But I feel the need to
make a very important point here.
When we say
how he treats you is how he feels about you,
we have to also understand that
he may not know
how you want to be treated.
(Music)
A man will only put in work
for a woman he really wants.
How many of you agree with that?
Below in the comments section yes or no.
A man will only put in work
for a woman he really wants.
Well, let me tell you
what we're talking about today
is the fact that
how he treats you is how he feels about you.
The reality is that
a lot of women get caught up
in trying to analyze
how does this man really feel about me?
Sometimes his actions say one thing,
his words say another.
Sometimes his words are saying I love you,
but the actions are lacking.
Sometimes his actions are saying I care about you
and his words are telling you opposite.
And this whole thing gets confusing.
But let's just start with the premise
how he treats you is how he feels about you.
The reality is that
when a man truly loves and cares about you,
he cares about how you feel,
he wants to make you happy,
he wants to pour into your needs.
And if you're trying to determine
where he truly stands with you,
you have to look at
how is he treating you?
But not how is he treating you
in a moment of time.
How does he consistently treat you?
Because plenty men, plenty people
can have a good moment here and there.
Can say the right things here and there,
but can he consistently
put in the effort required
to have a serious relationship with you?
To convey to you
that he's serious about you,
loves you, and wants something more with you.
Don't get caught up
in ignoring the red flags
because he did something nice today.
Now, listen, I don't want to dismiss
a man's effort
because sometimes,
it is a sign of him trying, sometimes.
Please don't take it out of context.
I said sometimes.
However, you still have to
look at the overall picture.
But I feel the need
to make a very important point here.
When we say how he treats you
is how he feels about you,
we have to also understand that
he may not know how you want to be treated.
Now, a lot of people love to say
well, it's common sense to do certain things
and this man is a grown man,
he should know how to do XYZ.
And the reality is that
we've all been raised differently,
we've all experienced different things,
and sometimes, common sense isn't so common.
So, if you want to truly see
and understand and determine
if this man is truly into you
and serious about you,
you have to let him know
what you need and what you're looking for.
Now, I know some of you are thinking oh, hell no.
Because you've been taught that
if you tell a man what you're looking for,
if you tell a man what you need,
then he will simply do everything you asked for
to play you, and then drop you later.
To get you all caught up,
to get what he wants,
and then drop you later
or then flip the switch on you
and now start to mistreat you.
But I'm here to tell you
that's a misguided perception.
Here's why.
In the world we live in today...
And I would argue even once upon a time,
but let's just focus on right now.
Most men who are trying to play games
are not trying to jump through a bunch of hoops,
are not trying to do
everything you want them to do,
just to get some sex.
Just to get some girlfriend benefits
without committing to you.
Because the reality is that
in today's world,
they can get it easier from someone else.
So, for them to have to go through
all of that you require just to play you
is not the likely scenario.
In most situations,
the guy who wants to play you
is trying to do less for more.
He's trying to do as little as possible
to get everything he's looking for from you.
When you lay it out plain and clear
what you desire,
what you require,
what makes you happy,
the man who is willing to step up to the plate
and do those things,
is typically going to be a man
who is serious about you.
That's how you determine
how real a man is with his intentions.
How does he respond to your feelings?
How does he respond to
what you require in the relationship?
The man who wants to play you
will make excuses,
he will dance around the subject,
he'll say oh, my gosh, you're nagging me,
you're asking for too much.
When the reality is that
you're not asking for too much,
you're just asking the wrong person for it.
But that man is going to come up with
all kinds of excuses.
However, the man who is serious about you,
the man who does want to pour into you
is going to embrace how you feel.
Is going to hear you out
and is going to make an effort
to give you what you're looking for, embrace that.
Now, granted, if your intuition
and I would encourage you to get in...
Tap into your intuition to connect with it,
to embrace it, to nurture it, cultivate it.
So that when it's talking to you,
you can hear it clearly.
If your intuition is telling you that
this man ain't it despite his efforts,
then by all means, listen to that.
If you pray and you should
and you ask God if this man is for you
and he tells you no, despite his efforts,
then you listen to that.
But outside of intuition and listening to God,
let the man know what you're looking for.
Because again, most men who aren't serious
will not step up to the plate.
And sometimes, what you guys are experiencing
is when you tell a man what you need
or let's just paint the picture
where you meet a man
and he's doing everything right.
This man is going hard,
he is damn near perfect
for the first one month, two months,
three months, whatever, right.
And then all of a sudden,
it all goes away, he stops.
And you immediately start to think
this man played me.
He was never serious,
these men can't be trusted,
and now your wall's back up.
But I'm here to tell you
in a lot of those situations,
it wasn't that he was playing games,
is that you were never reciprocating his effort.
You kept sitting back with walls up,
demanding his effort.
His effort for him to chase you,
for him to keep doing for you,
but you were not returning the love.
You weren't returning the desire.
You weren't showing appreciation.
You weren't giving the same effort.
And at some point,
even the man who is serious about you
will grow tired.
He won't want to keep trying
because now,
he has the fear that you're playing him.
Because make no mistake,
we hear tons of stories
of women getting played and used.
But we act like it's not happening on the other side.
Men are getting played too.
Men are getting used too.
And so, they have to be on guard,
they have to be mindful of
when they start to notice a woman
who is not reciprocating their effort,
that she may indeed be
one of those women who are playing them.
And you can't blame him for that.
So, if you want to make sure
that you can properly determine
what this man's true intentions are,
then one, make it clear what you need,
set your standard, and reciprocate his effort.
Because if you are pouring love into him as well
and he can't step up to the plate,
then you know without a shadow of a doubt,
he doesn't belong in your life.
But when you hold back,
you validate him holding back.
You got walls up,
well, then, he has a right to have walls up.
And now, you have two dysfunctional individuals
and I say that with all due respect, all right.
But the reality is that out of hurt
we act in dysfunctional ways
and we create a more toxic situation.
So, you got two dysfunctional people
trying to have a relationship with each other
and it will never succeed that way.
Let the walls down,
heal, let that man know what you need,
reciprocate his effort,
and then you will see if he's serious about you.
Because how he treats you
is how he feels about you.
And a man will only put in the effort
for a woman he truly wants to be with.
(Music)