Dr.. Ivan Ostril when exposed to bad video games it transforms into the shovel werewolf
Having hired Ivan a therapist the company resumes their bio experiments on him
Researching the effects of shovelware no matter the cost
Come to be the bearer of bad games
For the last time.
You're leaving and here I thought we were becoming best friends
Ivan I I wanted to help you, but the company has decided to take a different approach
One that doesn't include me
You know, you were the only one here that ever cared about me
What horrible game did the company send this time?
Duke Nukem... Forever
You should leave, I won't be able to fight this for long
Ivan. I'm sorry.
It's time to transform and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of gum
[animal howling]
Time to stop pissing around and get this big guy back into action
It's like the game designers are explicitly stating you're in for a crappy game, get it?
Oh look, menial tasks I can do in real life how exhilarating
Mr. Newcomb will you sign this for me?
Sure kid, but I better not find this on eBay
Really, this guy knows how to spell his name
Honey, I shrunk the dudebro. Hmm.
I know right where I'd stick him.
Please tell me it's in a better game
Someone got their janky driving game in my even jankier shooting game.
Alright time for my reward
Can the game end, can that be my reward?
I'm sure, that's supposed to be tongue in cheek, but given what I seen so far. I'm honestly not sure
[Noises of frustration and anger]
Time for some roid rage
As I suspected this game only becomes playable after you've done a bunch of drugs
They're taking our women Duke.
Lucky ducks, they get to be free of a world where this game exists. Come take the werewolves next!
Duke! We got your green power armor over here!
That would be funnier if it didn't just make me wish I were playing Halo
Seriously how is this making me miss Goldeneye: Rogue Agent?
Sure, it was a turd, but at least it was a golden covered turd. This game's just a turd covered turd.
Now what?
Speaking of turds?
The one truly being humiliated here is me.
Ugh
Hey Duke, want to play me in air-hockey?
Sure anything to distract me from the campaign
Ah, minigames how I missed you
It's like they knew this game wasn't fun. Even in the middle of making it
I'm starting to think these were legitimately put here to distract the player from
how egregiously horrible the actual game is
I mean these aren't even fun
but popping popcorn is literally more exciting than the story mode.
Ah, that gives me an idea
Prepare to be nuked Duke
[mischevious laughter]
Huh? Hey!
What are you doing? Stop!
Please!
No!
Hello Ivan sorry about the gas
But we had a special delivery for you and things looked like they were starting to get out of hand in there
We thought it was about time you got a new console and a Zelda game to go along with it
Enjoy
[scream of agony]
Hey, uh listen Duke
We're gonna have to let you go, HRs been getting a lot of complaints lately
Seeing you're too hands on for this job, on top of that
We, uh, also have security footage of you pulling a turd out of a toilet
And that's really not what we're looking for in this company. You're fired Duke, go home!