[yawning]
[tapping]
Excuse me, miss.
I don't want to have to report you again.
[laughing] I was just wondering, isn't the homework pencil
on the left side of the paper next to the quiz pencil,
or over on the right side all by itself or-?
I think it goes stuck inside your-
Wait. I got it.
The quiz pencil goes right over here
next to the essay pencil.
And the essay pencil gets turned sideways towards the note pad,
just in case I have to write an essay.
Good morning, class.
I'm ready, eady, eady, eady, eady, eady, ready.
Well, pal, I won't be needing you anymore.
[thudding]
I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Oh, yeah, I'm ready.
Whoo! Hoo hoo hoo hoo! Yes!
Hey, I just got my license.
Hey, I'm getting mine next.
Hey, I doubt it.
Okay, see you on the road.
Okay, class, as you remember last week...
Hi, I'm SpongeBob.
Hi, SpongeBob. I'm going to kick your butt.
[laughing]
That joke was almost funnier the second time.
No. I mean it.
[laughing]
That time, it almost seemed like-
[ripping]
You did mean it.
- Mrs. Puff. - Yes, SpongeBob?
Can I be excused for the rest of my life?
Why, no, SpongeBob I'm in the middle
of a coffee fueled sermon right now.
You can't afford to miss this information.
Yes, Mrs. Puff. Sorry, Mrs. Puff.
Now, can I please have a volunteer
to come up to the board? How about you, Flats?
Please draw for us a diagram
of a basic four way intersection, Flats.
Please turn and show the class what you drew, honey.
[shrieking]
[gasping] My, how very creative.
We have an artist in the class.
Now get out your pencils and paper
and write down the assignment.
Ah, man.
Did you hear that? We get an assignment.
Everyone must write an essay
on what not to do at a stoplight.
[groaning]
Did you hear that? What not to do at a stoplight.
In no less than 800 words.
[groaning]
Ya hear that, 800 words.
Yeah, I know.
Behold, Patrick, the hallway of learning.
And here's the fountain of learning.
And these are the lockers of learning.
And these are the stairs of learning, right?
No, they're just the stairs.
These are the stairs of learning.
Where is everyone?
I don't know, home, probably. Class doesn't start til 9:00.
6:20? But I thought you said you were late.
Late for being early.
Hey. When did I start wearing a watch?
And now for the room with the most class,
the classroom.
[gasping]
And here's the chalkboard.
It's the ladle that helps us drink
from the fountain of knowledge.
Oh.
And those drinks are recorded here.
I'm a good noodle boy.
Psst. Sit right here. Sit here. Here.
Um, excuse me. There don't seem to be any empty seats left.
But there's one right next to SpongeBob.
Do you mind?
Don't worry, Squidward, we are boating buddies now.
I'll teach you everything I know.
And then we can-
We won't be doing anything
because there is no "we". Understand?
Quiet in the front, please.
Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly,
boating buddy.
Okay, class, why don't we get to know
our new students by telling each other
why we were sentenced to...
I mean, why we are enrolled in boating school.
Um, I got caught speeding.
Very good. Next.
I don't see what's so very good about it.
No, I didn't mean very-
I know what you meant.
Next.
I am here because my-
We all know why you're here, SpongeBob.
Next, we have SpongeBob SquarePants.
Come on, buddy.
[clearing throat]
Well, SpongeBob?
Do you have your oral report ready?
The assignment I gave you,
the one where you talk in front of the class.
Oh. Yeah. Course I'm ready. I can do it.
Um...
Oh, no. Oh, no.
What are you doing?
Mrs. Puff, do I really have to do this?
No. Only if you want to pass this class.
Okay.
My report... is on...
Must be last minute jitters.
[rattling]
Patrick, where are those goggles?
Here, let me polish 'em up for ya.
[shattering]
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hurry up.
Ooh. Ha.
It's working.
[laughing]
What's all this laughing about?
