- There's a lot of superficial advice on tactics and tricks
and things that you can do to be more attractive,
but none of that really is long lasting or long standing
because after you get through the courtship phase,
what really lasts is this deep connection that you have
with the other person.
And so what are the deeper things?
What are the things that have more substantial
aspects to them that create attraction?
And so today we're gonna explore five habits,
five ways of being that are deeper,
that are more substantial, that ignite attraction,
and will drive your man wild?
Where he will say, "Wow, this woman is amazing
and I'm so drawn to her."
The first of these five habits is emotional strength.
Now, the woman who's developed emotional strength
allows herself to feel her experiences,
allows herself to feel all of her emotions.
She feels really deeply.
She's not guarded.
She's not scared to live life.
She's not holding back,
but she plays full out with her heart.
The downside is a lot of guys
will get really attracted to women who do that,
but the counter side is often, that kind of person
rides really big highs and really low lows
because they feel so deeply
and it can become chaotic, can become crazy,
and it can become wild.
And so there's the rush of the high,
but also the lows of the lows.
While initially it's exciting, it becomes exhausting.
And ultimately, that relationship disintegrates.
Way better is the woman who has emotional strength,
which means she feels things deeply and fully.
When life doesn't go her way
or when there's a challenge that comes up,
or where there's stress happening,
she's able to manage that stress.
She's able to neutralize it, she's able to process it.
She's able to have this steady even keel.
In other words, the highs get high,
but the lows don't have to go so low.
One of the most inspiring moments
that I've ever seen of this actually comes from my mom.
And my mom and I were leading this big event,
and it was a three-day motivational event
called Dream Builder Live
about how to create a life that you would love.
My mom's best friend, her mentor for over 20 years,
his name's Bob Proctor, his health was failing.
He was in his '80s, his body was giving out,
and we knew he didn't have much time left.
And on the morning of the event,
30 minutes from doors open, going live,
she gets a phone call from Bob's family
saying that Bob's passed away.
I went in and gave my mom a hug
and she's got lead the whole first day of this event.
I'm hosting the event, I've got some training sessions,
but really the first whole day is on her.
You know, she wipes some tears from her eyes and I can,
she's totally feeling the loss of her best friend,
of her mentor.
And so I asked her, I said,
"Hey, do you wanna do the backup plan
where you don't have to take the lead on this day
and me and the other faculty, we teach these sections?"
And she took a deep breath and she goes,
"No, Bob would want me to teach this day."
And she wiped the tears from her eyes.
And she took that stage and she poured into people
in a way I've never seen her pour into people.
And it wasn't that she didn't feel her feelings.
It wasn't that she didn't do her healing work.
She did.
And in that moment, she rose to the occasion
and how can I serve in this way?
What am I called to do this particular day?
I was so inspired by her emotional strength,
by her maturity, by her willingness
to do what she was called to do in that moment.
And that is what we all want in a partner.
Is someone who has that emotional strength
that they can feel and love open-hearted.
And when there's grief or when there's loss
or when there's stress,
the person's emotionally strong enough
to be able to handle it in that moment
without creating drama or without creating chaos,
but instead creating stability
and ultimately creating something great.
Now, the second way of being
that is highly attractive is purposeful vulnerability.
Now, I specifically say purposeful
because at different stages in the relationship,
you want to be vulnerable.
You wanna be open, you wanna be seen
and to different degrees as the relationship progresses.
And I'll explain.
Purposeful vulnerability,
when you're early on in the relationship,
you wanna let the other person see who you are.
You wanna let them see what is this molded you.
You wanna share about your journeys and your discoveries.
And sharing what's vulnerable is sharing personal things
from your past that's helped make you who you are.
The difference is,
and this is where people get off balance
in how much vulnerability they share,
what you've already processed
versus what you're still processing.
Early in the relationship, in the courting phase,
you wanna share the things you've already processed,
you've already learned, you've already grown from.
Now, you might not be proud of it,
it might be something that was embarrassing
or a mistake that you made,
but it's made you who you are today.
Like for example, when I was growing up
and I was in my '20s, I had a major perfection paradigm
and I was so hard on myself.
I had major lack of self-love, lack of self-acceptance.
And what happened was I was so critical of myself
that that judgment just kind of spread out to other people
and it pushed people away.
I was terrified of showing my vulnerabilities.
I was terrified of showing who I really was.
And the irony was it cost me the very thing I wanted most.
I thought I needed to be perfect to have connection,
but really I just needed to be open to have connection.
And so I went through a whole process
to learn how to love myself more,
how to accept the fact that I'm not perfect,
how to open myself more so that I could create deep,
meaningful friendships.
