“A Child needs both parents.”
“How do you do it?”
“God, who’s going to want to date someone with a child?”
“Oh no, what happened?”
A baby.
Sex.
Oh, ok.
“A child needs both parents.”
I hate this one.
Because automatically my chest goes.
Yeah.
My chest kind of feels like ugh.
I always go: Barack Obama.
Halle Berry.
Jay Z.
Like these people were all brought up by single mothers.
If you’ve got one great parent, male or female, that is worth far more than two shit
parents.
Definitely.
Don’t stay together for the sake of the children, because I wouldn’t, but guaranteeing
those kids aren’t going to be happy, because if they ain’t, they ain't happy.
You’d have to both end up sitting both suffering the whole time.
Just tears streaming down your face, “The kids are really happy!”
Oh of course they’re really happy children because they have two parents.
It’s like shall we just put the child into therapy now and bypass the next sixteen years.
“Oh no, what happened?”
I look at your husband and I think “Oh no, what happened?”
Exactly, oh no, how did you open your legs for that?
“Oh you chose the wrong guy, you did this wrong, you did this,” and they start to
teach me what did I do wrong, like.
The story starts with none ya.
They’re like “None ya what?”
None ya business, that’s who.
You know how I got pregnant, you know exactly what I did to get pregnant.
“Why, what did happen?”
Well ask him, here is his phone number, call him and ask him.
You’re the one that left, or you were the one that tried to whatever, and you left,
you’re a bad guy, how dare you.
You wrecked the marital home, you bastard.
“My partner is away this weekend so I know how you feel.”
This comes up so often.
So what, he’s gone away for three days, now you know how I feel for three, four, five,
six years.
Have you ever tried to look after your child by yourself for three months with no support?
Once you’ve done that come back and we can talk about it.
I have definitely said that before being a single parent, and I think a lot of people
who are now single parents did feel like that in their relationship.
“Oh I was so lonely on friday night.”
Well where was your husband?
“Oh he was late home from work.”
Ugh!
XXX I had to do bedtime on my own.
If I can do it, I’m sure you can survive this weekend.
And don’t you dare ask me to babysit, because a lot of people ask.
They do, they do!
I’d rather you said you have no idea how I feel, rather than try and spark that kind
of conversation.Let’s not, let's not try that.
If they really think they’ve got it hard then-
They’ve got another thing coming.
Welcome to reality.
Back to life, back to reality It ain’t all roses.
“Who’s going to want to date someone with a child?”
Let’s not talk about tinder.
Well, it’s just like...
Do you put on your profile that your?
No.
Because all you’d ever get is “Are you married?
Have you been married?
Have you got children?”
And if you had dared say yes they’d be like, gone.
I say quite, quite quickly that I’m a lone parent to an eighteen month old, and I really
have a cool kid at home, so umm, and I’m doing it all myself, so.
As a single dad, people assume you don’t want friends, you just want sex.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That’s it, because especially being a man, well clearly that’s all you want.
Have you ever got the #MILF?
That, that, oh.
My friends, they were kind enough to name me ‘the MILFreds.’
“Oh that’s nice, oh you’re a single father, oh really, oh that’s so cute.”
Yeah I find that ludicrous.
You should see my mum, she’s a GILF.
People do tend to tell you, “Oh, my mum’s a single mum,” and then just off-load all
of their parent issues, or talk about their parents.
It’s like, this isn’t what I’m looking for, so umm no I’d say-
I just want a shag.
“You used to be such a laugh.”
I think I am a laugh.
Exactly, I’m still a laugh, just when my kid’s in bed.
I think I’ve chilled out more as an adult, now, I’m more fun.
That’s because you’re not grown up.
When the music is on I’m dancing, I am enjoying myself.
People asking me “Oh Victory what have you drunk?”
“Nothing, I’ve just had a tiny bit of water, that’s all!”
And I’m like, “Woo!”
I’m just, I’m a laugh with a little mini me now, and she’s a laugh too, so enjoy
it.
I enjoy being a parent when I’m a bit childish.
Sometimes you’re like, oh, well I can’t really afford to spend twelve quid on a drink
because I know how much that actually costs.
Exactly so I will just stand here and drink my saliva.
I was asked a few months back on a night out by a friend of a friend who’s married with
two children, “Oh now you’re a single mum, do you regret actually keeping him?”
When I was pregnant I was at an all time low, but it was when I started to feel his kicks,
I then started to feel like oh my god, there’s actually life inside of me, I just said, “I’ve
now got someone that depends on me, I can’t mess up, I can’t, it’s not even possible.”
That’s proper emotional.
I don't know, I’m not gonna cry.
Once I had my son, I don’t know, something changed, like I’m the oldest brother in
my family, so it was like my brother instincts kicked in.
For me everytime I get home and open the door and I see that smile it’s just ahh, it’s
so infectious, I’m like “My baby,” and he’s running up to me like ahh!
And she’s like really polite and happy, and I’m quite happy, and I look at my kids
and I think you know what, I did okay, you’re breathing, it’s fine.
Oh this is a bit - I’ve had this, right okay.
“Your sex life must have taken a toll.”
One thing: I may have lost my partner, I didn’t lose my hands, just saying.
Guys think your body is going to look so much different because you’ve had a kid and then
they’re just like, “Oh hang on, you don’t actually look any different.”
Like, oh shocker, like or, “It doesn’t feel any different,” shocker, it’s a muscle!
You have sex with someone and they’re like “I’m actually, I’m actually surprised,
what, I didn’t think that it was still going to be tight!”
What do they call it, oil the works and everything, should be fine, yeah let’s go.
Until then.
We’re gonna load her up with some Sambuca.
Yep, that’s what I need.
We’re going to take her out, get your party knickers on.
We’re going out, we’re going to be on the news and the boys are going be like...
Shall we just go now?
Let’s go.