Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘You can't be serious, this is like a crazy nightmare’
How do you elevate a standard 1940s B Movie potboiler into something worth watching?
‘Don’t laugh’
Yes it’s DC favourite Bela Lugosi Legend in Bowery at Midnight
‘You’ve no idea what a mysterious fondness I have for that man’
which sees him in unfamiliar surroundings running a soup kitchen.
I guess even Dracula wants to give something back to the community.
‘A flophouse for a blind’
But this is just a front that Lugosi uses to recruit criminals to help him pull off ambitious heists
'Mr. Straton, don't be so rude.'
and because he has a constant source of fresh blood Lugosi has a unique pension policy for his employees.
'Please don't kill me, give me a chance...'
#Gun shot#
So if, for instance, he needs to create a diversion...
It’s actually very clever, but…
‘Never saw a guy with more angles’
Boy is that true. As well as running a soup kitchen and a criminal gang Lugosi is a loving husband,
and an actor with a new film out.
He's also a respected psychology professor.
‘Is that all?’
with a student who goes undercover in his soup kitchen.
‘I’m afraid you’ve mistakne me young man’
With predictable results.
'What are you thinking?'
'You're mad, insane!'
Don’t worry, he was an asshole.
‘I want you to give up this silly job. Saving humanity; it’s ridiculous’
Then there’s the police.
‘I kinda hate to retire’
Gee I hope I don’t get shot.
#Gun shot#
His replacement is played by Dave O’Brien, who also played the hero opposite Lugosi in The Devil Bat,
'You bet I do.'
but don’t worry, he’s much less annoying this.
‘So far you are correct’
In Devil bat I hoped he’d get killed, in this I’m completely indifferent, which is a big step up.
'Sure'
If all this wasn’t enough, there’s also the drunk doctor Lugosi keeps in the basement,
‘I’m still a great doctor and I’ll prove it’
who has his own little hobby,
‘I’ll save you Strachan, save you from death’
Unbeknownst to Lugosi, he’s brought all his boss’s victims back to life and keeps them in a hole.
'Hungry eh? well you shall have food.'
Clearly aware that that’s a lot to tie up in a 61 minute movie the consensus seems to have been; why bother?
‘That’s ridiculous’
Lugosi is killed by the resurrected men.
Which seems to satisfy the police.
'That takes care of the professor.'
How the doctor brought the men back to life is never addressed,
nor does anyone make any comment on what surely ought to be the medical discovery of the millennium.
‘Gee you’re smart to figure all this out’
But it seems to be pretty effective as our lucky heroine is reunited with her asshole boyfriend
'Can't you do anything besides say 'Yes Richard.''
'Yes Richard.'
Which, unless they are planning a sequel called I married a Zombie, is just a little bit creepy.'
'You must be joking'
I really wish he'd stayed dead.
So is there anything good about this movie?
Well it’s inspired us to create a new segment entitled ‘BELA LUGOSI MAKES PERFECTLY INNOCENT LINES SEEM UTTERLY TERRIFYING’
‘You are welcome my friend’
‘How about feeding your hungry husband’
‘I’m your friend’
‘I like to bring old friends together’
‘To remind you of my love’
‘And I have a surprise for you too’
Man’s got a gift.
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