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[TEXT: DEMOCRACY, PROSPERITY, HUMAN RIGHTS, EDUCATION, SECURITY A PRODUCTION OF U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE]
I'm Joni Rae.
[TEXT: Joni Rae, CEO of The Mindset Group, Organizational Change Expert] For 15 years I've helped leaders and organizations
navigate change and embody their visions every single day.
I believe that transformed individuals, teams,
and organizations operating at their highest potential
is critical to teaching the next generation
how to create positive impact.
And for adults and youth, that includes managing
and resolving conflict.
Understanding conflict and how you approach it is critical
to being an effective coach and mentor to youth
in your community.
[TEXT: Developing, Mentoring and Supporting Youth Leadership: Strategies for Personal Conflict Resolution] Welcome to Developing, Mentoring,
and Supporting Youth Leadership.
This lesson is Strategies for Personal Conflict Resolution.
[TEXT: LEARNING OBJECTIVES: STRATEGIES FOR PERSONAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION] In this lesson, we are going to walk through
[TEXT: What is conflict?] what conflict is, what it isn't,
[TEXT: How to manage conflict. How to resolve conflict.] and how to best go about managing and resolving it.
Conflict resolution may not be one of your favorite topics.
Now the word conflict already starts to throw us off.
What comes to mind right away
when you hear the word conflict?
[TEXT: Scary, Not fun, Hassle, Necessity] Scary, not fun, a hassle, a necessity,
[TEXT: Something I'd rather avoid] something I'd rather avoid,
[TEXT: Something I need to tackle head on] something I need to tackle head on.
Whatever you're thinking about conflict,
I'd like you to consider one thing.
Your preconceived notions are coming from past experiences
you may have had with conflict,
what you were taught in the past about conflict
and ultimately the beliefs you determined
about conflict over time.
Maybe conflict left you emotionally drained
with regrets, or maybe conflict is something
you'd rather not deal with at all.
Well, I'm here to tell you
that there is a completely different even transformative way
of thinking about conflict.
How you think is going to completely
determine your success with conflict.
Why?
Because your beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes
shape and determine your reality.
Since this is the case, we're going to spend some time
discussing the default conflict mindset
versus the desired conflict mindset.
[TEXT: The default conflict mindset] The default conflict mindset.
There are many different ways we can approach conflict.
A few key ways are by avoiding it,
[TEXT: Avoiding it, Competing with it, Accommodating it] competing with it, and accommodating it.
As you work with young leaders in your community,
ask them to think through
which one they most identify with.
Be sure to tell them
they weren't born with any of these categories.
These behaviors were learned and taught
at a very young age and their past beliefs
about conflict continue to be reinforced.
Be sure to go over all the exercises
in this lesson with yourself first before you facilitate
conversations with the leaders you are working with.
It's best for you to be self-aware of your own beliefs,
thoughts and actions so that you can use yourself
and your insights as examples as you train others.
Now let's briefly go over these default ways
to think about conflict.
[TEXT: The Avoider] The avoider.
Do you run away from conflict?
Does conflict make you feel extremely uncomfortable?
Have you tried confronting conflict
in the past with results you weren't happy with?
Do you just want everyone to get along at all times?
Do you walk the other way when people are in conflict?
[TEXT: The Competitor] The competitor.
Do you have to be right?
Do you use reason and logic in all arguments
so that you can show your point of view is valid?
Do you prefer to not back down from a fight?
Do you keep the conflict going for as long
as it takes for you to make your view seen and heard?
Do you like arguing?
[TEXT: The Accommodator] The accommodator.
Do you engage in conversations where there is disagreement,
but always leave the conversation allowing the other person
or people to have their way?
In the end does it seem like other people are always
satisfied while you are left with not feeling satisfied?
Do you not like speaking up in groups?
Would you rather just let majority rule
and keep the conversation going?
It's okay if you don't closely identify
with any of these as options
or if you feel like you align with two maybe all three
at times. Most likely, however, one of these will be more
prevalent than the other two.
For this exercise, identify the behavior
you most align with most of the time.
Now let's discuss the desired conflict mindset,
and after that we'll talk about specific things
you can apply immediately to turn conflict
into something that will benefit everyone.
[TEXT: The Desired Conflict Mindset] The desired conflict mindset.
