♪
>> Jimmy: SHE IS MATTER TO
GRANTS AND WELCOMES LOSERS AND
CHAMPS FIRST LADY AND HEALTHCARE
AID IN CHIEF JILL BIDEN WAS IN
DALLAS SUNDAY NIGHT WHEN THE LSU
WOMEN’S BASKETBALL TEAM WON THE
NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP.
NOT TO WORRY JOE WAS SAFELY
TETHERED TO A TREE IN THE ROSE
GARDEN.
BUT THEN ON MONDAY THINGS GOT
REALLY INTERESTING WHEN JILL
SUGGESTED THAT BOTH THE WINNERS
AND THE LOSERS SHOULD GET AN
INVITE TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
ROLL TAPE.
>> SO CONGRATULATIONS TO BOTH
TEAMS.
SO I KNOW WE’LL HAVE THE
CHAMPIONS COME TO THE WHITE
HOUSE, WE ALWAYS DO.
SO, YOU KNOW, WE’LL HAVE LSU
COME BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I’M GOING TO TELL JOE, I THINK
IOWA SHOULD COME, TOO.
BECAUSE THEY PLAYED SUCH A GOOD
GAME.
>> Jimmy: COME ON, JILL.
THE WHITE HOUSE IS NO PLACE FOR
LADIES WHO FINISH SECOND.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE].
>> Jimmy:.
>> Jimmy: BUT LOOK AT ON IT THE
BRIGHT SIDE AT LEAST NONE OF THE
WOMEN IS A DUDE.
FOR HER PART DR. JILL DID END UP
WALKING BACK THE IDEA BUT I
GUESS THE WOKE LIBERAL WORLD OF
THE BIDENS, EVERYONE’S A WINNER.
♪
WE ARE ALL CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS
♪
AND EVERYONE GETS A
PARTICIPATION TROPHY IN THE END
♪
OH, WE ARE ALL CHAMPIONS
ACCORDING TO JILL BIDEN
♪
PLENTY OF TIME FOR LOSERS, ’CAUSE WE ARE ALL CHAMPIONS
’CAUSE WE ARE ALL CHAMPIONS
I’M GONNA HURL
♪
>> Jimmy: NOW KAT I’M GOING TO
GO RIGHT IN WITH YOU ON THIS.
ISN’T IT A LITTLE FASCINATING
JILL WILL INVITE TWO ENTIRE
WOMEN’S BASKETBALL TEAMS BUT
WON’T INVITE ONE HUNTER STRIPPER
BABY?
OH, YEAH, I DID IT.
ANYWAY.
I DID, I WENT RIGHT THERE.
GO AHEAD
>> Kat: THAT WAS IMPORTANT TO
YOU.
>> Jimmy: IT WAS.
>> Kat: I, OH, I WOULD ACTUALLY
BE SUPER MAD IF I WAS ON EITHER
TEAM BECAUSE YOU’RE TELLING THEM
OH, YOU PLAYED A GOOD GAME TOO,
THAT SO PATRONIZING.
WHEN I DON’T DO A GOOD JOB I
KNOW IT WHEN I’M COMPLAINING I
HATE MYSELF AND I WISH I DIDN’T
AND I SUCK, LET ME DO THAT.
DON’T DO YOU DID A GREAT TRY I’M
AN ADULT WOMEN AND THESE ARE ALL
ADULT WOMEN.
DON’T PRETEND OH, YOU STILL
PLAYED A GREAT GAME.
WELL, THEY WANTED THE GAME THAT
WOULD BE THE WON WHERE THEY WON
AND THEY DIDN’T HAVE THAT SO
YOU’RE NOT MAKING THEM FEEL
BETTER.
>> Jimmy: LET ME BUILD ON THIS
MORGAN, IS IT POSSIBLE SHE’S
ACTUALLY DOING THIS TO HELP JOE
AND PREPARE HIM FOR LOSING IN
2024.
>> Morgan: IF HE EVEN RUNS HE
HASN’T ANNOUNCED’S RUNNING YET.
I AGREE WITH KAT, THE
PARTICIPATION TROPHY THING MY
DAD NEVER LET ME GET AWAY WITH
IT WHEN WE WERE KIDS.
WE PLAYED SOFTBALL AND MY TWIN
SISTER AND I WERE REALLY BAD AND
IF WE DID POORLY OR LOST HE WAS
LIKE, YOU GUYS SUCK.
