IGNORING
IGNORING DIFFERENCES IN ADOPTIVE FAMILIES. I WAS THE FIRST PERSON OF COLOR
MOST PEOPLE IN MY TOWN HAD EVER
SEEN KIM LONG LIVES IN
SHORELINE, BUT THAT IS NOT WHERE
SHE GREW UP IN SOLON, IOWA,
WHICH IS A TOWN OF 1,100 PEOPLE
IN SOUTHEAST, IOWA AND I GREW UP
ON A 200-ACRE HOG FARM. SO MY
CULTURE IS LITERALLY APPLE PIE
WEENIE ROASTS AND FISH FRIES AND
APPLE PIE AND FISH FRIES IN IOWA
CULTURAL POINTS THAT HAVE
NOTHING TO DO WITH WHERE SHE WAS
BORN IN KOREA.
IN THE EARLY 80S KIM WAS ADOPTED
BY A WHITE FAMILY WAS TWO YEARS
OLD WHEN I WAS GIVEN UP AND IT
GOES LIKE A COLLEGE LOVE CHILD.
AND THEN I WAS IN FOSTER CARE
AND THE ORPHANAGE IN PUSAN FOR
SIX MONTHS AND THEN I CAME TO
THE US ONCE AGAIN AN ORPHAN
AIRLIFT TOUCHES DOWN AT PORTLAND
BRINGING A GROUP OF 24 KOREAN
AMERICAN WAR WAVES FOR ADOPTION
INTO AMERICAN HOMES BECAUSE OF
THE KOREAN WAR.
THERE ARE MORE KOREAN ADOPTEES
LIKE KIM IN THE U.S.
THAN ANY OTHER GROUP AN EFFORT
STARTED RIGHT HERE IN THE
PACIFIC NORTHWEST YET EVEN AFTER
FIVE DECADES ADOPTEES LIKE HER
STILL FACED DISCRIMINATION
EXPERIENCES HER FAMILY IN IOWA
DIDN'T SHARE AND DIDN'T HELP HER
PREPARE FOR WHEN YOU WERE
GROWING UP.
DID YOU EVER FEEL OUT OF PLACE?
ALL OF THE TIME RIGHT?
LIKE I KNEW THAT ANSWER AND IT'S
STILL HAPPENING KIM.
JUST HAD HER FIRST BABY JUNIPER
AND AT THE VERY FIRST VISIT TO
THE PEDIATRICIAN A
MICROAGGRESSION A SUBTLE
DISCRIMINATORY ACT SMACKED HER
IN THE FACE THE OFFICE STAFF
ASSUMED HER NAME WASN'T KIM LONG
AND THEY ACTUALLY CHANGED IT TO
KIM WONG.
NO, WE'RE WE'RE ON OUR ON OUR
RECORDS WAS THEY'RE LONG.
I'M KIM LONG AS I IS A GERMAN
NAME.
ACTUALLY.
NAME. ACTUALLY. IT'S FOR MY PARENTS AND THEN
THEY CLOCKED ME AND CHANGED IT
ONLY FOR ME TO KIMBERLY WANG
THAT RACIST ASSUMPTION IS THE
TYPE OF ENCOUNTER HER FAMILY
BACK IN IOWA DIDN'T REALIZE THEY
NEEDED TO HELP HER NAVIGATE BACK
THEN ADOPTION AGENCIES TOLD
FAMILIES TO RAISE A CHILD
IGNORING DIFFERENCES AND THE
CULTURES THEY CAME FROM WE
DIDN'T HAVE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT
RACE.
WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT.
WE DIDN'T, YOU KNOW SAY HEY,
WERE THERE ANY MICROAGGRESSIONS
THAT HAPPENED AT ALA WASN'T A
THING THAT WE EVER TALKED ABOUT
RIGHT?
IT WAS ASSIMILATED ASSIMILATE
ASSIMILATE PRETEND LIKE THERE'S
NO DIFFERENCE.
IT'S HARD TO WALK AROUND EVERY
DAY AND HAVE PEOPLE SEE A BLACK
WOMAN BUT FOR ME NOT TO EVEN
FEEL LIKE A BLACK WOMAN A WHITE
FAMILY IN BELLINGHAM ADOPTED
ANGELA TUCKER OUT OF FOSTER CARE
ONE OF THE BIG POINTS THAT I
HAVE HIGHLIGHTED IS YOU SAID ME
TELLING THEM THAT I'M ADOPTED.
IT'S NOT GOING TO HELP HELP ME
AND IT WON'T HELP THEM.
UNDERSTAND ME EITHER.
SHE'S NOW A TRANSRACIAL ADOPTION
SPECIALIST WHO HELPS ADOPTEES
ACROSS THE COUNTRY EMBRACED
THEIR UNIQUE STORIES.
IT'S REALLY DANGEROUS FOR BLACK
AND BROWN TRANSRACIAL ADOPTEES
TO NOT EMBRACE THEIR BLACKNESS
AND UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS
IN THE CONTEXT OF TODAY'S WORLD
OKAY JUDY SHE MEANS IF YOU ARE
AN ADOPTEE WHO'S BEEN
ASSIMILATED ILL-PREPARED FOR HOW
THE OUTSIDE WORLD MAY PERCEIVE
YOU IT COULD COST YOU YOUR LIFE
I AM MENTORING A TRANSLATIONALLY
ADOPTED 13 YEAR OLD GIRL WHO
LIVES IN A PREDOMINANTLY WHITE
SPACE AND SHE TOLD ME THIS
REALLY INTERESTING STORY AFTER
GEORGE FLOYD WAS MURDERED.