Before we dive into the desired conflict mindset,
we first need to dismantle the word conflict.
Instead of it being something bad, wrong,
something to avoid or a debate we love to engage with,
let's see if we can redefine conflict all together
with a brand new lens and perspective.
What if instead conflict
was an opportunity for something great to happen?
What if we can look at conflict and instead of running away
from it or getting ready to put on our boxing gloves,
we welcomed the conflict with open arms and an appreciation.
As uncomfortable as conflict may be and as unnatural
it may feel to welcome conflict, this is the muscle
we must exercise in order for conflict to benefit us.
Now let's redefine conflict
and move forward with a new shared understanding.
[TEXT: "Productive conflict" an open exchange of] Productive conflict is defined as an open exchange
[TEXT: conflicting or differing ideas in which parties feel] of conflicting or differing ideas in which parties
[TEXT: equally heard, respected, and unafraid] feel equally heard, respected and unafraid
[TEXT: to voice dissenting opinions for the purpose of] to voice dissenting opinions for the purpose
[TEXT: reaching a mutually comfortable resolution.] of reaching a mutually comfortable resolution.
Let's break down our new definition.
[TEXT: an open exchange of conflicting or differing ideas] An open exchange of conflicting or differing ideas.
This means we are all going into the conflict
with the understanding that we are going
into a conversation knowing that people's views
will be different.
Now, imagine if we were okay with this going in.
Instead of being taken aback,
feeling threatened, or combative,
just know that the differences in opinion will happen
and that's okay.
[TEXT: in which parties feel equally heard, respected] In which parties feel equally heard, respected,
[TEXT: and unafraid to voice dissenting opinions] and unafraid to voice dissenting opinions.
If there is a rule that everyone feels safe and respected
to voice their differing and maybe unpopular opinion,
then people will be more inclined to open up.
Having a neutral and trusted person present
to create and monitor these rules is preferred to ensure
everyone is heard.
If you're leading youth in this discussion, that's you.
[TEXT: for the purpose of reaching a mutually] For the purpose of reaching a mutually
[TEXT: comfortable resolution] comfortable resolution. Let's agree to disagree,
but let's also know that the goal
is to come up with a way to move forward.
If people are just arguing for the sake of arguing
and being right, then there's no way to ensure
that everyone will walk away with a clear understanding.
Now that we have redefined conflict
with a brand new perspective,
let's talk about essential ingredients
for successful conflict resolution.
[TEXT: 5 strategies for successful conflict resolution] Five strategies for successful conflict resolution.
[TEXT: Be empathetic and practice active listening.] First be empathetic and practice active listening.
Help the other person
feel like you actually understand them.
Repeat what they are saying.
It makes them feel like you hear them.
Acknowledge and say what they are most committed to.
Why are they in the conversation?
And what is most important to them?
[TEXT: Give feedback constructively.] Give feedback constructively and in a way it can be heard.
First, say something that is going well,
then say what is not working,
finally end with something else going well.
Avoid using the word should.
People tend to get defensive.
Instead of telling people what they should do, use phrases
like have you thought of, or you may want to consider,
or I recommend.
[TEXT: Take responsibility.] Get out of the blame game and take responsibility.
Acknowledge what you could have done better,
what you have learned or apologize if needed.
This will diffuse any emotions
and help the other person calm down.
[TEXT: Find neutral locations for conversations.] Finding neutral locations for the conversations is key.
Avoid speaking in a location
that a person is used to or accustomed to.
Choose locations for these conversations
in a neutral place.
[TEXT: Don't take anything personally.] And finally, don't take anything personally.
[TEXT: Stay committed to the goal.] Stay committed to the goal.
Remember everything that is said is not personal.
Stay committed to the outcome of walking away
with a mutual plan and way ahead.
Being able to understand the default conflict mindset,
finding the desired conflict mindset
and using basic strategies for resolving conflict
will help you guide youth in your community
to positive outcomes.
[TEXT: For more on this course and to access related resources,] For more on this course and to access related resources,
[TEXT: visit us on the web.] visit us on the web.
[TEXT: DEMOCRACY, PROSPERITY, HUMAN RIGHTS, EDUCATION, SECURITY. A PRODUCTION OF U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE]