Hey, what’s up, John Sonmez from simpleprogrammer.com.
Today we’re going to be talking about the importance of partying with colleagues.
This question, I don’t have a name here, but this developer says, “I have managed
to get myself a job in Fit Tech in a big corporation straight after completing a computer science
degree.
I enjoy it a lot.
I am working with the latest technology and very challenging problems.
However, as a new joiner, I am being taught hat networking and knowing people is the only
way to advance in your career.
I do not have problems communicating and socializing with new people, but I do not enjoy drinking
and staying late in the evenings.
I exercise a lot in the mornings, trying to get into triathlons and I am trying to keep
up with personal projects.
Do you think that by not going out in the evenings, drinking with people and growing
my network I am damaging my career?
If so, what should I do?
Overall, how important is your network when building a successful career?
And I do take your advice on being a mentor and expert etc.
My worries are around the fact that I do not create the relationships that people do when
they go out and “party” together.”
It’s interesting, I think Scott Hanselman episode talking about abuse and use of alcohol
in a developing community.
If we could put a link to his podcast episode on The Hansel Minutes here, I was listening
to the episode—I don’t agree with everything that was said there, but I agree it’s a
problem.
Just so you know, I basically don’t drink like every once in a while.
Maybe I’ll have a couple of scotches or something like that, but in general and probably
the majority of—there are 2 reasons why I don’t and I’ll tell you why.
One of them is because I’m a fitness freak and I don’t want extra calories and I don’t
want to miss my workout and have hangovers and all that and alcohol hurts you from a
fitness perspective.
There’s just no doubt about that.
The second one is I see it is a crutch, as a social crutch.
A lot of times a lot of people use alcohol especially for you guys out there that are
trying to figure out how to hook up, how to get the ladies, having trouble with that.
Check out my play list on that.
But if you’re using alcohol as a crutch it’s going to help you for the short term
but it’s not going to help you long term.
You’ve got to develop actual real confidence and the ability to communicate and talk with
people without using alcohol as a crutch.
Now that I’ve said that let’s talk about what I think you could do in this situation
and what I do because I think that it’s true that you need the network and you need
to spend time with your colleagues and stuff and go out to social events otherwise, you’re
going to be ostracized.
You’re going to seem—it’s not that you’re going to seem weird, it’s more so that you’re
going to seem like you don’t care about people and that you’re snobbish and unsociable
and you’re going to miss those networking opportunities.
What I would say, what I’ve done in the past is don’t go out and stay out—like
set your limits, set your—define your rules.
You don’t have to do one or the other.
You don’t have to say, “I’m not drinking, so I’m not going out with my friends or
with my colleagues who aren’t drinking or networking.”
I go to tons of networking events and I don’t drink a drop.
I just drink water the whole time or maybe every once in a blue moon I might have a scotch
or so, but I pretty much don’t drink.
I definitely don’t get wasted.
I usually call it a night fairly early because I’m going to get up and go run the next
morning or I’m going to get up and—or I’m going to go work on my project or something
like that.
Now, if you have—if this is an everyday occurrence, you don’t want to sacrifice—if
you’re going to a conference or something go and network, go and spend that time.
Don’t work on your side project at a conference, but don’t get wasted.
Just go and just like—set your limits and say, “This is what I’m going to do.”
If you want to have a drink that’s fine, that’s cool, if you don’t, that’s fine.
You don’t have to make a big deal of it.
You don’t have to make it—you could just drink some water.
Everyone might think you’re drinking.
You don’t have to say anything about it.
Just have conversations, go talk, go socialize, go and network.
Then when it comes around and you’re like, “Okay, well, it’s 11:30, time for me to
go to bed because I’ve got to go train for my triathlon” just tell people that you’ve
got to work out in the morning and you had a good time and you’re going to head home
or whatever it is and be friendly about it.
Don’t do what they’re doing.
Just let them do what they’re doing.
You’re going to be known as a disciplined person who goes and is going to run 10 miles
the next morning.
I often do that at conferences.
That’s not a bad thing, that’s a good reputation to have.
It’s just that you just don’t want to appear snobbish.
You don’t want to appear judging people.
You don’t want to appear like you’re not going to have fun and you’re not going to
socialize at all.
You’ve got to do some of that just don’t make that your whole life.
You don’t have to stay up until 2 or 3 AM in the morning in order to do that.
You don’t have to drink.
You can get away without doing all that kind of stuff.
Some people think that you can—that you have to do more than the other, but that’s
not true.
Most people, to be honest, won’t judge you harshly.
If you don’t take advantage, some people will sort of give you the whole “Oh, why
aren’t you drinking?
You should drink.”
Just say, “I just don’t drink.
I’m totally cool if you drink.
I have a good time anyway.
Don’t worry about me.
I appreciate you looking out for me, right?
Because that’s what they’re doing, they’re trying to bring you in.
When you say, “Oh no, no, I don’t drink.”
You’re judging them and you’re sort of rebuffing their attempt to bring you into
the fold, to include you in the group.
So just change how you respond.
When someone offers me a drink, “Why aren’t you drinking John?
Come on, bro!
Drink in, let’s have some shots.”
I’ll say, “No, I don’t drink but you know what, guys, have fun.
I’ll join you anyway.
I’ll have water or whatever.”
I’m like, “I appreciate you looking out for me.”
“You want a beer?”
“No, I don’t, but I’ll hold your beer for you if you want or whatever.”
Just getting friendly about it and accept their invitation, but don’t directly say
no, but don’t—at the same time don’t succumb to the peer pressure.
That’s my advice on it.
I think that it’s perfectly fine to operate that way, just have a plan ahead of time and
know what you’re doing.
Like I said, don’t offend people.
Don’t judge people, but stick to your guns and you can find the balance.
All right, if you like this video and you like to get more videos about drinking and
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All right, I’ll talk to you next time.
Take care.