Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘Ladies and Gentelmen, prepare yourselves for a shock’
Arguably there’s never been a film version of The Lost World accurate to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s book and Irwin Allen’s 1960 film is no exception.
‘Can you prove what you say?’
The question is: is that a problem?
‘That means nothing… to me’
The film got off to a good start as Allen planned to use stop motion for the dinosaurs,
even hiring the great Willis O’Brien, who worked on the 1925 version.
But Fox cut the budget, largely owing to spiralling costs of Cleopatra
‘Oh it’s all my fault’
Liz Taylor’s actually, and here’s the result.
‘Live dinosaurs’
Live, yes. Dinosaur, no.
'What will they say about this at home?'
'They'll say you're a liar and a charlatan'
And this lizard with stuck on horns is the only ‘dinosaur’ we see clearly in the first hour.
‘Oh, I’m sorry’
and when others turn up, they evoke more pity than wonder, as they are made to fight.
strung up on wires.
and submerged in fake lava.
Let’s not dwell on that, even had the budget not been cut, this would still be a lousy film.
‘Liar!’
Although the period has been changed from 1912 to 1960,
it sticks with panicking ethics...
'No no no pleeeeease'
and of course...
‘There’ll be no women in my expedition’
come on, who else are you gonna rescue.
That doesn’t look that dangerous.
‘I’d say we’d have to be crazy to take any woman along’
Any woman; no.
'I want to go too.'
This woman; yes.
'Oh you don't mind do you?'
Practical jungle clothing there.
'We'll rest here.'
'You a;right?'
'Yeah.'
But not really revealing enough.
‘We met informally in the jungle’
That’s more like it.
‘You know, you’re kinda nice’
Great. Cos what this movie needs is a secondary love story no one gives a shit about.
‘Fools! Imbeciles! Have you no sense of decency.'
With so many characters it’s no wonder there’s little time for dinosaurs or other creatures.
But just in case they ram in some more plotlines about greed
‘Are you claiming this plateau is El Dorado?’
Revenge
‘I want your life Roxton’
and a love triangle.
'Comeon get up.'
'What did you find?'
Wow, on this whole, huge plateau, he happens to fall face first onto the diary of the only other person to get there.
‘I don’t believe a word of it’
Our heroes are now captured by natives.
and in their escape they cause...
Wiping out an entire civilisation, but look...
they got diamonds.
'This is the greatest moment of your lives’
Okay, Conan Doyle’s novel has no women on the expedition and,
while there were some women explorers, that’s consistent with the period.
‘I wish now I’d never come’
Every film adaptation has felt the need to add women.
‘But why?’
How feminist, you may say, but then they use them as clothes horses...
Love interest.
‘Thank you Mr Malone’
Eye candy.
and a massive inconvenience to the men.
‘These women’
Further, Doyle portrays the native Indians on the plateau as peaceful and intelligent,
while in the film...
‘They’re obviously cannibals’
50 years of progress and the story is more sexist...
‘Meaning a woman’s place is in the home’
more racist...
and less scientifically accurate!
‘Tyrannosaurus rex’
Irwin Allen has done to Conan Doyle’s novel what he did to those poor lizards –
stuck bits on a and treated it like shit.
'That was our review of Irwin Allen's 'The Lost World' Are you happy Hewy Toonmore?'
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