YOU NEVER WANT TO BE IN
THIS SITUATION, HAVING TO GO TO
WORK EVERY DAY AND DEAL WITH A
BOSS MAKING YOUR LIFE
MISERABLE.
IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP
REBOOT WE WILL GET ADVICE ON
HOW TO DEAL WITH A TOXIC BOSS.
WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST, A
LICENSED PSYCHOLOGIST AND
EXECUTIVE COACH.
GREAT TO HAVE YOU BOTH HERE.
FIRST OF ALL, WHEN WE ARE
SAYING TOXIC BOSS, WHAT KIND OF
CHARACTERISTICS ARE WE THINKING
ABOUT?
THERE IS A RANGE BUT THE
FIRST THING THAT COMES UP FOR
ME IS LIKE PEOPLE WHO REALLY
CAN'T CONTROL OF THEIR ANGER
AND TAKE IT OUT ON THEIR
UNDERLINGS OR COWORKERS.
THE DEALERS AND SCREAMERS.
PEOPLE WHO MAKE -- THEIR
EMPLOYEES CRY. I WORKED FOR
SOMEBODY LIKE THAT YEARS AGO.
IT'S NOT GREAT.
WE ALWAYS HAVE ONE OF THOSE
MEMORIES OF A BAD BOSS. THERE'S
NOTHING WORSE THAN HAVING TO GO
TO WORK EVERY DAY AND DEAL WITH
SOMEBODY WHO IS MAKING YOUR
LIFE MISERABLE.
THAT UNPLEASANT DISPOSITION
AFFECTS YOU AS YOU GO THROUGH
YOUR WHOLE DAY.
I'M SURE IT IS VERY EASY IN
THOSE SITUATIONS TO TAKE IT
PERSONALLY.
RIGHT.
EXACTLY.
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU
ARE NOT TAKING IT PERSONALLY
WHEN YOU'RE DEALING WITH A BOSS
LIKE THAT, BUT THAT'S REALLY
HARD TO DO, RIGHT?.
-- RIGHT?
SO UNDERSTANDING THE BOUNDARY
BETWEEN WHAT IS YOURS AND WHAT
IS AND BUT AGAIN WHEN YOU HAVE
SOMEONE IN CHARGE OF TELLING
YOU WHAT'S YOURS, THAT'S WHEN
IT'S PARTICULARLY DIFFICULT
BECAUSE ALSO, IF YOU LOOK AT
THE POWER SHIFT, THAT DYNAMIC,
THE BOSS HAS A LOT MORE POWER
THAN YOU, PARTICULARLY ECONOMIC
POWER.
AND TAKING ON THAT SELF
APPRAISAL, WHAT AM I DOING THAT
MIGHT BE CONTROLLING TO IT? BUT
WITH A TERRIBLE BOSS, YOU DO
HAVE TO REALLY DEPERSONALIZE IT
SO THERE ARE SEVERAL THINGS YOU
NEED TO DO.
DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, BUT
YOU ALSO NEED TO BE ABLE TO
HAVE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FROM
OTHER COWORKERS AND ALSO
STRATEGIZE. TALK WITH PEOPLE.
FIND OUT ABOUT THE PSYCHOLOGY
OF THIS BOSS.
WHO KNOWS WHAT ABOUT THEM?
WHAT'S THEIR PAST AND ARE THEY
OPEN TO ANY FEEDBACK?
AND DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK
UP AND IF SO, HOW DO YOU DO SO.
WHEN IS IT APPROPRIATE?
HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?
THAT COMES FROM THAT
STRATEGIZING AND REALLY LOOKING
AT, TALKING WITH OTHER PEOPLE
IN THE KNOW WHO HAVE HAD
EXPERIENCE WITH THIS PERSON.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE HR PERSON
AS THE GO TO PERSON.
IN SOME SITUATIONS -- IN MOST
SITUATIONS, CORPORATIONS ARE
SET UP TO BE ABLE TO REALLY
HEAR SOME OF THOSE COMPLAINTS.
BUT A LOT OF COMPANIES ARE
KIND OF SMALL AND WHEN YOU GO
TO CEO -- TO HR YOU ARE GOING
TO THE CEO'S WIFE OR SOMETHING.
IT'S ONE THING HERE -- IT'S A
BIG COMPANY.
YOU CAN TO GO TAKE CARE OF
ISSUES.
-- YOU CAN GO TAKE CARE OF
ISSUES.
YEAH RIGHT.
IN SOME CASES HR IS THE
PERSON'S FRIEND OR SOMETHING.
SO YOU DON'T WANT TO DISCOURAGE
PEOPLE FROM DOING THAT BUT
THERE IS THAT REALITY.
BE SMART ABOUT IT.
WHAT IF THERE IS NO CHANGE
AND YOU ARE JUST STUCK AND YOUR
BOSS IS STUCK AS WELL.
DO YOU JUST HAVE TO QUIT?
YOU MIGHT WANT TO START
LOOKING AROUND FOR OPTIONS ON
THE OTHER THING ABOUT THAT TOO
IS THAT IT MAKES US FEEL LIKE
THERE ARE OPTIONS.
WHEN WE ARE FULL OF ANXIETY --
I THINK YOU WERE TALKING TO ME
ABOUT SOME REALLY INTERESTING
RESEARCH ABOUT ANXIETY AND HOW
BOSSES ARE.
WHEN WE ARE FULL OF ANXIETY, WE
CAN'T THINK CLEARLY AND THERE
ARE DECADES OF RESEARCH
SUGGESTING THAT.
IT'S TRUE.
ABSOLUTELY.
THE RESEARCH SHOWS THAT
EMPLOYEES WHO SEE THEIR BOSSES
RESPECTING THEM ACTUALLY REPORT
BEING 92% MORE FOCUSED AND
BEING ABLE TO PRIORITIZE, AND
THEY FEEL LIKE THEIR HEALTH IS
BETTER AND THEIR SENSE OF WELL-
BEING IS AS WELL.
THERE ENGAGEMENT -- THEIR
ENGAGEMENT IN THE WORKFORCE IS
BETTER AS WELL SO IF WE COULD
ONLY BEGIN TEACHING LEADERS AND
MANAGERS -- THE IMPORTANCE OF
LEADERSHIP TRAINING IS SO TRUE.
AND MBA DOESN'T GIVE YOU WHAT
YOU NEED ABOUT -- AN MBA
DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE LEADERSHIP
SKILL YOU NEED.
ALL THESE SOFTER INTERPERSONAL
SKILLS AND ALSO THE HARD ONE --
A LOT OF TIMES A BAD BOSS IS
SOMEBODY THAT JUST DOESN'T
FOLLOW THROUGH.
IT'S CHAOTIC.
IT COULD BE SOMEBODY NON---
NOT ENFORCING OR NOT HAVING
CONSEQUENCES.
THAT SIDE, TOO.
AT WHAT POINT DO YOU PRESENT
THEM YOUR BUSINESS CARD? BOSS,
I FEEL LIKE MAYBE YOU COULD
SPEND SOME TIME IN EXECUTIVE
COACHING.
A LOT OF MY WORK COMES FROM
THE BOSS OF THE BOSS. THAT'S