And now I'm so happy for the friendships that I have
and the relationship that I have with my wife
and all of that.
Something that I've already processed
has helped make me who I am today.
The difference is if you're still processing something,
if you're still going through something
and you're gonna lean on this person that you're dating,
when you're married, when you're committed,
you can lean on them.
But when you're in the courting phase,
it's gonna feel heavy, it's gonna feel messy,
and it might not be the right time
to put that weight on a brand new budding relationship.
Maybe later and the two of you
will be that rock for each other,
but early on, it can actually sabotage the attraction.
So instead, focus on the vulnerable stories
of mistakes you've made, of lessons you've learned
that's helped you become who you are today.
Now the third habit is your ability to create mystery,
to create intrigue.
Now, openness is super important in relationships.
And I'm not talking about playing games,
but I am saying being purposeful
in creating these exciting moments
that have some mystery to them.
When you're brand new in a relationship,
this is simply as easy as taking things slow
because that slow pace is gonna create tension
because anytime we have a desire for something or someone,
we want it now, we wanna go fast.
So that slow pace is gonna create this mystery
and intrigue as he gets to know you more.
When you're in a committed relationship,
this is as easy as planning some surprises for him.
It could be as simple as sending him a text to say,
"Hey, I have something fun planned for us tonight.
Get ready."
And he's anticipating whatever it is that you have planned.
When you guys are gonna fool around,
instead of getting naked the same way you always do,
create some intrigue.
Go in a private place, get dressed, put on a sexy outfit.
Maybe he's never seen it before and you come out,
he's gonna be surprised.
He's gonna be intrigued and he's gonna love that.
Men love variety.
Men love new experiences.
So when you can combine some mystery
and intrigue with a new experience,
then you're gonna have him hooked.
And the fourth way of being that men find irresistible
is the woman who's comfortable expressing her desire,
not neediness.
In other words, every one of us has desires.
Every one of us has needs.
We have a need for connection, we have a need for love,
we have a need for freedom, we have a need for fun,
we have a need for peace.
We all have all these different needs.
Having needs is not neediness.
Neediness is the dependency on someone else
to fulfill the needs that we have.
The woman who's highly attractive
is the woman who owns her worth
and can communicate her desires,
communicate what it is that she would love,
communicate what she wants in this relationship.
This woman desires her man, but she doesn't need a man.
And this is a really important distinction
because she's a woman of choice.
She could choose him, she could choose to be by herself,
she could choose somebody else.
She knows how to get her needs met.
It's not dependent on one person.
But when she's willing to share her desires,
share what she would love, and invite a man into that space
to serve her, to fulfill those wants, desires, and needs,
that is incredibly powerful.
So the practice for how to do this is to own your worth.
Own the realization that you can fill up your own cup
and it's okay to speak your wants, to speak your desires,
to speak those needs,
and invite a man to help fulfill those with you
from a place of that empowerment.
And the fifth way of being
is the woman who has a growth mindset.
This is the who has the mindset
that whatever skill sets that she has today,
whatever her capability is today,
whatever's going on in her life in terms of results today
is not the limit, is not the ceiling,
but she's actually connected to a presence
and a power that's far greater
than anything that she's facing.
And that she can grow, she can improve,
she can expand her life.
And so she does.
She reads books and she takes classes
and she goes after dreams.
She's in the game of life, she's improving, she's expanding,
and that energy is contagious.
That energy feels good
because every one of us has the desire to expand.
Every one of us has the desire to progress forward.
When we're stagnant,
when we're just in status quo energy,
that's when depression sets in.
That's when discouragement sets in.
That's when this, like,
"Isn't there anything more with this life" starts to set in.
But when you're growing in your spiritual connection,
when you're growing in your career, when you're growing,
you're taking on and say,
"Hey, I'm gonna improve my health."
When you're doing that, that's contagious.
And so your man's gonna naturally feel expansive.
You're gonna inspire him because you're saying,
"I'm in the game of life.
I'm on this field.
I'm getting better and I'm gonna live life to the fullest."
So these are the five habits
that men find wildly attractive.
Emotional strength, purposeful vulnerability,
creating mystery and intrigue,
expressing your desires, not neediness,
and a growth mindset.
Now, I'm sure that you want these same things in your man.
And my question for you is, in addition to these,
what are the qualities and the habits or the mindsets
that you find extremely attractive
in either your man that you're with right now
or the man that you're calling into your life?
Go ahead and post those in the comment section below.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
Here's to your amazing love life, and I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)