Ugh, I feel ugly.
I feel like a potato.
Why are all these girls on Instagram prettier than me?
Why are these people smarter than me or more successful than me?"
And it just makes yourself feel bad because you're so critical on yourself.
So instead, do those affirmations.
Do those positive affirmations where you tell yourself,
"I am beautiful, I am worthy, I am amazing.
I'm smart, I'm talented."
Tell yourself these wonderful things to yourself in the mirror.
Or if you want to do it: Record a voice memo of yourself saying nice things,
saying compliments about yourself.
Give yourself the sweet talk that you want to hear.
Ask yourself, what are the compliments that you want to hear?
How do you want to feel appreciated by your parents, your friends, your significant other?
What are the things you want them to tell you?
And instead, write it down, and you tell yourself.
You give yourself your own validation
because you shouldn't find validation from outside of yourself.
Yes, it is nice to get external validation.
But ultimately, you gotta find a way to give it to yourself.
It's gotta be from within.
The last mindset change that can seriously change your life is to forgive.
In an instant, you can choose to forgive and let go of anything that held onto for too long.
Choosing to forgive is choosing to stop hurting over any past situation.
Just let go of the pain, let go of your attachment.
There's a quote that Oprah said one of her audiobooks:
"Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past will be any different."
So let the past stay in the past.
Do not bring it into the present and do not let it affect your future.
It's as easy as deciding to let go and start anew.
Whatever hurt you feel against someone or something that has happened to you,
find it in your heart to let go and forgive.
And I promise you, it will set you free, it will change your for the better.
Alright, I hope these tips were helpful
and that you're inspired to change your mind so you can change your life.
Now I'd love to shine a light on the mental health cause
that we're supporting through this video.
You might notice that blue "Donate" button on the screen.
100% of the donations through that button will go towards
the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation,
which is a non-profit that works to provide grants to scientists and researchers
to help alleviate the suffering caused by mental illness.
Mental health is a really important issue to me,
and it's one that I think we should take more seriously.
A lot of the world's problems stem from mismanaged, untreated, or ignored mental illnesses.
So I hope we can just all come together to support this cause.
Let's give more people a chance to heal their mental health
and feel empowered to live their best lives.
So if you want to support this cause,
you can donate through the blue "Donate' button that you see on the screen.
I'll be donating as well.
And remember that 100% of the donations will go towards the non-profit:
Brain & Behavior Research Foundation.
YouTube will be covering all the transaction fees.
So it really is a community effort.
Alright, have a beautiful day and I will see you guys next time.
Bye!