Well, SpongeBob?
[laughing]
Oh.
Boating safety is the responsibility
of every boater in the ocean because-
Well, don't just stand there! Get on with it!
[screaming]
Alright, come on! Get on with it!
They're all staring!
[screaming]
Hey, where are you going? You forgot the goggles!
SpongeBob, wait!
[grunting, panting]
[panting]
[groaning]
[thudding]
Flats, are you okay?
[cheering]
Do not cheer me, my fellow adult classmates.
Flats was the real victim here.
A victim of a society that's riding down
a violent road to nowhere. A road I call Violence Road.
Sorry, I'm late, class. I-
[gasping]
SpongeBob?
Hello, class. My name is Mrs. Puff,
and the only reason I say that is
because I see we have a new student.
Young man, why don't you stand up
and introduce yourself?
Who's the fat kid talking to?
You, Patrick, she's the teacher.
Oh.
Come on, now, tell the class your name.
Don't be nervous,
Uh... uh...
We just want to know your name.
[shrieking]
24.
[laughing]
Oh, great, another genius.
[laughing]
Yeah. Why are they laughing?
I guess it's just in the timing.
Oh.
[laughing]
Today's first lesson will be on turning.
24.
[laughing]
- Hey, Patrick. - What?
I thought of something funnier than 24.
Let me hear it.
25.
[laughing]
That's enough.
Young man, this is your first day,
so I'll let you off with a warning.
As for you SpongeBob,
I expect more from a good noodle.
Pay attention.
Yes, Mrs. Puff.
Now, then, turning, what every driver should know.
When you are turning it is important to signal at least...
[gasping] Big fat meanie?
Patrick, you can't do that. She's a teacher.
What about the teacher?
[screaming]
As if I really look like this.
SpongeBob, I believe you know the punishment
for two classroom disruptions.
No.
I'm sorry, SpongeBob, but if one wishes
to be a good noodle,
one must behave like a good noodle.
I'm a good noodle. I'm a good noodle.
You'll get this star back when you earn it.
No!
[screaming]
[banging]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[groaning]
Mrs. Puff, is it naptime?
Lunchtime, eh, boating buddy?
I'll eat over here. Just like back in grade school.
Oh, Squidward,
you got any extra mustard in there?
No!
Bon appetit, Squiddy.
[growling]
You ruined my morning, you've ruined my lunch,
and you're ruining my-
[bell ringing]
Okay, class, it's time for our behind the wheel lesson.
Squidward, you'll be riding with SpongeBob.
Yeah, I never saw that coming.
There is nothing funny about what you did in there, Patrick.
You got me in trouble. You got me moved
to the back of the room.
You cost me one of my good noodle stars.
Who cares about a stupid star?
Gee, Patrick, it seems like
you would care a lot about stupid stars,
considering you are one.
I'll deal with you after class.
It is after class.
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
I don't see anyone fighting. Do you?
They're talking about us. We're fighting.
Well, don't mind if if do.
[grunting]
Fight! Fight!
Uh... fight. Fight.
[grunting]
This is embarrassing.
[grunting]
What's going on here? Well?
SpongeBob and I were fighting.
[gasping] Fighting?
Well, I can't believe I'm saying this,
but SpongeBob SquarePants,
I hereby sentence you and your friend to detention.
Detention?
May Neptune have mercy on your soul.
If you need any help,
I've taken this test hundreds of times.
How many times do I have to tell you?
I am not your buddy. I don't need your help.
And I don't need you. Ever.
Now just kindly let me take this stupid test
so I can get out of here,
and never have to see you again for the rest of my life.
Okay, Squidward, if that's the way you want it.
Thank you.
[grumbling]
Uh... Haha.
Three more minutes class.
SpongeBob. SpongeBob, I need your help.
Two more minutes.
SpongeBob, please, this is important.
You said you didn't need my help, Squidward.
And that you didn't need me.
