If you’ve ever been dumped you know how crushing it can be. But there’s a difference
between being dumped and being ghosted, even if it ultimately has the same outcome. In some cases,
being ghosted means that you’ve lost your chance with your ex for good,
and in others it actually means that you’ll have a better chance of getting them back than you
would if you were dumped in a more traditional way. In this video, I’ll cover a few different
ghosting scenarios and I’ll give you the path forward for each one if you want your ex back.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning, author of The Ex Factor Guide and breakup coach here on Youtube for over
ten years now. I’m something of an expert when it comes to getting your ex back and I’ve made it my
mission to help people like you get a second chance with their ex. While you’re watching,
please subscribe to my channel and like this video so that I know you’re out there.
So, let’s dive into the topic of this video: ghosting. First off, what is ghosting exactly?
Well for the purposes of this video I’m going to define ghosting as the following:
“the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by
suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”
So ghosting can happen on dating apps, after a few dates, or in a more serious relationship.
It starts to get more complicated if you live together, have kids, and/or you’re married.
So for the purposes of this video we’re talking about ghosting that happens AFTER you’ve entered
into an official, exclusive relationship but BEFORE marriage. If you weren’t exclusive
then chances are you have very little hope of winning them back. On the other hand,
if you two were married and they ghosted you then chances are there was something more significant
going on than I can handle in this short video. If you’re still looking for help with either of these
situations, I can offer you personalized advice over at BreakupBrad.com/Coaching.
Another scenario I won’t be covering here is when your ex broke up with you (or otherwise
indicated that they don’t want to continue this relationship) and then proceeded to
stop answering your messages and phone calls. The same goes for if you cheated
on them or had a big blow out fight right before they stopped talking to
you. These are difficult scenarios but they’re a bit different than ghosting.
Luckily I’ve covered them already so check the description below for links to those videos.
Now, if we’re going to determine if you can still get your ex back after ghosting, the number one
question is obvious: why did they choose to ghost you rather than having the courtesy to
break up with you? In my experience working with thousands of people who’ve been through breakups,
there are two different categories here. Your ex either ghosted you because their own fear
of confrontation got the better of them and they decided that it would be less painful
for them to just disappear completely than to have this conversation, or they worry that you
would not respond well to a conversation like this and they’re afraid of how you might react.
It’s also very likely that they’ve tried to have this conversation with you in
the past and you’ve either brushed aside their concerns, or convinced
them to stay without addressing the issues in the relationship.
In all of these situations, there is one common thread: communication breakup. This
is why they’ve decided to cut the cord rather than trying to have this conversation. Think
back to arguments and conversations you had while you were together, especially towards the end of
the relationship. Could they have been trying to end your relationship or bring up issues?
Understanding these issues will be key to creating a better
relationship with them when you do win them back.
Now, let’s talk about how you responded to being ghosted by your girlfriend or
boyfriend. A pretty normal response would be to try to message them and call them several
times. If you were worried about their safety, it would be pretty understandable
if you reached out to mutual friends, or even tried to physically find them.
If you went this route, only to realize that you’ve been ghosted,
it can be pretty embarrassing. You may feel like you came across as desperate
or crazy when you continued to reach out to them like this but I need you to know
that you’re not in the wrong here. Being ghosted is pretty scary and traumatic and
it can make you do some crazy things. This is especially true if you were worried about your
partner’s safety because they gave you no indication that anything was wrong.
It would also be understandable if you were angry and lashed out at your ex for
treating you this way. Maybe you said some unkind things. Maybe you yelled at
them and called them names. Again, this is not to say that these things weren’t
warranted–they did a bad thing–but the more extreme you were in these moments,
the more difficulty you’re going to have when it comes to getting them back.
Think of it this way: they were already avoiding you out of fear of your reaction
to the breakup. Now they’ve had their worst fears confirmed. They know that you’re upset
and that you’re disappointed in them for ending things. So now any time you reach out to them,
they’re going to be even less likely to respond. A
difficult situation, definitely but there are ways around it.
If you’re having a difficult time reaching your ex, you should consider getting some
extra help. Whatever your scenario, I can say with certainty that I’ve seen
worse. I’ve helped those people get a second chance with their exes and I can help you
too. Head on over to BreakupBrad.com/Coaching now to find out more about how this process
works. I look forward to hearing from you. That’s BreakupBrad.com/Coaching
Now, let’s talk about those two scenarios I mentioned earlier:
either your relationship seemed perfect and your ex decided to dump you for no reason,
or (more likely) your relationship had some serious issues that you were ignoring
or sweeping under the rug and those are probably why your ex decided to ghost.
Well one of these situations is much more salvageable than the other. Surprisingly,
if you had clear issues then you’ll be much more likely to get a second chance
with your ex than if you didn’t. The reason for this is simple:
if everything seemed perfect and your ex decided to end things then it’s going to be very difficult
for you to find out what went wrong or how to fix it. In this scenario, then there is a
good chance that your ex has serious personal problems that they’re not willing to share,
they stopped loving you, or the problems you have are too significant to be addressed.
You see, when there’s an obvious solution,
your ex would be more likely to bring it to your attention. It’s when things seem
hopeless that they’ll ghost you without ever giving an indication that there was
a problem at all because they know that there’s no way of fixing what is wrong.
So if you know your relationship had serious issues, don’t despair.
If you know what these issues are then you can solve them.
This unfortunately means that if you had a quote “perfect relationship”
then I would suggest you seriously consider just moving on. It’s going
to be difficult to make them speak to you again and even if you do reconnect,
you’ll always wonder what happened and will have difficulty trusting them.
In either case, your next move will be the same: you need to enter into a period of
No Contact with your ex. I’m sure you’re probably thinking that this is unnecessary
since they’re already not talking to you. Well it can actually be more difficult than
you think after being ghosted because you’ll be more likely to want to reach out to them,
find them and figure out what went wrong than you would in a more traditional breakup.
This is why you need to commit to 30 days following your ghosting where you
won’t reach out to your ex at all. No phone calls, no text messages, no watching their
social media or asking about them through mutual friends. Simply radio silence.
This is called The No Contact Method and it works because it gives your ex a taste of their
own medicine following a breakup. It allows you to get back some of the power and it gives you
time to work on yourself. So spend these thirty days setting goals and achieving them so that
you can rebuild your self confidence. This is VITAL if you want a second chance with your ex.
I won’t lie to you, if you were ghosted then your chances aren’t as good as they
would be if you were just dumped. This is because it’s going to be more difficult to
reconnect with them after No Contact. They may have blocked your number,
or they may even have found someone new behind your back. But there are definitely situations
where ghosting the ghoster will have them running back to you after those 30 days are up.
So stay confident, stick to the plan and keep your head up. Remember, no one deserves to be ghosted
so whatever went wrong in the relationship, you can’t be the only one at fault here. They made
a huge mistake and they’re going to regret it for a long time, I’ll promise you that.
That just about does it for this video. Have you ever been ghosted? Have you ever ghosted
someone else? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below. You could really help
someone else figure out what went wrong in their particular relationship. Don’t
forget to like and subscribe. Thanks for watching and I’ll see you in my next video.