(upbeat music)
- I don't know what to do.
(upbeat music)
(egg cracking)
(splattering)
(sizzling)
- That's annoying.
- It's terrible, we're hiding these.
- What is going on here?
- This is a joke.
- Where's the dish?
- This should be really obvious.
- [Janice] Oh dear, oh dear.
- Oh wow! - How good was that?
- Absolutely ace, that was made for us by Jack Guriarto,
who is a freelancer on the Fiverr platform,
which you've just
seen is a place to find and team up with awesome
digital creators to bring your creative ideas
or in our case, ridiculous ones to life.
- Keep your eyes peeled for more
of this (laughing) throughout the rest of the show.
- [Janice] Hello boys.
- [In Unison] Hi Janice.
- What's our festive theme?
- [Janice] Today's theme is: Vegan Christmas.
You're hosting a Christmas get together
with your nearest and dearest vegan friends.
Please prepare a festive vegan meal to fill them with cheer.
- Can we all agree a nut roast is off the table?
- I don't have any friends, let alone vegan friends,
so I'm out.
- Janice, is there an order?
- The order will be decided by hat height.
- Hat height.
- Oh, oh I'm big.
- I'm a bit floppy.
- So tall is first?
- I could be better, but at the moment I'm a bit...
- You're a bit floppy, where am I?
- I feel like me and you are pretty....
- [Bas] Yeah Mike, Mike, you are standing tall.
(groaning and yelling)
- Jolly good, get out!
Oh I have no idea what I'm going to do.
I'm in big trouble.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat rock music)
Okay, I have no idea really what I'm doing,
which is always a good start.
Could we do like a quick braised cabbage
with some Christmas spices?
Could we do a cauliflower cheese featuring non-cheese?
So basically in the past we have blended up
soaked cashew nuts with boiled potatoes
and some other bits to emulsify it.
And you can actually make a vegan cheese sauce.
How do I communicate that to the other guys?
(upbeat rock music)
Let's get some potatoes.
I'm sure there are some potatoes 'cause they're starchy.
We've got instant mashed potato.
Please tell me that this is vegan?
Vegan, vegan, vegan, vegan, vegan, VEGAN.
Oh, am I boiling braised cabbage?
Yes.
Ah man, I told myself I wasn't gonna panic.
But I tell myself that every single episode
of this stupid show, let's get some cauliflower heads.
Let's get cauliflower frying off, season that.
Jamie was in this video that I'm thinking of.
So hopefully he can just get it.
The process is soak those, then you drain them,
and then you blend them up
with potatoes and other starchy stuff and some stock,
stock, veg stock and mashed potato.
And it kind of makes a creamy cheesy sauce.
Then that can go with our cauliflower that's frying off.
I'm gonna turn that down so it doesn't burn now.
And then we've kind of got a spiced cauliflower cheese,
cheese thing.
We've got some braised stuff with some spices, bread crumbs.
(horn blaring)
Okay, I have no idea whether
or not these clues are going to be enough
but I've done all I can.
I'm gonna give myself a five.
I think I had some good ideas
but I'm not sure I've communicated them correctly.
- Jay!
(upbeat mysterious music)
- Here we go, here we go, here we go, ho ho.
Cauliflower, whoa.
It's just cabbage water.
Ah, ah, right.
(upbeat Christmas music)
I still don't really know where we're going.
Could we pan a (crying)?
- [Janice] If I can just interrupt.
Did he actually look at any
of the vegan protein options on the table?
- Vegan stock, bacon, I know what we are doing.
- [Janice] I've never seen him move so fast.
- Christmas isn't Christmas without pigs and blankets.
Now these are going to be very happy pigs.
So (laughing).
Let's make some happy pigs.
Why are they happy?
'Cause they're still alive, right.
Vegan bacon or pastrami?
That's nearly bacon, right?
Defrost fully before cooking.
FFS, they're going into a microwave.
In the meantime, redemption.
Let's make whiskey gravy.
Shot of whiskey.
Maybe a little bit more.
No, Jamie, that's where you went wrong last time.
Leave it at that, do that.
Cook that off a little bit.
Do we have fire, do we have fire?
- [Janice] Maybe this will help, catch.
- We have fire.
- [Janice] I found it in my handbag, next
to my lab eggs.
Now I don't want to be a party pooper
but doing this is very dangerous.
So please be careful, unless you are
Jamie who clearly doesn't care for his eyebrows.
- Fire, burn off the alcohol.
That's where we went wrong last time, Christmas.
Everyone sat around the log fire, having a lovely time.
(blowing)
(wheezing)
That's fine.
Now let's add four heaping teaspoons.
One, two, three, four, whiskey gravy.
Let's see if that's any better than the last time that
I tried to make whiskey gravy.
