You look like a room full of profile pictures.
Perfectly cropped.
I don't know what filter y'all are wearing.
Y'all got a nice hue about you.
I appreciate that.
'Cause you know when you say someone looks like their
profile picture, that's a compliment.
'Cause a profile picture, that's our best swing
in the photography department.
That's the best picture you've taken in the last
10 to 15 years.
I love the profile picture 'cause you could always tell
somebody's problem areas.
'Cause they always crop out their bullshit.
Have you noticed that?
If they got a messed-up haircut,
their picture starts right at the eyebrow
and makes its way down.
If they ain't been on their crunches,
it's getting a little loosey-goosey downstairs,
chin, lot of ceiling.
Lot of architecture.
Is that stained glass back there?
That's a beautiful home. Where is that?
What area code?
And if they're ugly, just the eyes.
Have you seen that one? The just the eyes?
Did I get a friend request from a ninja?
Who are you, eyeballs?
[laughter]
There's too many old people on Facebook.
Can we just say that? Can we just put that out there?
Too many. Remember when it was--
Remember when it was just for us?
And our college friends?
Now it's all-- they just keep on coming.
They're like the illegal aliens of the Internet.
These old people.
We need to put up a wall or some trivia.
[laughter]
Something.
Who's Lil Wayne? You don't know?
Then you don't fucking log on, okay?
This is young people's town.
Which one of these is not a dance?
You know, just something.
[laughter]
I got a friend request from my grandfather.
I was like, "No."
Like, I'll see you at Grandma's house.
I don't wanna see no old people posts like,
uh, "Just, uh, finished watching 'M.A.S.H.'"
Like, I don't wanna see that.
"About to 'Wheel of Fortune' and chill."
You know? "With my old lady."
"Just woke up from a nap. Praise God."
Like...
[laughter]
"Just woke up from a nap again. I'm on a streak."
Like...
[laughter]
I don't wanna see that.
Listen, here's my thing.
Old or young, if you're gonna be on social media,
you gotta understand the rules. The guidelines.
Like, simple stuff.
Like, the difference between wall talk and inbox talk.
When to slide up in the DMs
and when to make it public.
It's very simple.
Like, wall talk, that's that general stuff.
Hey, how you doing?
Saw the feed. Happy birthday.
Wanna go to James Davis' comedy show?
Something all the Internet can see and you can breathe easy.
Inbox is that nasty stuff that no one should ever know about.
That's why it's in a box.
[laughter]
Like, this is an inbox message I may have sent the other day.
Hey, baby girl. I had a daydream about you.
You were butt naked.
I put some Lawry's seasoning salt on your ass.
Then licked it off for a midday snack.
Send.
[laughter]
That's how I send my DMs.
Get out there.
Wi-Fi, do your thing.
[laughter]
Now, listen.
Some of y'all are laughing, and others are troubled.
[laughter]
But guess what.
That was between me and the freak I sent it to.
And where was it? In a box.
For no one else to see.
But you can't confuse the two.
I remember I went to a house party.
Some things went down. It was amazing.
The next day, my boy writes on my wall,
"Oh, girl from last night. Did you hit that?"
all: [oohing]
On my wall.
[laughter]
In my public space.
For my aunts and uncles to see.
[laughter]
Now the whole feed thinks I'm hoeing.
And then my grandpa goes, likes this.
[laughter]
I don't need that.
I don't need that drama, yo.
No.
It's funny, but it's not.