No, no, I didn't. I never said that.
I don't need your help, and I don't need you.
Jerk.
All right, I said it, but that was before.
Before what?
Before... Before-
One more minute class.
Before we were... [gulping] boating buddies.
Yay!
Okay, class, time's up.
Time can't be up.
I didn't get a chance to fill in a single answer.
What am I supposed to do?
You do the same thing that everybody else does
who fails the test. You take it again next week.
Next week?
Don't worry, Squidward.
I've never gotten one answer right on this test,
but we'll meet again next week at Mrs. Puff's Boating School.
[screaming, bell ringing]
Hall monitor SpongeBob reporting for duty, ma'am.
I'm ready to assume my position... in the hall.
I will protect all that are weak... in the hall!
All rules will be enforced... in the hall!
Okay! Just take the hat and belt.
I can't accept that yet, ma'am. First, I have to make my speech.
You can't make this easy, can you?
Classmates! Who am I to deserve such a great honor?
Why, I would be nothing without Mrs. Puff.
Give me a break.
And to my public, all I can say is I'm touched.
[sniffles]
And furthermore, I will carry out my duties...
...crime and punishment, punishment and crime
in the hall!
Which reminds me of an extremely long speech
written by the greatest hall monitor of all time.
"Friends, students, juvenile delinquents, lend me your ears."
[snoring]
In conclusion, and without a moment to spare,
I will put on this uniform and assume my duties as...
[deep voice] ...hall monitor!
Wish me luck, Mrs. Puff!
Oh, and I will be re... [bell ringing]
I'm ready! I'm ready. I'm ready.
Patrick, did you bring my flash cards?
Right here, buddy.
Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards.
No, Patrick!
Hey, learning taste good.
Patrick, I needed those.
Oh, fiddlesticks.
You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.
57 times.
Well, then 58 is your lucky number.
You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob
because you're a winner.
- I'm a winner? - Who's a winner?
- I'm a winner. - Who's a winner?
I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner!
[crying]
How'd you do, winner?
[crying]
Let's see that license.
I didn't get a license, Patrick.
Are they gonna mail it to ya?
No, Patrick, I failed the boating test.
I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.
No way. 58 is like the luckiest number ever.
That test must be rigged.
Let's just go home, Patrick.
We're not going anywhere
until I get to the bottom of this.
I'm taking that test myself.
No, Patrick. I've been training for years.
It'll eat you alive.
Please, SpongeBob, I think I know what I'm doing.
No, Patrick, no!
Good morning.
You're not the judge of me.
Actually, I am. Let the testing begin!
I shouldn't have let him do it. What kind of friend am I?
SpongeBob! SpongeBob!
I'm here for you, buddy.
I passed my test!
You got a perfect score?
Yeah. I thought you said it was hard.
Perfect score?
Come on. I've gotta get my picture taken
for my new license.
Stand behind the line, sir.
How do I look?
Like a winner.
- Ready? - Ready.
Huh?
Congratulations, Mr. Star.
You're the one millionth person to pass the test.
Does that mean I get a free key chain?
- Uh, no. - Oh.
You get a brand new boatmobile,
The new Bass Blaster 3000, the ultimate boating machine.
Alright!
Women will want you.
[sighing]
Men will want to be you.
[sighing]
You'll be the envy of your friends.
[growling]
Isn't this great? I got my license and a new boat.
I'm... so... happy... for... you.
["La Cucaracha" horn blowing]
- Whoa! - The horn works.
Can't catch me, Eugene! I'm the number one driver!
Well, good for you, Plankton.
Don't congratulate him, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs, classmates support each other,
and he just said, "He's number one."
Oh, yeah! Then let's see him do this.
That's easy.
Come down from there right now!
Never!
I'm a god in this boat on my way to heaven!
[laughing] Top of the world!
[laughing]
[both] Uh-oh.
[crashing]
[screaming]
[thudding]
That's it, you both fail!