One of these days I'm going to get sacked
for doing stupid stuff like this.
Yeah, pigs in blankets, into the oven.
(upbeat music)
Excellent, cashews going in here with some of the water.
(pot sizzling)
Blend.
(upbeat music)
Oh, I know what we're making, I know what we're making.
I've just figured it out.
Yes, right.
Oh look, look.
Look, look, look, we have cauliflower.
It's cooked off.
It's going into this pot here.
Oh Mike, you're a genius.
And then we're putting in this cashew nut mix
which is gonna be like our cheese.
We're making cauliflower cheese, but it's vegan.
Yes, I've got it.
I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.
I probably should have mixed some of this in beforehand.
Mustard.
(horn blaring)
(hands clapping)
Done, I'm going to give myself 7.93.
Barry.
(upbeat music)
- Okay, let's go.
Firstly, gotta say having yourself animated like
that is the coolest thing ever.
And the weirdest thing is, it's not the first time.
We did a cookbook a little while ago called Ultimate
Battles where we were animated into superheroes
and this guy called Kobe Toones,
also from Fiverr, animated us.
What is that?
Is this a cauliflower nut cheese?
Okay, that's not bad, season.
And into here to bake.
Oh, oh Jamie, what is that?
Okay, what's in here?
Hot water, oh my God, it is cabbage.
That's just cabbage water.
What's expected to do with that?
Right, we're gonna have to get rid of that water.
Oh my God, look at that colour.
Whack that on full pail.
Let's add a load of fruit.
So tartars going in here.
Is that why this thing is out here for a reason?
Okay, maybe I was being harsh.
That's quite clever, that is a good idea.
Red wine vinegar, mixed spice.
What's that, what's that, what's that, what's that?
Cinnamon, sure.
Oh, brussel sprouts, didn't see those there.
There's a lovely hot pan that is very, very hot.
Let's get those in a hot pan with,
oh my God, cabbage mix.
There you go, you know
I think I need some sugar or something sweet.
I might get some honey in there or something.
Just kind of give it a bit of a zing, oh orange juice.
(upbeat music)
Not a very juicy orange, but okay.
That's just overcooked cabbage now.
Let's prep some brussel sprouts.
I love them.
They're my favourite thing on the Christmas table.
Quarter them, they cook quickly.
Okay, into a pan, a bit bottle of oil.
(sizzling)
Brussels starting to brown off.
Good, good, good, good, good.
I'm gonna stick a bit of honey
and this makes to kind of give this some sweetness as well.
Otherwise, is honey vegan?
Is honey vegan?
Anybody, can anybody help me?
It's honey vegan?
Oh no, have I just thrown that dish away?
It wasn't the best thing here,
but have I just thrown it away?
Have I just ruined it?
Oh no, okay.
Finish with the brussels and they're done.
I think we're doing okay.
If honey is vegan, I give myself an eight.
If it is not vegan I give myself zero.
Ben!
(upbeat music)
(horn blaring)
- Remember, remember, remember Christmas joy.
Okay, it looks like every person has contributed something
different and I like the look of most of it.
Maybe not the pigs and blankets.
Carnage, carnage, carnage.
What is there, what can I add?
This is, ha.
(upbeat music)
I'm worried about a couple of things here.
I also saw this, I'm hoping that hasn't been used.
Amarula is definitely not vegan.
I'm just grabbing a whole bunch of stuff
'cause the theme here now is just loads
of stuff is going on and we're gonna put loads
of small dishes on the table to share,
but I've only got a few minutes to add to it.
So I'm only gonna add little things that cook quickly.
Very tempting to throw butter around the veggie dishes.
But we must not do that today.
Oil is fine.
Mushrooms, garlic, we normally have a meat centrepiece.
I think somebody has provided that for us
in the form of some vegan pigs in blankets.
And I can only presume there's one person that's done that.
(heavily panting)
To think that's our centrepiece.
It's not, I can't, it cannot be our centrepiece.
Our braised cabbage is looking okay, the cabbage is cooked.
It's got some so tars in, I'm adding a bit more
sweetness in the form of caramelised onion marmalade.
That's gonna achieve that for us.
But alone, that would be too sweet.
So a little bit of vinegar, it's like sweet and
sour red cabbage.
I like the fact it's got the dried fruit in there,
and that is now side dish number two.
This is lots and lots of almost buffet style family
service and I kind of like it.
One, two, some rosemary, quite cabbage heavy.
I bought some chestnuts 'cause they are a wonderful
ingredient at Christmas.
A handful crumbled into these mushrooms.
Lovely, salt and heavy on pepper.
I hope that pan is now really hot 'cause into it we're gonna
go with savoy cabbage and I'm thinking of vegetable
side dish called chucrute.
