- How far along are you, Teresa?
You look like you're about to pop.
- We think two months. We haven't been keeping count.
- What?
- Oh, we don't really know how it works,
and we don't believe in doctors.
We're just kind of winging it.
- Cool.
- Okay, everybody,
let's get this baby shower started.
Okay, so I've got paper and pens
so we can play some fun shower games.
- Okay, so fun. Where should I sit?
I know I'm not invited.
I don't want to like, like, make everybody annoyed.
- No, she can sit next to me, right?
She's my best friend. - Prime real estate.
- It's okay that I brought Jessie, right?
- Yeah, I guess I didn't say not to do it, so...
- Okay, good, I just like, don't want to take away
from your day or whatever.
- So, uh, how do you two know each other?
- Oh, she bartends at the bar I spend all my nights in.
- Yeah.
We became best friends.
- Yeah, Jessie totally has my back.
- Because she used to order, like, rail vodka,
and I was like, uh...
both: Absolut.
Hello, right?
- Okay. [giggles awkwardly]
Well, why don't you start opening your gifts?
- Okay, all right.
Oh, the wrapping is so cute.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait, I want to take a picture.
Let me get my purse.
- Wait, hold on, she's getting her purse.
- Jessie, my purse is gone.
- What? What do you mean, your purse is, like, completely gone?
- Yeah.
- Okay, so someone took it.
- Well, I don't know.
- No, I'm sure no one took it.
- No, if it's not there, then, yeah, someone took it.
- Can she open her present now?
- Did someone move my purse?
- No, someone took it.
You don't move a purse, you take it.
- What?
- You guys, everything's fine.
I'm not mad. Just please tell me where it is.
- And then maybe explain why you took it,
because, like, she deserves answers.
- Well, I'm sure it's here somewhere.
- Then where is it? Where? - Okay, don't freak out.
Nobody's leaving here,
and if it turns out that one of them took it,
they will pay.
Does that sound okay with everybody?
Is that cool?
- No one took your purse.
- Okay, can someone write down
that she just said that in case we need it?
- I just want my purse.
- It's here somewhere. I know it's here.
- You know what?
Let's just play a baby shower game and have some fun.
- Fine, I'll shut the hell up.
- No, like, your friends are ridiculous right now.
- Okay, so everybody take a marker
and write down a baby name.
And then Teresa has to guess who wrote what name.
- This is fun. This'll be great.
- This is great.
- Okay, Teresa, pick one.
- Okay, okay.
- Should have done it faster.
- First name is "Did you take my purse?"
Are you serious? - Yes, answer the question.
- [crying] Guys, please, my purse has everything in it.
Just give me my purse.
- What was in there, sweetie? Tell them what's in your purse.
- My parents' address and information,
my passport, and I'm going to Mexico in a month,
my UTI medicine,
and my heartburn pills.
- No, keep going.
Tell them what they took from you.
- My phone charger and my sunglasses
and my NARS lip gloss.
- Your NARS? Wait. They took your NARS?
- Yes, they took it and all of everything else.
- You know what? I can't stand this.
God damn you people!
Everybody get up! Get up!
I don't care that you're pregnant! Get up!
- What are you doing?
- Look, I don't care if you guys like me.
- What are you doing?
- I'm never going to see any of you again.
I don't care if you think I'm a bitch,
because I won't see you unless you come into my bar.
And if you come in and you don't tip 20%, guess what.
Your ass is getting kicked out!
- Wait. Is that your purse,
right under where your friend was sitting?
- Oh, my God, check it. Is that your purse?
- Ugh. This is it. - Wait.
Make sure everything's in it,
because if even one thing is missing,
like, I'm calling the police.
- It's all here.
- Oh, my God. Good!
- I'm, like, shaking.
- Okay, so you guys clean up.
I'm going to use the upstairs bathroom,
and then let's get this shower back on track.
- Whoo-whoo!
[cheers and applause]