MAYBE TAKE EXPLAINS A LOT ABOUT
ME NOW.
I’M ALSO WONDERING IF THERE’S
ANYONE IN ADMINISTRATION THAT
DOESN’T RAMBLE INCOHERENTLY ON
THE NATIONAL STAGE.
SOMEBODY HAS TO GET IT TOGETHER.
>> Jimmy: YOUR DAD WAS BETTER
THAN MINE WHEN I LOST IN LITTLE
LEAGUE HE WAS LIKE I LOST MONEY
ON THIS [BLEEP].
CALL YOURSELF A TEE BALL TEAM
>> GUY DO YOU EXPECT BETTER THAN
THIS FROM A HIGHLY EDUCATED
DOCTOR LIKE JILL BIDEN.
>> Guy: MEDICAL DOCTOR.
I THINK THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO
WOULD WANT IOWA TO BE AT THE
WHITE HOUSE FOR THAT CEREMONY
LESS THAN LSU IS IOWA.
I DON’T THINK THEY WOULD WANT TO
BE THERE.
IT WOULD BE HUMILIATING TO HAVE
A PAT ON THE HEAD AS A RUNNER UP
AND WE’RE ALL WINNERS HERE.
THEY WOULD HE EVER IF DO THAT IN
MEN’S SPORTS AND IOWA WANTS NO
PART SO IF THE IOWA HAWKEYES
WANT TO GUARANTEE THEY WON’T GET
INVITED TO THE WHITE HOUSE THEY
SHOULD CLAIM THE GAME WAS RIGGED
AND THEY’RE THE ACTUAL
CHAMPIONS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Jimmy: WOW, THAT’S IOWA AND
COACH KARI LAKE?
IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE TELLING ME?
KARI WE LOVE YOU.
IS THIS SECRETLY JOE BIDEN’S
DOING BECAUSE HE WANTS TWO HEADS
OF WOMEN’S HAIR TO SNIFF?
>> Brian: I THINK YOU’RE BEING
UNFAIR BECAUSE YOU’RE TALKING
ABOUT IOWA AS THE LOSERS BUT
THEY IDENTIFY AS THE WINNERS OF
THE TOURNAMENT SO THEY HAVE
EVERY RIGHT TO BE THERE YOU NEED
TO BE MORE INCLUSIVE.
>> Jimmy: SHAME ON YOU.
WHERE WOULD YOU RATHER GO RIGHT
NOW, THE WHITE HOUSE OR WAFFLE
HOUSE I
>> Kat: I WOULD GET MORE
ATTENTION AT THE WHITE HOUSE BUT
I WOULD HAVE BETTER TIME AT THE
WAFFLE HOUSE.
>> IF WE WENT TO THE WHITE HOUSE
WE WOULD GET ATTENTION FROM
SECURITY IF WE WENT TO WAFFLE
HOUSE WE WOULD GET ATTENTION
FROM OUR FANS.
ALL RIGHT YOU’RE A SPORTS FAN
I’M A SPORTS FAN.
WE ARE CHEAPENING THE VALUE OF
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY WHEN WE
ERODE MERIT FROM SPORTS.
BECAUSE KIDS LEARN MERIT THROUGH
THE CRUSHING SENSE OF DEFEAT.
SO IF YOU TAKE IT AWAY FROM THEM
IT’S NOT A WONDER THEY’LL GROW
UP TO WANT THEIR STUDENT LOANS
FOR GIVING OR SOMETHING ELSE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EARNING SOMETHING IS THE BEST
WAY TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF,
PEOPLE WANT MAKE A CONTRIBUTION.
IF YOU COME UP SECOND AND
SOMEBODY SAYS, WELL, THAT’S JUST
AS GOOD AS YOU SO WHY DON’T YOU
COME TO THE WHITE HOUSE, WHAT
ARE YOU GOING FOR EXAMPLE TO
WALK AWAY FEELING LIKE?
I’M A SECOND PLACE KIND OF
PERSON, I THINK GUY NAILED IT.
>> IT WOULD BE LIKE CALLING
JIMMY KIMMEL THE KING OF LATE
NIGHT.
IT’S JUST NOT RIGHT.
>> THAT’S JUST PANDERING.
>> Jimmy: SPOT ON.