I think it's traditionally sausage or charcuterie
meats in sauerkraut.
So we can achieve exactly that with our, yeah.
(sizzling)
Okay, two and a half minutes.
Some thinking time now.
We make a very simple chucrute dish.
I know what's missing from
that, a little bit of, but I did see spring onions.
So there's four of us
at the table and traditionally it would have sausage
or charcuterie through it.
So that is the option
because there's no way I'm serving that as a centrepiece.
Oh they're not great.
They are not great.
(upbeat music)
40 seconds.
(upbeat music)
(horn blaring)
That is my time up.
I'm quite hot under this hat
but I'm gonna score myself eight elves out of 10.
If you are enjoying this, there are some small
things you can do that make a big difference to us.
Like the video, subscribe, if you aren't,
click the notification bell and select all.
Thanks.
- We've all got our sleeves rolled up.
- It's 'cause it's hot in here.
- It's done a lot of hard work.
- Who does cooking in a jumper?
- Why are there three dishes?
- Oh my goodness, I'm so nervous about this.
I really went down a road.
- We're here to spread Christmas joy and I think we
have quite a spread.
- Three, two, one.
(dishes clanking)
- We only have three dishes so I to put right.
- [Barry] Okay, interesting, you've gone
for Christmas tapas?
- No.
- Or, or, or crapas.
(laughing)
- This might be the first time I've ever started
something first and it's ended up onto the....
Someone's performed a Christmas miracle.
- Why is there a satin roll up in the cabbage?
- I think these were meant to be pigs and blankets,
aren't they Jamie?
(laughing)
- That is amazing.
I'm so happy that you are here.
- Tell you what, this braised cabbage is very nice.
- I think the cauliflower is cooked really well.
I think the sauce is less saucy,
it's more kind of like bread sauce, it's like bread sauce.
- Oh yeah, the gravy.
- Oh the gravy.
You know what, I think I learned something.
Is bestow gravy vegan?
- No.
- I had no idea.
- Did you really?
- [Jamie] Yeah, it was on the table so I presumed...
- No, but probably so was this, I walked into the kitchen
and somebody brought that across,
and that's definitely not vegan, as is the honey.
So I'm glad they weren't used.
- [Mike] Flipping hell.
Oh that's quite nice.
As if this wasn't hard enough.
I like that the food team still tried to shaft us
by putting non-vegan stuff on the table.
There is vegan cheese in a pot on the table.
- I actually like the fact that we
we pummelling our own nuts to get there.
- In fairness, in fairness...
(laughing)
- What?
(upbeat music)
(beeping)
- We're getting waved at by the food team, sweetness.
- It was just to kinda give it a lift.
It was all the seasoning triangle.
So a bit of vinegar, salt tartars, the Christmasy flavours,
a bit of honey, then mixed it up and...
- No!
- So that was used.
- Did you use?
- Didn't you do this last time?
In here.
- So we have to completely discount,
this is not vegan.
- I, I apologise, that's my screw up.
Sorry all vegans.
- Oh my gosh, that was so close.
But it's delicious though, isn't it?
(chuckling)
I mean as long as the beans are looked after well.
- That's the best tasting of the five.
And it didn't need the honey.
It had the red onion marmalade, chutney thing.
- Well, scoring time.
I gave myself a five 'cause I thought I ventured
in a place where no one else would realise.
And it's a fail because that's got bees in it.
(laughing)
- I went for 7.93, 'cause I thought the fact
that I got that at the end, I was so happy.
- I'd give you a 10.
- And not only that, I managed to do a couple
of other things at the same time.
They were all vegan.
I'm tempted to give that a pass.
- But we wouldn't be even questioning this
if some idiot hadn't put honey in it.
- No, no, no.
- If honey is vegan, I get an eight.
- Well, that's not a question.
- If it's not, I got a zero.
If I played that as one portion
it's missing that dimension.
So I think it's a fail.
- So I score myself quite generously with an eight.
- Do you gift to yourself generously on Christmas day?
- Well, if somebody has to.
(laughing)
I think it's clutching at a pass.
- Ooh.
- I think there is an element of joy to this.
I'm not sure it's joyous, but I'm saying pass, just.
- We're straight down the line, so we can't decide.
So it's over to you in the comments.
Do you agree with me and Ben or
with idiot and Mike, let us know in the
comments down below.
- And a huge thank you to Fiverr and Jack for the sprinkling
of holiday magic that they brought to this episode.
- If you wanna use Fiverr yourself
and grab 10% off, there's a link downstairs.
You can go try yourself and use the code.
- So close to a miracle.
But happy, happy holidays.
Merry Christmas regardless.
- Merry Christmas.
- There's, there's an element
of joy and we've had fun.