Now for a short story.
Actor James McAvoy-- uh, you might know him--
he's been revealed that he's turned--
he's been turned down for a number of movies
because of his height.
Not that pose?
-I like it, dude. -Not for that outfit.
-It's like he's holding a Jeopardy, uh... -Buzzer?
...buzzer. And also like, "But maybe I should thumbs-up?
-I don't know!" -And also "I'll throw a little Fonz in there."
-Yeah. -I just like the sweater tucked into the jeans.
-I'm into that. -Yeah.
When are we gonna stop biting our lips, too?
-Nah, he's still got it. -Never.
Sweater tucked in is legal in, uh, England.
Uh, an actress said she worked with him,
but she said she'd never, uh--
she wouldn't do a movie 'cause she'd never date someone
that short in real life 'cause she was that pretty.
And so-- Does this lady know King Kong was five-six
in those old movies? Yeah.
It depends on how you shoot it. Oh, whatever. Um...
anyway, I don't relate to the story, so go ahead.
-(laughter) -Really?
-I'll be honest. That seems surprising. -SPADE: Yeah.
RAY: I don't know. He-he... You know, he led
the X-Men, he, uh... he played the king of Scotland,
made out with Angelina Jolie.
It's like, just get your pants hemmed and shut the (bleep) up.
-You know? -SPADE: Yeah. -MORIN: Yeah. I was gonna say,
it's not a lot to complain about. You know, he stars
in two movie franchises.
He can't say he lost a bunch of movies 'cause he short.
-This guy has made it. -SPADE: Yeah, he's a stud.
Well, as someone who has not gotten a job
because of... they were not tall enough...
Uh, I was originally supposed to be Brienne of Tarth
on Game of Thrones, and Kit Harington
(bleeping) complained about it,
that he was too pretty, and... here we are.
-SPADE: Here we are. -I'm on this show.
-So... -Uh, I...
That's sweet of you to say. Um...
-Well, McAvoy... -I...
Uh, listen, I wondered why I didn't get Aquaman.
I went in three times, and then, I go,
"Oh, they went that way with it." Like, that's the look,
-and I can't swim. -RAY: What was their feedback?
-What? -What was their feedback?
-The feedback? "He was... -Yeah.
uh, not a good actor, but he was short."
-RAY: Oh. Direct. -And I said, "Oh.
-So that's a callback, or...?" -MORIN: Three times.
Well, "McAvoy" is Scottish for "can't get on a roller coaster,"
-so I get it. -(laughter)
-SPADE: Well, we have a... Yeah! -Wow, dude.
-Cut to the tape. -We have a commentary.
We have a com... Our certified little person,
Lights Out height correspondent Brad Williams, is calling in.
-Brad? -Oh!
(applause and cheering)
Brad!
Brad, are you, uh, calling us from the North Pole?
Oh, (bleep) you.
No, I'm not calling from the North Pole.
It is actually the Keebler factory we're operating.
Yeah. So how do you feel about this James McAvoy stuff, bud?
Well, obviously, uh, being turned down
because of your height is a very sensitive issue,
and it's a rampant problem in Hollywood.
It's going crazy, uh, so...
And I'm very sensitive to this issue.
-Um, how tall is James McAvoy? -I think he's five, seven.
-Five, seven, I think. Yup. -Five, seven.
Oh, (bleep) that guy.
(bleep) you, James McAvoy.
Five foot, seven.
I'm four, foot, four, bitch.
Shut the hell up!
I'm a national touring headliner.
Look what I'm doing.
"Oh, it's so hard at five foot, seven.
I've overcome so much at five foot, seven."
I'll stab you in the neck, McAvoy.
-Shut up. -Prove it!
I... I would do horrible things behind a dumpster
to be five foot, seven, James McAvoy.
Oh, my gosh. Five foot, seven.
-Spade, you're five foot, seven, right? -Yeah.
So, like, the worst thing that could happen to this guy is
that he hosts a Comedy Central show where he throws out topics,
and three comedians do all the work for him.
-(laughter, groaning) -That's...
-(applause and cheering) -Thanks, Brad. -Wow.
Thanks for making it clear.
-Uh... -Could he even see us?
-I don't know. -We're waving. Nothing.
-Yeah, I don't know. -You know.
He doesn't know he was on the show.
Uh, in a recent interview, Elton John said
that once during a-a Vegas gig,
he wore a diaper and peed through his whole show.
The hard part was finding a $2,000 diaper
-with rhinestones on it. -(laughter)
Uh, who else is peeing right now?
-Anybody in the crowd? Anyone here? -Not right now.
-It's a long show. -Slight panic attack, but not peeing.
Why doesn't he just get up and pee
during "Crocodile Rock" like everybody else does?
-(laughter) -It's not bad.
Okay, some Elton fans in the crowd. That was not the time
-to do that joke. -SPADE: Uh, no.
I think it's a pro move, you know?
That's how long he's been performing,
that he's able to just unleash pee
while he's putting a sold-out show on.
-There's... -Who unleashes pee?
-Elton. -SPADE: Yeah.
How much pee are you holding where you have to unleash it?
It's dangerous when I pee. It's very aggressive.
I was gonna say that I've had to pee on stage before,
but what I've done is I've held it,
because I'm a (bleeping) human being.
(laughter)
He's past being a human, though. Look at that outfit.
-The man doesn't exist. -(laughter)
We made him up in our mind.
He's pissing right now in this pose because he's owning it.
-That's how silly he is. -Billy Joel does his whole show
-on a toilet. Did you know that? -Does he really?
Yeah, he just sits on a toilet.
And he has a piano here. It's like a squatty potty.
They-they asked Elton what he, uh, thought about this,
and he was like, "Ah, it depends."
-But I think that... -(laughter, groaning)
-I like it. I do like it. -I don't get it.
-(applause, cheers) -He's coming into the jokes. -Good, good.
-I didn't get it. Yeah, yeah. -You shouldn't.
I do also think, like, what's-what...?
Whatever happened to taking shit to the grave?
Like, if you pee... if you pee your pants,
like, what's with telling everybody?
Like, you know, kill-kill everyone that knows,
move to a different country and change your name.