What are some signs that your ex downgraded when they left you and got into a rebound
relationship with someone else?
But first, my name is Clay with Modern Love [inaudible 00:00:13]. we help you get the
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Okay, so how do you know if your ex downgraded or not after you?
Let's go ahead and get into that.
First, though, I want to preface this by saying that downgrade, upgrade, all of that stuff.
These are all very subjective things.
I know that most of the people that watch these videos that I put up are ... They're
intelligent people, they're heart-centered people, but still, you never know who may
stumble across this video.
So I wanted to go ahead and just make sure that you understand that this is subjective.
One person's 10 might be someone else's five, one person's five might be someone else's
10.
There is no universal better relationship or worse relationship, outside of like abuse
and illegal things and stuff like that.
As long as the individuals in the relationship are happy, then that is really what matters
the most.
Okay?
So with that being said though, your ex's opinion is really the most important thing
in this subjective thing about whether or not they've upgraded or downgraded.
You can think whatever you want, your friends can think whatever they want, other people
can think whatever they want, I can think whatever I want, but ultimately it doesn't
matter.
What matters most is your ex's opinion about whether the person that they're in a relationship
with is better or worse than any other relationship.
So how do you know?
How do you know what your ex's opinion is?
And the way that you can start to get a sense of this is to think about your ex as a person,
as an individual.
I mean, you were in a relationship with them, you know them.
You know what their values are.
And then if you're looking at your ex as an individual, you kind of know what sort of
vision they want for themselves, what they want their life to look like, what's important
to them, and all of that.
And then as you are maybe scrolling through Facebook or something like that, social media
and you see that they're dating somebody else, you might wonder, is their new partner, is
their rebound better than me or am I better than that other person?
Did they downgrade, basically.
And so what you want to do is you want to be able to look at your ex and say, "Okay,
are they bringing themselves more into alignment with what they want for themselves and their
life?"
Or they bring themselves out of alignment with what they want for themselves and their
life?
If you notice that the things that they're doing now, the people that they're spending
their time with now and other things like that are starting to be more of a disconnect
from their values that you're aware of, then you can tell that they're probably not doing
that great in the new relationship and that it's actually probably just an act of self
preservation.
I mean, oftentimes people who are really deeply hurt from a previous relationship, they'll
kind of guard themselves and they'll kind of go for things that they perceive as safe
people or relationships that they think, "Hey, this person would never reject me."
Or "Oh, this isn't that big of a deal, so I'm just going to go for some kind of like
cotton candy relationship where it's all fun and nice and everything, but there's not really
much substance there."
That's usually something that's going on if somebody is bringing themselves out of alignment
with what's important to them.
Another sign that your ex might downgrade as well too is if they were really, really
deeply hurt by the breakup that they had with you.
If they were just really significantly hurt by that breakup, they might feel the need
to kind of go with that safe bet.
Again, people who are hurt very deeply, often close themselves off at least temporarily
while they kind of work through some of these issues, some of these challenges that they're
facing.
And so you want to kind of think about that too.
How did the breakup affect your ex on an individual level?
Another thing you want to take a look at as well too is is your ex acting uncharacteristic
for themselves?
This can be kind of a sign that they're moving out of alignment with their own values, but
if they're doing things that they wouldn't normally be doing that may not necessarily
be bad, but may not necessarily be good.
I mean, it's like one thing if somebody is like having a goal of living a great life
or something like that, and then they go through a breakup and then they just go out drinking
all the time to the point where it's kind of unhealthy.
That's definitely one sign that something's moving in an unhealthy direction, that somebody's
coping with a relationship in an unhealthy way.
And probably any relationship that they do end up in is probably going to be a downgrade
and bringing them out of alignment from what they want.
But it's another thing if somebody is just doing new and unusual things, like maybe before
they were really into their career, but now they're into outdoor stuff.
Like it's not like one is bad and the other is good and the other is good and the other's
bad.
It just means that maybe they're having a shift in priorities and this, if they start
to date someone new it, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's a downgrade, it just means
that they're exploring new options and they're exploring new things that might be possible
for them.
And you have to look at their driving force behind this shift in perspective.
Is it being driven by, oh, well I wanted this, but now it's inaccessible to me, so now I'm
going for this.
Which is actually kind of like the silver award of what I wanted instead of the gold
award.
Or is it because, oh, this breakup was kind of like a wake up call to me and now suddenly
my priorities in life are shifting a little bit.
You have to kind of look at these things through that lens to kind of tell what your ex is
thinking and what's going on with them.
Okay?
And again, just because your ex is in a relationship with someone else, just because they're in
a rebound relationship, just because any of this stuff is happening, it doesn't necessarily
mean that it's a downgrade or an upgrade or anything like that.
I don't want you to think about things that way.
I want you to simply just think about things in terms of like, okay, based off of their
subjective opinion, are they bringing themselves closer into alignment with what they want
or further out of alignment from what they want?
I mean, we've talked about things like this in our series on rebound relationships.
I'll go ahead and put a video card for that up there if you will, if you'd like to check
that out and want to have a little bit more about rebound relationships.
But again, this is all extremely subjective and what some person may like, what some person
may see as a great partner may not be a great partner to someone else.
So we can't really judge our ex or their choice in partners from our point of view or from
anyone else's point of view because they're the ones that have to live with this relationship
that they're in.
And so they're really the only ones who can make that ultimate determination.
Is this an upgrade?
Is this a downgrade?
Is this whatever.
So we have to really take a strong look at your ex's values, what's important to them,
what they value, what they want their life to look like, and is this relationship that
they're in now, and is the cohesive slice of life that they're living right now, or
at least that you're able to see, is it bringing them into alignment with those values?
If it is, then maybe they upgraded.
Maybe they are doing great.
Maybe this new relationship is at least on the same level as maybe a previous relationship
that they had before getting together with this other person.
If, on the other hand, they're out of alignment with their values, they're having a hard time
emotionally, they're doing things that are starting to veer towards unhealthy things,
or maybe they're just kind of bored and listless or settling for less, then probably any relationship
that they enter into is probably going to be a downgrade.
Of course, people's values do change, so take that into consideration as well too, but that
those are some things that you might want to think about when you're trying to evaluate
a rebound relationship that your ex may be entering into.
So I hope that this video has helped you out.
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If you also like what we're doing, make sure that you subscribe and if you want to learn
more about rebound relationships, you might want to check out this series that we did
on rebound relationships.
Or you might want to check out this video over here as well too.
But once again, my name is Clay.
Thank you so much for watching this video and I'll talk to you next time.
Please take care.