- Is it just me, or is this water more high definition?
What's up, Roaches?
Welcome back to another episode of Roach Plays.
Starring yours truly, Roach!
(gentle piano melody)
Today, I figured I would take you Roaches to a mesa.
Look at all this beautiful brown earth.
Roaches, did you know a mesa is actually
an isolated flat-topped hill with steep sides?
♪ The Roach you know ♪
- It's dark, Roaches.
Look at the way the moonlight, ow!
What just hit me?
Ugh, Zombie!
- [Announcer] Roached!
- I'm a monster hunter now, Roaches.
Hey!
Where's my little cute cat companion?
(cat meowing)
Hey!
You leave that rabbit alone, you dumb zombie!
I'll have you know I'm a protector
of all of Minecraft's small creatures!
What a nice cow!
Wait a minute.
Why the heck does it have mushrooms on it?
Roaches, have you ever seen this before?
I think I'll name you Portobello!
They're coming at me from all angles!
I do my best shooting at night.
The spirit of Grandpapi is with me!
- [Grandpapi] I told you before, I ain't dead!
- Time to light my way into the mushroom forest!
(gasps) It's a whole herd of mushroom cows!
What's up little cowpokes?
Hey, Postmates!
When I ordered the portobello burger,
I didn't expect it to show up like this!
You know, with three creepers attached.
Also, Postmates, if you wanna sponsor us,
just hit a Roach up, would you?
Wink!
Would you shut up, cows?
You're making me miss!
(cows mooing)
Back, I say!
I really should have paid more attention
in Cow Language class.
It's a Roach showdown!
Where's my cowboy hat?
Yeehaw!
They call me Mesa Roach.
(country western atmosphere music)
Not this time, sir!
Ow, my butt!
What's with all these people shooting my butt?
Is it really that big?
Oh, my llama!
There you go, guys!
A little torch to keep you safe and warm.
I love you, llamas!
Wait, where are you going?
♪ Think I'll go for a walk outside now ♪
♪ The Roaching moon's calling my name ♪
- That's the cave where I keep my darkest secrets.
Die, memories!
Die!
Whoops.
My eyes!
I saw my whole life flash in front of me!
- [Young Roach] It wasn't that exciting!
Enough of that cave!
We've got more mesa to explore!
The llamas are back!
Oh no, something's chasing them!
(llama grunting)
I don't speak llama, you know that!
Back, heathen!
♪ Here comes the sun, little Roaches ♪
♪ Here comes the sun, and I say ♪
♪ It's all Roach ♪
♪ Do do do do, do do do, do do do do do do do ♪
- Blaze it!
Nothing like a quick little
Roach bath in this beautiful water.
Just dip one toe in there and you're all clean.
Oooh, check out that outpost out there.
So imposing.
Would be a shame if someone Roach-sacked the place.
(maniacal laughing)
There's pillagers everywhere!
Only got one shot, Roaches.
Dangit!
I'll take on all of you!
Bring it!
(epic battle music)
Come and get it, Squidward!
Eat fire, Elephant Man!
2.2 million Roaches are stronger
than two of whatever you guys are.
Take this!
And this!
- [Announcer] Roached!
- Didn't even have time to draw his bow.
Don't worry bunnies, you're safe now.
Hurry and jump up those blocks.
What a nice home.
Thanks for not locking your doors.
It's modern, yet minimal.
Oh no!
This doesn't spark joy!
Run away!
Ow, my butt again!
I'm okay, Roaches.
Phew, I've got a fractured butt bone.
There's so many of them!
Why can't you leave me alone?
Yikes, and there's a bad omen following me too.
I've been marked.
Make haste!
It's like a mob of fans coming at me.
Asking for my autograph.
Listen, I only do stage appearances.
Why don't you just take an arrow to the face already!
Ow, my face!
Just you and me, buddy.
Taste my cold Roach steel!
No biggie, Roaches.
I've got a couple of arrows in me, but I can handle it.
Oop, that might have been a friendly one.
I'm getting overwhelmed here!
Let me eat my pork chop in peace!
When will you learn?
I'm gonna Roach every single one of you!
All right, phew.
I think that's all of them.
Aw man!
Two for two!
Oh never mind.
Take that, big head!
Come to meet your maker, huh boys?
Well it's just your lucky day!
Run!
Ow, again?
I said take that, ugly!
(sighing in relief)
Victory pork chop for Roach!
Is this the source of them?
A mesa temple?
(mob grunting)
Who said that?
Grandpapi?
Hello?
It's creepy in here.
With all those creeper faces on the wall.
(footsteps approaching)
Eep!
Who's following me?
(mob grunting)
Oh my Roach, where are they?
Forget this, I'm outta here.
Hey, leave your arrows at the door, man.
That temple is spooky!
I like to call that one the Roach Reflection.
Ugh, it never ends!
The high ground doesn't mean anything to me.
(gentle piano melody)
What a nice soundtrack to have all my murder play out to.
All right, we made it to the top!
I can see everything from up here!
One last pork chop as the sun sets
on another beautiful Roach Plays.
It's so beautiful out here.
I'm getting emotional.
I'd like to thank my Grandpapi
and Tanner's podcast Behind Enemy Squads.
See you Roaches next week.
Or will I?
Take care, Roaches!
(new wave atmosphere music)