SHE HAD GONE TO HANG OUT WITH A
GIRLFRIEND WHO IS ALSO A BLACK
FRIEND WITH BLACK PARENTS IS NOT
ADOPTED AND THAT FRIENDS PARENTS
WAS GIVING HER THE TALK A
LECTURE ABOUT HOW TO ACT AROUND
THE POLICE AND MY MENTEE WAS
WITNESSING THAT AND BE LIKE,
WOW, HER PARENTS ARE REALLY
COMING COMING DOWN ON HER HARD.
IN A WAY THAT WAS LOVING STILL
AND THEN SHE WENT BACK TO HER
HOUSE AND HER WHITE PARENTS WERE
REALLY HESITANT TO TALK ABOUT
GEORGE FLOYD OR POLICE BRUTALITY
AND WHEN THEY DID SHE SAID THEY
TALKED ABOUT IT WITH KIND OF
TEARS IN THEIR EYES AND THIS IS
SAID I'M SO SORRY THAT THIS IS
THE REALITY.
I'M SO SORRY.
THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH
THIS AND SO THIS MY MENTEE WAS
RECOGNIZING AND SAID TO ME LIKE,
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M PREPARED TO
BE A BLACK WOMAN AND SOCIETY AS
I GROW UP BECAUSE MY PARENTS
AREN'T TELLING ME.
THE SAME LEVEL OF THE TRUTH OF
WHAT I SAW MY BLACK FRIEND AND
BLACK PARENTS TELLER THOUGHT
THAT WAS REALLY INSIGHTFUL AND
ALMOST ALMOST UNAVOIDABLE WHICH
IS WHY I RECOMMEND THAT WHITE
PARENTS OF BLACK KIDS OUTSOURCE
SOME OF THE PARENTING DUTIES.
SO I DO THINK THAT THAT IS A
VERY INTERESTING POINT TO TRY TO
OUTSOURCE SOME OF THE PARENTING
BUT THEN IT'S PRETTY TRICKY
RIGHT RICKY BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE
LIKE, WELL, IT'S LIKE I'M HIRING
THE HELP LINK GO FIND A BLACK
PERSON AND FOR SOME.
WHITE ADOPTIVE PARENTS THEY
DON'T HAVE A COMMUNITY AROUND
THEM THAT IS DIVERSE SO THEY
DON'T HAVE LIKE A GOOD FRIEND OR
A NEIGHBOR THAT THEY CAN ASK TO
COME CHAT WITH MIKE AND ABOUT
THIS OR THAT THAT'S ALSO
PROBLEMATIC IF YOU DON'T HAVE
THOSE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIVES AND
YOU REALLY HAVE TO LOOK SEEK
THEM OUT, THEN THAT ALSO TELLS
ME THAT YOUR WORLD ISN'T DIVERSE
WHICH THAT IS NOT SAFE FOR THE
KIDS.
YOU YOU CAN LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.
YOU CAN STILL PARTICIPATE STATE
IN THEIR OPPRESSION THROUGH THE
LANGUAGE YOU USE ANGELA'S LATEST
PROJECT LAUNCHED DURING THE
PANDEMIC IS HER PODCAST CALLED
THE ADOPTING NEXT DOOR.
IT SHEDS LIGHT ON TOPICS LIKE
BIRTH REUNIONS AND MENTAL HEALTH
AND NOW THE VERY HOT TOPIC OF
ADOPTIVE PARENTS AS WHITE
SAVIORS THE IDEA THAT WHITE
FAMILIES ARE PIERO'S FOR
ADOPTING CHILDREN WHO ARE OFTEN
POOR AND OF COLOR.
OH, WELL YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN UM
GROWING UP IN ABJECT POVERTY.
AND HERE YOU ARE THIS WONDERFUL
LIFE THAT I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU
WHILE COMPLETELY IGNORING THAT
THEY ARE NOT GOING TO EXPERIENCE
THE WORLD THE WAY YOU DO BUT MY
WORK I'M TRYING SO HARD TO SAY.
WHO ARE ADOPTEES?
OUTSIDE OF WHAT THEIR PARENTS
DID OR THOUGHT OR DIDN'T DO OR
SAID, YOU KNOW WORK BEING DONE
NOW IN THE ADOPTION COMMUNITY
TRIES TO HONOR THE LIVES
ADOPTEES ACTUALLY LIVE FLOATING
BETWEEN IDENTITIES AND
NAVIGATING A WORLD.
THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS SEE THEM FOR
WHO THEY REALLY ARE.
KIM SAYS SHE'LL MAKE SURE HER
DAUGHTER IS RAISED DIFFERENTLY
AND IT STARTS WITH TALKING ABOUT
RACE.
I ABSOLUTELY WILL DO THAT WITH
JUNIPER BECAUSE I THINK NOT
TALKING ABOUT IT WAS THE PROBLEM
KIM LONG ISN'T WAITING AROUND
FOR THE WORLD TO CHANGE.
SHE'S MAKING SURE SHE'S SEEN FOR
WHO SHE REALLY IS EVEN WITH
SOMETHING AS SMALL AS A DOCTOR'S
BILL THE ONE ADDRESSED TO KIM
WONG I SAW HIM.
THAT BILL BY THE WAY, I JUST I
CAN'T I'M NOT A PERSON DOESN'T
PAY BILLS AND I JUST CAN'T SEND
HIM THE CHECK.